Faith Trust and Pixie Dust

Move over Martha Stewart!

2009-03-12T23:30:00.000-07:00

My friend Monica called me on Sunday and said her mom would like me to make a cake for her dad's surprise 50th birthday party tomorrow night. She said that all the "Over the Hill" cakes had tombstones and she didn't really like them. She knew I liked to make cakes, especially recently, and asked if I would do it. I said sure...I went with an "Over the Hill" theme...as in the man really going over the hill!! I don't like to brag or anything but you know for not knowing a thing about actual cake decorating, I think it turned out AWESOME! So move over Martha Stewart...step aside Betty Crocker!! Here's my Over the Hill Cake!

He knows just what to do...

2009-02-19T18:16:00.000-08:00

I have had the most bizarre of bizarre days at school today. I swear to got the moons weren't aligned or something and everything was just wacky! My kids were good, it was more the colleagues that I stood around looking at them like SERIOUSLY??? DID THAT JUST COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH? Yeah one of those days.

I stopped at the store to buy myself a new stamp so that I can stamp all my books during my class thing this weekend. Yay now I have one that says Angie Reeder and I don't have to write it 15 bazillion times in my book. Dave ran to the store to get some chicken for dinner while I was at the store. (Side note...I really wanted some Taco Bell because I had a yucky day, but he insisted on cooking...that's good news for the Tummy Tucking blog haha!)

I came home and he said I brought you a treat because I knew you were having a bad day. Fantastic!! What might he have brought me?? Hopefully something chocolate!! Please be chocolate because chocolate would make up for not getting Taco Bell on a crappy day!

He got me a snickers!!! YES! Chocolate ewy goodness! He was going to make me a margarita...even more thoughtful, but really I would have much more preferred the chocolate!

He knows just what to do when I'm having a yucky day! .

Lesson of the post:
FEED HER CHOCOLATE TO AVOID THE INNER BITCH THAT BREWED AT WORK COMING OUT!

He's a fast learner haha!

Time for me

2009-02-16T20:57:00.001-08:00

Clearly since my last post was about Christmas I have sucked at blogging. I haven't even done a great job of keeping up on the Tummy Tuck blog and even if I sucked at blogging over here I've always been good about blogging there! I don't know what the deal is and I can't seem to get out of my funk! I haven't even read everyone's blog and I've spent the better part of the last hour trying to speed read and catch up on everyone's!

That being said it's time to make time for me. Lately I have been reading a lot and I think that's taken away from my computer time. I have to say it's been nice and I've really enjoyed it. I've been plowing through the Janet Evanovich books and trying to catch up for when the new book comes out. This has left me with a great sense of accomplisment because I've been reading so much and unfortunately a sense of always looking over my shoulder because I've read so many of the books I'm pretty sure there is a bad guy lurking around the corner and I lack Stephanie Plum's kick ass bounty hunter skills! Seriously today there was a car driving slowly around our block and I was inclined to turn the car around and follow to make sure they weren't weirdos on the block!

While the reading has been nice, I have missed blogging. I have missed reading my favorite blogs and sharing things on mine. Since the wedding is over I felt like there was nothing to write about. But before the wedding, I had stuff to write about so I don't know what happened. I never even blogged about our Honeymoon! Last week I wanted to write about the awesome cakes I baked for my class. It was Abraham Lincoln's 200th birthday and I made and cake and decorated it like the Emancipation Proclamtion! The kids had an absolute blast and I suddenly became the coolest third grade teacher ever!

For the first time ever since I started dating Dave he sent me flowers. That's all I wanted for Valentine's day. He got me flowers one other Valentine's day 3 years ago and I will never forget because he walked into my classroom carrying six pink roses and a box of bullets (not his brightest moment walking into a school with a box of bullets but it had a purpose) and one of my students turned around and said "It's about time you showed up with the flowers!" The only other time he has ever given me flowers was on our one month anniversary in November. He was being all cute and got a nice card and a single rose. But never has he sent me a bouquet of flowers. Finally he did this year and they were beautiful! I dont' like flowers all the time, but on that day they were perfect!

I guess lately I've also had that feeling of being the only friend without a baby! I'm not exactly ready to have a baby just yet, but if it happened it wouldn't be the end of the world. The other day we were at school and three of my teacher friends were talking...one has a 3 year old, one has a 2 year old and a 7 month old and then one has a 4 month old. They were talking about the 3 year old's birthday party and how the other two missed it. But they were having all this mom talk and I totally felt left out. Chrissy immediately sensed this and was like aww Ang when are you going to start having babies so you can join in on this...she knows when I clam up and when she got back to her classroom she called and said I'm so sorry...that was such an awkward moment because the one teacher just started talking about it and we got all wrapped up...I'm sorry! Great now I'm making my friends feel like they can't enjoy their own offspring for fear they will hurt my feelings! Great...now I'm THAT friend!

Like I said it's not that I want a baby tomorrow...or even within a year for that matter. I guess it just feels like it's the next thing to do (not to mention most people went from saying so when's the date for the wedding to when are you going to have babies?)...we got married now we have babies. All my friends were pregnant around me...most of them have now had their babies with the exception of my one friend who is frantically trying not to go into early labor! Then I got to watch all of my blogging friends have their babies and I just loved watching them write about how passionately they couldn't wait to become mothers for the first time or how they couldn't wait to see their son be a big brother.

So anyway...that jumbled up post being written...I'm going to get better at blogging again. I'm going to get out of this funk, take time for me and get back to writing.

Christmas Traditions...New and Old

2008-12-26T15:14:00.000-08:00

I have been meaning to write this blog for a while now...since we put up our Christmas tree. For some reason, I just cannot find the time to blog anymore. I love blogging and enjoy reading all the blogs, but for some reason lately I just haven't made time for it. At the beginning of the new year, my goal is to start blogging again like I used to.

This was my first Christmas as a married woman. I've lived with Dave for the past 3 years, but you know being married I assumed we needed to start our "own" Christmas traditions. As we started pulling out the tree, I got all excited to start our own traditions. In my mind I knew all the traditions I had as a kid and I wanted to make sure that I passed those down to my children some day...plus added a few of our own fun things. As I was planning future Christmases in my head, Dave was trying to explain to me that we already have traditions of our own. As I snapped back from my future thoughts, I tried to understand what "our" traditions were. I mean we decorated the tree, but it's not like we did anything special. We were already 2 songs in before I realized what he was talking about.

You see neither Dave nor I are fond of Christmas music. I don't mind it on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day or even once in a while here and there. But when Magic 95.5 starts the all day everyday christmas songs, I want to pull my hair out. Or when you are shopping...drives me nuts. So last year as we decorated our tree, Dave had downloaded a bunch of funny Chrismtas songs. He downloaded I Want a Hippopatomus for Christmas, the 12 Redneck Days of Christmas, Merry Christmas from the Family...all songs like that. There was no Jingle Bells for us...unless of course it was the version where dogs barked it so that Quincy could enjoy decorating too! We listened to them while we decorated our tree last year and this year he had them all ready to go when I started to pull out the ornaments. He reminded me that last year I said I had so much fun decorating the tree listening to these goofy songs that I wanted to make it a tradition every year! I guess that our "own" traditions had already started.

Another tradition that I have had in my family is that we always open presents on Christmas eve. I can remember the first year that my brother in law had to work on Christmas Eve so we waited to open presents on Christmas morning so he could be with us. I was ok with breaking tradition a little there because it wouldn't have been a tradition if he hadn't been there to open presents with us, but none the less it was breaking my tradition...I think I was like 14 at the time! As you can see breaking traditions doesn't go over well for me.

I can also vividly remember the first Christmas where my sister and brother in law left on Christmas day to go and spend Christmas with his family. Again I think I was like 12, however, not ok in my book. That was NOT how we did Christmas in our family and if he was going to be a part of our family he was going to follow OUR traditions. My mom quickly pointed out that my sister was now starting her own family with her own traditions and she was going to have to share her time at Christmas with both of her families. Annoyed, I tried to understand. This year, my niece and nephew, and I must admit even my sister, had to learn this lesson all over again. You see we went to Winnemucca for Christmas Eve and then came back on Christmas Day to spend it with Dave's dad. I went a day early so that I could have some extra time with the kids, but you could tell that they were bummed we were leaving on Christmas morning as was my sister. I think she tried to keep us there as long as possible! In 26 years, I have never not attened Christmas mass. I'm not overly religious, but we are dealing with tradition here, not so much the actual act of church. It snowed like you cannot believe in Winnemucca. I swear they got at least 8 inches of snow if not more and then I come home to Reno where we literally have a dusting in comparison. The snow was too much in the morning and my dad decided they would go to church at night. That meant I wouldn't be included. I tried to be like yay I get out of a long mass with a boring priest (even if my sister called to run in that it was a nice service because of the new priest), but part of me was sad. There was another little piece of tradition slipping away from me if I had to spend Christmas day not with my family. You would think that it's not a big deal because all we do on Christmas day is get presents from Santa and then it's pretty much over. We do the presents and big Christmas dinner the night before. But we are lazy and play games all day on Christmas day...something I didn't do this year.

When we got to Fernley, it was all different. No games, we just sat with Dave's dad and talked. We ended up watching a movie and then he opened his presents from us. We had already opened ours from him while he was gone to Wisconsin because he gave them to us early. Even though it was a different tradition, it was nice. I had fun spending the time with my father in law. I realized it didn't matter if it wasn't the same tradition, it was still Chrismtas and he was just as much a part of my family now as I was of his. So time must be spent equally. It's a lesson in growing up if you will. Things change as we get older.

I hope that next year at this time, Dave and I will be in a house of our own. I think we are going to start the process of seriously looking right after the first of the year. My hopes is that next year, everyone can come to our house for Christmas. That way we don't have to worry about Dave having to rush home to get to work the next day...my sister and brother in law always have the day after Christmas and Christmas Eve off...Dave never does. My dad is retired so he could come. Plus then I would be able to actually have a Christmas at my own house where I get to cook a dinner for everyone. That would be a new tradition in itself!

In which I swoon...

2008-11-25T19:35:00.000-08:00

Today is our one month anniversary! I'm not sure where the time has already gone, but I can't believe that we have already been married a month! I went to the store tonight to get a special dinner. I made him a steak and got myself some chicken to grill. That's right...I said grill. I have never barbequed in my life because I am afraid of fire and BBQing involves flames!! Well tonight I had Dave show me how to do the BBQ and I did it ALL BY MYSELF!! I was really proud of me for doing that because that meant that he could come home and relax and I did it all!

But...oh but ladies...he didn't just come home! He came home with a single rose and the cutest card! The other day we were talking about being married a month and we figured out that if we were married for 90 years that's 1081 months. So my card says that this has been the best month ever and he can't wait for the next 1080!! Plus the card is all about a fairy tale...it says once upon a time...happily ever after...just to make a long story short. Yep...I oohhed and aahhed at him all night. SWOON...

And without further ado, here are my wedding pictures! Unfortunately if you really want to see them you get to see them ALL. I won't get them for another few months but now the website is already up. I know some of you that read have already seen them because I sent them to you in an email but for those that haven't here is what you need to do:

Go to www.collages.net
Username: Angie & David Wedding
Password: 14057

The pictures of Dave under his name of him all alone on the wall...well let's just say I saw those and fell in love with my husband all over again! They are my favorite, but then I'm a little biased :)

The last day of my single life!

2008-11-02T15:11:00.000-08:00

All of our wedding guests started arriving on Wednesday night. My friend Callie that I hadn't seen in 5 years came out with her parents for the wedding. That was great because I hadn't seen her parents in like 7 years and they came all the way from Virginia to spend the special day with us!

Me with Callie and her parents at the wedding

Then everyone else came into town on Thursday. All our friends from Wyoming, Dave's family, my family...everyone! It was so much fun to have everyone here, but at the same time very overwhelming. You feel like you need to spend time with everyone, and at times, it's hard to mix everyone together. I have to say I was so happy with my dad that weekend. He was good about doing everything with us and even came to lunch with all us "kids" after the rehearsal. We took my niece and nephew with us and went with all our friends...we didn't figure my dad would want to come. Then my sister called and said to add 3 more because they were coming. He was a good sport the whole weekend and stayed the entire time at the reception...never once complaining about anything...that added to the perfect weekend in my eyes!

Here I am with my daddy...

Here are Allie and Daunte at lunch...once they met each other, we had a hell of a time separating them. They actually got along really well, again something that added to the weekend. This is why Allie came to lunch with us...she got the sad pouty face and walked up to Daunte and said "bye Daunte" in the voice that says...nobody invited me to go. So the kids came with us!

After our lunch, we all just went and hung out. I should go back and tell you what a disaster rehearsal was. The lady seemed like she didn't have a clue what the hell she was doing which bummed me out because when we met her she seemed to have it all together. The priest didn't even come to rehearsal, which is probably why Dave and I were suprised to have a kiss in the middle of the ceremony! Fortunately, we worked all the kinks out at rehearsal and you wouldn't have known they happened by the looks of the ceremony.

I should also back up and tell about the fight with the mother in law Friday morning before rehearsal. Thursday night I called Dave's sister and told her there was no way that I was going to be able to go with her to pick up her cousin at the airport on Friday morning. I had to get Dave's brother at 9:30 and hurry to the tux shop to make sure his tux fit (only two of the tuxes fit when we all went in to pick them up! and if I didn't have him there before 12, his tux couldn't have been fixed and rehearsal was at 11). She said she forgot that she had to pick him up so she called her mom. Is it my problem that her mother was drinking and partying it up and so she didn't apparently pay attention to the fact that she said she would pick up the cousin (her nephew) the next morning...I think not. However, I get a phone call while I am up picking up Gabe and Bubba that morning before getting Dave's brother asking me why I couldn't wait 15 minutes for the cousins flight. Dave's mom started giving me a bad time and I calmly told her that I didn't have time to wait for him and that I didn't have room for him in the car. This is why I called Kayla the night before to let her know that she needed to make sure she got him! Well she just kept saying over and over so I leave to go out of my sister's room to talk to her and I hear Dave's grandma say "that's just great, he would do anything for them and then last minute they can't even pick him up!" That pissed me off so I calmly told his mother that I could hear grandma and I did not want everyone fighting. I told her I couldn't get him, I had called to let Kayla know that I couldn't wait for her to get him (originally we were going to the airport together to get everyone) and that there was really nothing I could do. So I hung up and called Dave pissed. I started crying becuase when I told his mom that I didn't want everyone fighthing she said oh get over yourself Angie no one is fucking fighting. Well my sister finds me crying and says give me the phone (as if more drama will make it better!) Ask Shannon my sister is a fiesty one. So I yelled at her and told her if she caused a scene I would be pissed. Then his mom called back and "kinda" apologized but I was still annoyed. She was just pissed because she had been up partying and she wasn't going to make it into town on time to get him...again not my problem, I got my stuff taken care of and it was never my responsibility in the first place to get the cousin! Oh well, she got the cousin, Dave told her to knock her bullshit off, and everyone made to to rehearsal on time. And it's a good thing I didn't give in because Dave's brother's jacket was way too small so we had to make another stop to get another jacket!

Ok back to where I was before I had to backtrack...after lunch on Friday we all went home and just hung out. Then Monica, Kayla and Callie and I went up to decorate for the rehearsal dinner. For my little luau going to an inside deal, it actually turned out really cute. The boys from Wyoming were staying at Boomtown so they came down with their wives and helped us. It was nice to have them there because when I got to pick the boys up was the first time that I didn't feel any stress whatsoever during the wedding. They were both great in calming me down after my little upset with the MIL and made me laugh the whole way to the airport. Here's a few pictures from the rehearsal dinner Friday night...

Dave's grooms cake that I made for him!!

no idea why it's sideways...it's not that way on my computer!

Dave cutting his groom's cake

Dave and his brother Brian

Dave's family and me

Baby Cambrea...you all remember she was supposed to come 6 days before the wedding, but came a month early! She is doing great and getting big. Her dad, Eric, and I thought the picture with the flask was funny...we got her to smile haha! (PS getting annoyed that blogger is turning my pictures around and I can't fix them grrrr)

Brian, me, Dave, Robert, Courtney

Lisa, me, Shasta and Callie...friends since grade school

My dad and us

After the dinner I told Dave bye as we spent the night apart. I'm glad we did because when I finally saw him as I walked down the aisle, I understood why you don't see your groom the night before. It's what you wait for all day while you get ready to see him and then there he is and it's a perfect moment! Dave's sister stayed in the bridal suite with me and so we figured it would be fun if we had all three kids stay with us, her son, and my niece and nephew. It was seriously the best thing I could have had the night before the wedding. Having the kids with us made me remember what life is all about...it's not about the stress of planning a wedding. It's not about worrying about if every detail is right or if something is going to go wrong. It's about having fun and spending time with people you love. That's what's important! We started off by piling into the jacuzzi tub and letting our feet sit in the water. We tried to all jam together for a picture but you can see it didn't go so well! Then we decided to play a little elevator tag and run down to see if the reception room was done...but they had locked the doors on us! So we ran around the casino (well the part that is actually the convention center) in our pjs and bare feet playing elevator tag. Then we went upstairs to go to bed. Surprisingly none of the kids argued when we said it was time for bed. The only argument we got was a few tears when we had to separate Daunte and Allie and they had to sleep in separate rooms. We bribed them and told them that the sooner they went to sleep, the sooner they could play together again!! It worked and we all headed off to bed.

Tiptoeing around to play elevator tag

Smashing together in the elevator for a picture

Allie and Daunte (our flowergirl and ringbearer)

Everyone in the jacuzzi tub

Me and my sister in law Kayla

The kiddos in the jacuzzi tub

Trying to separate them for bed!!

It was the perfect night before the wedding...

Welcome to Married Life!

2008-11-02T14:57:00.001-08:00

I know...you're all thinking oh my gosh Angie is actually blogging! I have been a complete slacker and am finally ready to get back to blogging. I chalked it all up to the wedding and trying to get things ready...then it was report cards the Monday I went back to school (what I was thinking not taking that day off I have no idea!) and I had to have them done by Thursday. Got those out of the way and I feel like I actually have time to myself again...time to blog and time to relax!

The wedding was perfect. In my eyes, not a single thing went wrong. The priest did do our vows wrong (that only bothered Dave and he actually wasn't that bothered...he wanted to say I do because he knew he would cry if he had to repeat everything, the priest messed up, he had to repeat the vows and he cried!) and randomly had us kiss in the middle of the ceremony so we totally weren't prepared for that at all, but aside from that the day was seriously perfect. The weather was beautiful, everything was on time (or at least I never knew we were running late if we were) and things went smooth. I don't have many pictures of Dave and I together yet, but I have a ton of the reception. Here's my favorite picture so far of us together:

That's really the only picture of us together that I got on my camera.

I see I'm going way out of order so I figure I will break this up into a few posts...the rehearsal dinner, the fight with the mother-in-law, and the night before the wedding...then the actual wedding!

Aruba, Jamaica, Bermuda, Bahama...Come on pretty mama

2008-09-19T22:21:00.001-07:00

Ok we are stumped!! Dave and I have no idea where to go on a honeymoon!! First of all here's where I disappeared to this past week...Chrissy my wonderful bridesmaid that is preggo...you know the one due 6 days before the wedding?? Yeah she is having the baby NOW! She has toxemia and they put her in the hospital on Tuesday. We just got back and they had broke her water and given her the patosin (the medicine that I cannot spell!) to help speed her along. So to be helpful and take some stress off of her, I have planned her lessons for the next few weeks and gotten everything at school done with and taken care of. Now back to honeymooning!

We cannot decide where to go. I always wanted to go to somewhere warm and tropical and we are going to go in December while I am on Christmas break. So we were just talking about it and Dave says "put it on the blog". Ok, now he is using my blog for his own purposes haha! But seriously, where do you all think a good honeymoon spot would be? Where did some of you go...or where have you always wanted to go?

I wouldn't mind Hawaii although I know how expensive everything over there is. I would like to try out one of those all inclusive resorts, but seriously I know I'm not going to want to lay on the beach in a bikini (I might have lost weight but we are not bikini ready by any means!) and drink mai tais all day...no matter how appealing that sounds! I know you can go off of some of the resorts, but I don't want to be in a new country and be all nervous you know. Dave thought of Europe but then he said it would be colder in the winter time so we would have to wait for summer. I thought of going to Disney World...then I wasn't super impressed because it's mostly the same rides and then there's Epcot and the Animal World and stuff. But I don't know that I would like all the other stuff. So if that's the case, we could just go back to Disney Land and then go to the beaches down around San Diego or up by Carmel and Montery, but then Dave said he thought those places burned. So really we have no idea! And neither one of us have any real expectations for the honeymoon. It's not like one of us is saying oh well I want to be able to snorkle so we know it needs to be beach like. We have no idea at all!

So any ideas would be greatly appreciated. Dave would love you all a very long time...and I will too :)

A Precious Moment

2008-09-09T19:01:00.000-07:00

My friend Jeremy was in town this weekend. He comes down every weekend for the Hot Air Balloon Races and then he volunteers in my classroom on that Friday. He usually spends from Thursday to Sunday with us and he stays here at our house. A little background on Jeremy...he was hit by a car when he was 6 by a drunk driver. He has learned how to do a lot on his own but he is a little behind if you will. He manages to drive himself to Reno and we have taught him how to get himself to the balloon races and he has really come a long way since I met him almost ten years ago. Back to the story...

Jeremy brought my birthday present with him since this was the first time I had seen him since my birthday. He lives on his own and doesn't have a ton of money but he always makes sure to get me a present. I tell him year after year that he can just call me but he insists. And for the very first time in my life I am glad that he insisted!

I thought Jeremy would enjoy going to my dress fitting with me. He got to see me in my dress and he thought that was really cool. Well that meant he also got to witness my major meltdown. See I was already running late when I first got home. I got home at 5:30 and we had to be there at 6. We had a wedding present that had come in the mail and of course I took the time to open that...but not Jeremy's present. Then we go to the store...I have my meltdown...we come home. I still don't open my present. I realize that I forgot all the shoes at the store! In my disappointed leaving, I forgot to pick up all the girls' shoes. So we go back to the store and then we pick up some dinner real quick. When we get home, I'm obviously sad...still not sure what to do about my dress and so on. I'm talking to my sister on the phone and I see Jeremy's present sitting there. I figure I better open it, plus presents are always a good cheer up right??

As I said, Jeremy doesn't have a lot of extra money. So he does a lot of shopping for birthdays and Christmas at yard sales. Like I said it's the thought that counts...not where he gets stuff. Well I start opening my present and I see this board. On top of the board are a CD that he made me with a birthday song and a pair of scooby doo socks. I like Scooby Doo but I can't for the life of me get Jeremy to understand that I won't wear Scooby Doo stuff...I am an adult after all! Of course the socks were purchased at a yard sale and bless his heart they have a whole in them. So I focus on the board...it looks like something I've seen before. It looks like the boards my mom used to work on. You see my mom used to draw on cutting boards or boards like the one I was looking at and she would woodburn the picture into them and then paint them. When she got good at it, she started cutting things out of wood and making them. Back to where I was...this thought is in my head and I place my hand under the board to turn it over. I swear to god it felt like slow motion! I could feel the woodburned image on the other side and I started thinking he must have made me something like my mom used to make. Or maybe it's a sign he got...but deep down I knew what it was...I flipped that board over and looked to the bottom right corner where I knew her initials would be and sure enough...THERE WERE MY MOMS INITIALS!!!

I'm on the phone with my sister when I start looking at it and I just start bawling. I'm already emotional from the dress stuff and this just pushed me over the edge. I looked at Jeremy and in a very emotional voice I ask him where he got this...I'm thinking my mom made it for him, then I realize that wouldn't be right...it's a little girl. Then I think that someone gave it to him to give to me...knowing that my mom made it. You all want to know what Jeremy's response was??

"I bought it at a yard sale. It's precious moments isn't it?"

You see Scooby Doo isn't the only thing Jeremy likes to buy for me. He also makes sure I get something Precious Moments. I used to collect them and think they were really cute. Again...I no longer have room to collect them and I have kind of outgrown liking them like I used to, but Jeremy always gets me something precious moments. All he saw was a precious moment girl and he bought it for me. He had absolutely no idea that my mom had made it. Not a clue. So I start bawling some more! I'm asking my sister who my mom could have made this for and I'm frantically asking Jeremy what yard sale he bought it at! Dave can clearly see that Jeremy is getting the wrath (or what sounded like the wrath because I was bawling and frantically asking him all these questions) of the dress alterations so he comes over and looks down at the board in my lap. He looks at Jeremy and said oh Jeremy...her mom made that. Jeremy is confused as all hell, I'm crying, my sister is stunned and Dave is over in the corner trying to hold himself together because you know he is rather sensitive haha! Once I pulled myself together long enough to listen to Jeremy, he informed me that as soon as he saw that board he knew he had to buy it because it was precious moments and he knows how much I like those. He never even saw my mom's initals on the bottom and wouldn't have even known what they were if he had seen them. The whole coincidence of it all was just too overwhelming for me.

I waited so long to open the present...I kept putting it off. Then it came on a night when I would have loved to talk to my mom, to get her advice on what to do on my dress. And the fact that Jeremy had no idea made it that much sweeter. I mean had he known it still would have been sweet, but not knowing...it was that much better. And would you like to know the greatest coincidence of all...look at what the little girl is doing in the picture...

How do you think I felt at that moment...when it rains it pours right! There I was standing in a big old puddle and here she was telling me she was there and it was going to be ok. I'm not a super religious person. I don't know exactly where I stand on the whole signs from above thing. I would love to believe that they really happen but then there is the skeptical side of me that thinks it's just impossible. But when a sign like this slaps you in the face...it's a little hard not to believe. Again, the fact that Jeremy had no idea shows me that I was meant to have that board. I needed to open it on the night I did...that's why he didn't send it to me. That's why I didn't open it when I first got home...I didn't need it then. I needed it when I was sad and things with the wedding weren't going my way. I needed my mom to tell me that she was here, she was going to be here on the day and she would see every single part of my wedding.

So for now, I have to truly treasure all of Jeremy's yardsale presents. He never knew just how much of a "precious moment" he would give me this year for my birthday!

Major Meltdown

2008-09-09T18:43:00.000-07:00

Thursday was not a good day around my house. You know the book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day...yeah it should have been my name instead of Alexanders!

Thursday I had my dress fitting. I was nervous, excited and a whole bundle of emotions. I was nervous because I was going to be seeing myself in my dress the way I will see myself in 45 days (not that I'm counting or anything!). For some reason that just made me feel like it was so much more real. I was excited because as you all know I've been blogging on Tuesday Tummy Tuck and working to lose weight. So far I've lost 35 lbs and so I was excited to see how the dress was going to look on me all pinned up and skinny like :)

That all came to a screeching halt when she pinned the dress. Here I am before any pinning...you can tell it's big on me

Then she started pinning and my heart started racing...here you can see my face where clearly it is a fake smile!

And here the dress is all pinned in...you can see that clearly I have lost lots of weight! YAY!!

Then came the bombshell! Since I had lost weight, it was going to be $291 to alter my dress! That was as much as my dress was in the first place. You are supposed to pay for the alterations right then well I had no idea that it was going to be that much...I budgeted like $50-$100 for alterations...not an entire new dress! So needless to say I was sad, I was pissed and I didn't know what to do. I felt like I was being punished for losing the weight. I feel great and I feel like I look great...I'm not perfect yet, but I'm happy with myself and then it was like well hell I might as well gain all the damn weight back! Definitely not going to do that so I guess I have to eat $291!!

I tried to figure out if I wanted to take it to another shop...but if I did and they messed it up I don't know what I would do...not sure if I could get another dress here in time and I would be stuck paying for it. If I left it at David's Bridal and they messed up, they are responsible for paying for it! Then I had the idea to trade it in for a smaller size. I ordered my dress in a size 16. They say that for every 20lbs you lose you go down a dress size and by they I mean David's Bridal. So technically I would be about a size 12 (I'm five lbs off of losing 40lbs!). I tried on the 12 and it was way too tight...it zipped but I wouldn't have been able to breathe at all. Then I tried on a 14 and it fit funny! It was too big around my boobs and it fit tight across my stomach. So what sense does that make?? You see how much she is taking in on the sides, but the next size down didn't fit right either! SO ANNOYING!!!!

So for my own peace of mind, I decided to just leave it where it is and have them do the alterations. I'm going to talk to the manager and find out if my dress was really a size 16...I'm starting to think there was a possibility that it was cut wrong and it was really a larger size. I mean how do they take that much in on the sides and stuff and the next size smaller dress doesn't even fit right? Makes absolutely no sense. Plus I was never told how much alterations could be...I knew I would have to pay for alterations but I was informed when I went back in on Thursday night that I should have been told an approximation of alterations.

So that was my dress meltdown! I was able to come home that night and find something that sent my night into an even bigger emotional spin...but that you can read about in the next post!! :)

MIA

2008-09-09T18:09:00.000-07:00

Yeah I have been seriously MIA!! School started and that meant that hell started around my parts. I haven't even had a chance to blog about all of that!! So I will start there and then we will go through wedding stuff and such.

School this year is going to be a challenge to say the least! I have some kiddos that have some major behavior problems and then some kiddos that struggle with reading. I like working with the kids that are struggling because it is so nice to see them make growth...behaviors are only cool if they can be fixed! Kids that steal on the first day of school make my life a living hell. Kids that blatently look you in the face and laugh at you when they get in trouble...not so cool! Dislike greatly! So needless to say it's going to be a tough year especially trying to do last minute things for the wedding!

Wedding planning is still going. We managed to get so much done over the past month. We ordered all of our favors and all of our last minute things...guest book, napkins, ring pillow, sand bottles and sand. We just need to order our toasting glasses and our cake stuff and then we are totally done. We finished our wedding slideshow (which turned out awesome!) and I finished Dave's wedding present. It's a photo book and I love it. I cried making it! It is going to be the perfect present to give him!

So there's the update...now I will update you on the major dress meltdown...it is worthy of a post all it's own!

Our First Fishing Trip

2008-08-12T07:58:00.000-07:00

For my birthday, Dave's dad got me a gift card to Sportsman's Wharehouse. These boys are going to get me all set to like the things they do and I find it very cute that his dad gets me gift cards to places where I can get stuff to participate in these activities with them. It's like an open feeling to be included in the "boy things" if you will. Anyway...I knew exactly what I was going to buy when I opened that card and saw what he got me. I was going to buy a fishing pole!

Dave had been talking about going fishing forever. I'm always like yeah we'll go but apparently I have never showed a great interest. I've always been fine going, we just never went. So I thought I will get the fishing pole and surprise him! I called Steve to ask what kind of pole I needed and he was actually helpful. I walked into Sportsman's Wharehouse and played the dumb girl act. Actually I walked up to the guy and said I need a fishing pole, I'm clueless as I"m a first time fishergirl! He laughed and spent the next hour helping me. This guy was awesome and if I wasn't in such a hurry (I was late to pick dave up for lunch) I would have found a manager and commented on the great customer service I received. Dave always laughs when I do this but seriously, the guy spent an hour helping me...he deserves some kuddos! Anyway the guy helped me find a fishing pole (IT'S PINK!!) a tackle box and all the stuff I needed to go in it. Then I went up and picked out some waders so that I could go out in the float tube with Dave too.

I went to get Dave and he seriously thought it was the best thing ever! He saw it in the back of my car and was like aww honey you bought a fishing pole. He liked it so much it brought a little tear to his eye because I wanted to share in an activity with him. What can I say he's a bit sensitive and I love it! I got exactly the reaction I was looking for and more. He understood that this was my way of saying yes I would love to go fishing with you. He loved it so much that we went this past weekend and he gave up going down to Hot August Nights to spend the weekend fishing with me. He's a big H.A.N fan...it's the equivalent of Patty missing the SuperBowl if the Jets were playing :) So that showed he really wanted to take me fishing.

We went to Squaw Reservior on Friday and planned to stay until Saturday evening and then come home. The weather SUCKED! It was windy and yucky and where we had to fish was all rocky so my line kept getting stuck and Dave had to break it off. Needless to say the fishing trip did not start off like either of us hoped for! Here's a few pictures from Friday...

Here I am loading my bait onto my hook (thanks to the helpful guy at Sportsman's showing me how to do it all!)

Here is Dave with his only catch! You'll hear more about why that happened later on.

Here I am all pissed off about fishing...I was thinking it was boring and I was pissed that I was now on hook 4 of 5!!

We gave up on fishing and went and played games. Someone had a chocolate donut and got a messy face...I love this face!

After we played games for a while we decided it was time to cook some dinner. While Dave was cooking, the wind calmed down and you could see the fish jumping. So I went back down and tried fishing again. I didn't catch anything, but I had a lot more fun! Here we are getting dinner ready!

Dave working with our spread!

Us together at dinner

I got bored so I took pictures of me!

After dinner we sat down to eat and the damn mosquitos ate us alive! Julia will appreciate this story! They were annoying to me but they were down right pissing Dave off. He was freaking out slapping his legs and cussing at all the bugs. We ate fast and he goes that's it we are going in the tent! The tent? But we just built a campfire and it's like 8:30. The campfire was put out and we were in the tent! I must say it was much nicer. We hung the flashlight from the top of the tent and then we played games. We also took pictures because we got bored!

Quincy was pretty much over us playing the game...so he got in the middle of it! He wanted lights out and time for bed, not us up talking and laughing with bright lights!

Saturday morning we woke up and fishing was much better. It was like glass so I casted out and caught my first fish!! I was very excited but I wasn't sure how I felt about holding mr. fish for his photo op!

I had to laugh at Dave...he said honey do you want this picture from the waist up?? I looked at him with my best snobbish look and said HONEY...waist up pictures were so last summer! I've lost weight full body pictures are AOK now!!

And here's a few more pictures of me out in the float tube...in all I caught 3 fish that day. Dave never did fish (he only did on Friday) because when the game warden came to check our licenses he asked Dave if he was familiar with the trout stamp. Dave said yeah don't I have one on there? Apparently he didn't and he forgot to buy one this year. He always buys one and he said he probably thought I never actually go fishing and use it so why bother...why bother?? Hello bother because I bought a fishing pole dork!

Me in my new waders

Fishing in the float tube

Catching the fish that swam under my butt when I was trying to reel him in!

A good day of fishing

The Bachelorette Party

2008-08-11T09:55:00.000-07:00

After the shower, we all went out for the bachelorette party. The night started off at dinner at the Olive Garden (YUM!!) and then we were supposed to go miniature golfing and then downtown. Unfortunately the mini golf girl was a bitch and there was miscommunication or something and we didn't get what Chrissy had talked to the manager about. So instead of dealing with this rude girl, we all left and took the business with us! So we went downtown a little earlier than originally planned I guess. It was all a surprise to me what we were doing other than I knew we were having dinner and I knew we were going downtown. We went to Rum Bullions, a local little piano bar, and they pull you up and sing to you. I got to do I'm a little teapot which turned into I'm a little bimbo haha! It was fun none the less. Then we headed down to Brew Brothers where we danced the night away. Here's a few pictures

Monica, Shasta and I all ready to go

Chrissy and I at dinner

Me doing I'm a little bimbo...and the girl that was pissing Shasta off because she wouldn't get out of our picture!

My dare was to find a man to marry me...this was the lucky suitor. He was a good sport! The first guy we asked actually thought we wanted him to marry me! Weird!

The girls at Brew Brothers...Katie got cut out of the picture!

All the girls at dinner

Shasta and my sister taking their shots!

Me giving baby Cambrea a kiss...she was our designated driver for the night haha! Chrissy was a trooper and stayed out pretty late with us for being 7 months preggo!

So we had a pretty good time...I ended up only have one drink and a shot when we first got there and then it was so hot I didn't want to drink...plus I didn't want to be all hungover in the morning. So I'm glad I didn't get drunk...this way I can actually remember my bachelorette party!

The Cooking Bridal Shower

2008-08-11T09:39:00.000-07:00

Wow I've totally slacked...I apologize now and have much to blog about. I am supposed to be at Walmart making a CD of pictures so that we can start working on our slideshow for the reception. That will take me oh like over an hour because I have many pictures to scan. Then I'm supposed to be at school working in my classroom because school starts in two weeks and I have nothing done! But instead I feel I owe some good blogs and chose to procrastinate just a little longer.

Shari, the most wonderful woman in the world, or Mama Bear as we like to call her threw me a bridal shower. I was very excited because it wasn't going to be a normal bridal shower. It was a cooking shower and everyone was going to be working on making something for us to eat. Then everyone brought recipes that were easy for me to make! You know I'm cooking challenged but the shower proved to be a great thing. I got this great cookbook from Monica's mom called Anyone Can Cook. It's the best! Dave has gone through and picked out dinners this past week (the nights we were home) and I cooked them up. I wasn't even nervous...I figured if I screwed them up oh well we started over or found something different. So far I have made pulled pork sandwiches and last night I made an AWESOME Buffalo chicken pizza. It was by far my favorite!! Anyway, here are a few pictures from the bridal shower...I won't over do it with pictures because it takes so long to load the stupid things, but for those of you who are on my myspace (I'm pretty sure all of you that read me regularly are on my myspace) the pictures will all be there.

My cute little apron that Chrissy got me...it says Mrs. Reeder and then my favorite saying of live, laugh, love. Plus she's super thoughtful and it is yellow, my mom's favorite color.

All the girls...well the ones that were still there...we were missing a few

Monica and Shasta...Shasta had to work really hard to make my little bouquet for the rehersal dinner...we only had one bow!

The best man in the whole entire world! Literally...Dave was supposed to pick Bubba up when he was done golfing around 12 and golf ran over and when the shower was over Dave showed up. Thank god Bubba is a good man and can go with the flow...he was there the entire shower. He made friends with Shari's husband Don!

All the bridesmaids minus Kayla...she wasn't here :(

So needless to say it was really fun. I learned how to cook a few things and best of all I got over my "fear" of cooking if you will. I learned that if you mess it up it's not the end of the world and sometimes you can improvise on your recipes. The best thing about the shower?? Dave finds my new cooking skills sexy haha!

200 big ones

2008-07-29T16:35:00.001-07:00

Yep this is my 200th post! Not so great considering I've been on this over a year haha! But oh well it's 200...felt like some milestone to me!

I have a very busy week ahead of me. For starters, Thursday is my birthday! I am turning 26 yay...I think. That's the down hill side to 30 and I'm not sure how I feel on that one. I'm sure I'll get over it but time sure is flying by.

Last Saturday the 26th, marked 4 years since my mom passed away and tomorrow will be 4years since we buried her...makes for a fun birthday the day after no? I was at the lake when someone asked the date...I said the 26th, realized the date, thought about my mom and tried to make the best of my weekend. Not too bad this year...but don't worry, I'll have many an obstacle come October to think about my mom.

Then on Friday my friend Shasta comes into town for my bridal shower on Saturday and the bachelorette party that night. I'm excited to see her and actually get to spend some time with her. Our visits are usually so short so it will be nice to have some quality time. Then Brian the best man comes in Saturday morning for the bachelor party. We decided to do the parties far from the wedding date so that these out of towners could have a chance to come and they are both coming and that is way exciting to us!

I'm stoked for my bridal shower...it's a cooking shower. The invitations turned out so cute and it's being thrown by a co-worker of mine. She has been awesome to me through this wedding planning process and she said in the very beginning that she would fill all those mom like roles if I ever wanted her to. I can't say enough how great she has been...anyway back to my fun shower! The invitations all say let's teach angie how to cook! Totally me! So we get to cook all these recipes up and then everyone brings me a simple recipe to share. Fun fun fun!

That night we are going out for our parties. I know we are doing dinner, something in the middle that is fun and silly and then heading downtown. I'm sure I'll have lots of fun pictures from the night!

I know I've been a sucky blogger, but I'm hoping after this week I get one more week to do whatever I want before school stuff starts. I plan on taking lots of time to myself!! All this little wedding stuff that I thought would be so much fun in the summer time is sucking! The little stuff is all the hard stuff!

Wyoming was...

2008-07-16T10:06:00.000-07:00

interesting! We got back late Sunday night and I have been working around the house to get settled back in from the trip. While we had a lot of fun in Wyoming, it wasn't exactly the greatest trip ever. There was a lot of fighting and a lot of hurt feelings and then it spilled over after we got home. Fortunately the fighting wasn't between Dave and I!

When we got there we stayed with Gabe and Bri. I really like these guys and was looking forward to a great weekend. It was Dave's and Gabe's 10 year class reunion and it was also Jubilee Days which is a big event wrapping up the rodeo leading to Frontier Days and the big rodeo in Cheyenne. So I knew we were going to have a great time. Unfortunately Bri had other plans.

As soon as we got there on Wednesday she started ragging on Gabe about drinking. Let's preface that Gabe drinks a lot and probably is an alcoholic. You can just see her tense up if she knows he's had one drink, and I understand that part of it. The person I dated before Dave loved to drink and I used to feel the same way. I'm sure I had a few immature blow ups in front of friends about his drinking, but I was 19...she is going to be 30 in December! So I do understand where she is coming from in that aspect of everything. However, I think she can talk to him about these things behind closed doors. It really isn't our business, but she doesn't care. She says it all in front of us, making us very uncomfortable.

Thursday afternoon we went to lunch and she was still at home working (she does daycare at her house). She told us she got off at 2. We said we would be back before 2 so we could all go do something. She got off early and instead of calling us and asking where we were to meet us, she blew up and this started the weekend off terribly. We came home and she had gone shopping so we called her. When she got to the house she yelled at Gabe because their daughter was sound asleep on the couch next to him. She was so comfy that after Bri demanded that she sleep in her bed and took her upstairs, Lexi walked right back down the stairs and layed on the couch and went back to sleep. After that Gabe said screw it let's go and we all went to the bowling alley. This is where I had a little too much fun!!

See apparently at the bowling alley (and I say apparently because I DON'T HAVE A CLUE!!!) I drank redbull and vodkas. I remember the first 3 and apparently the next 1 hit me like a ton of bricks. Therefore I do not remember leaving the Lanes, going to eat dinner at a restaurant where I put on quite the show, or leaving there to go home. Did I mention that I was home by like 10 because it was around 3ish when we went to go bowling. I figure I was good the first two hours and then I was a mess. I'll admit I was an absolute jackass that night! I was so embarrassed the next morning I didn't want to go around any of those people. But you know what everyone said, we've all been there everyone's been drunk before, at least I knew they weren't mad. I on the other hand was mortified by my behavior and therefore did not have a drop of a drink the remainder of my time there!! When I got home I wanted to talk to Bri so I woke her up (or so I thought, Dave said she was already awake). The next morning I apologized for waking her up and she didn't talk to me for the rest of the weekend. I tried to blow it off thinking she was just upset with her husband, but by Sunday afternoon I was a little annoyed because she talked to everyone at lunch except me. Came home thought she would just get over it. Went to Gabe's myspace yesterday and there was a nice comment on his page about how I was a stupid hurtful bitch and she had deleted me off of her friends. Ok that did it! I didn't do anything to her so I sent Gabe an email. I figured I would give him a chance to write to me and explain before I wrote her and screamed at her! I didn't hear back from him yet, but last night she called me.

I was a little surprised to see her name come up on my phone so I answered, ready to have words because that's what I thought she was calling about. She's very insecure and I figured Gabe told her I wrote him today about the comment and then she was calling to rip me one for that. Nope she called to apologize! I must say I was a bit shocked and the short version of that call was she apologized over and over again and said she did it just to be hurtful and she realized that she was being mad at the wrong person. I told her I agreed and that's what I thought until yesterday morning when I read her comment and I told her that was pretty rude and immature. I was honest and told her how uncomfortable she made me feel all weekend long and she apologized again and again. There's no point in dwelling on it so I told her that I was really glad she called and that I appreciated the fact that she apologized. We just needed to move on. She was like no it's not ok and I just told her there's nothing we can do to change it. Everyone is human and everyone makes mistakes.

So our trip went from fun, to shitty, to fun, to uncomfortable to coming home and having the shittiness continue to everything being back to normal! Let's just say I'm more than happy to be home! But I'm also more than happy that things are better between her and I because I wouldn't want anything to come between Dave and Gabe's friendship. And the only other good thing that came from our trip was we were able to spend time with Juan and Christina and I was able to get to know them. They were the friends that saved us Saturday morning so we weren't trapped in the house when the big fighting went down! They are both awesome but Christina and I get along really good! I had a lot of fun with them and they made the bad parts of the trip good so I'm happy for that!

Uninvited Guests

2008-07-02T08:30:00.000-07:00

Last night we had a going away party for our friend Eric. He got a new job in Sacramento and he is moving this weekend. It was nice having everyone together. And by everyone, I mean all of the old group of friends that used to hang out, plus their now soon to be wives and a few extra friends. Eric really enjoyed himself and the party was fun. That was until the uninvited guests showed up. You will all rememeber this piece of work that I have previously talked about. Yeah well her and her boyfriend showed up! Clearly I would never have invited such yuck to a party that I would be throwing, but you know what apparently someone (and by someone I'm pretty sure I mean her brother or this other girl that was there) did invite her. I happened to be at the bar getting Eric a shot when she walked in and when I got back to the table my good friend Monica said...."so I'll be buying you a drink now no??" I went ahead and took that drink and sat and chatted with the girls. I was nice and I made no eye contact with the devil's spawn. Fortunately she didn't speak a word to me either. This gives me hope that when her name is intentionally left off of the invitation that she will not be inclined to attend anyway because apparently she doesn't like me either anymore. Perfect!! So needless to say other than her annoying presence and her god awful voice, she didn't bother me all that much. You see that was until this comment was made by her neanderthal boyfriend (ok I shouldn't call him that...he seemed pretty decent last night although I've heard in the past that he has issues).

"So how's Quincy working out for ya?"

How's Quincy working out for us? How's Quincy working out for us?!?! Why let me tell you how he's working out for us you worthless piece of shit. Thanks to you and your right hand skank, he has major abandoment issues and now we have to have him on doggie prozac in order to keep him. Thanks to you and your right hand skank (and of course let's give our good friend Steve here a little credit for his mistreatment) the dog freaks the fuck out when we leave him anywhere...or when Dave leaves for that matter. He's gone through 3 kennels too, but thanks for asking. He was on day 4 of his 5 day sentence when we picked him up so thanks for the phone call to tell us you all were ready to get rid of the dog so we could have come and picked him up instead of having to rescue him from a dog shelter that is a fucking kill shelter that has caused much of his anxiety. So how's Quincy working out for us...why he's just fucking peachy!!! Oh and PS we'll be sending you his prozac bill every month you fuck stick!

Fortunately for all involved at the table, Dave went ahead and answered this question. He did make sure to point out that Quincy had major abandoment issues and when he said we had him on medicine to calm him down, Steve actually laughed like are you serious? Ha yeah fuck head we are serious again THANKS!!! What a bunch of jackasses no!!!

As if the uninvited guests weren't enough, then Eric and Kenny started talking down by me and Teela. Remember I now can get along with Kenny and not want to rip his face off his shoulders. Side note, he looks fantastic after all the weight he has lost and I didn't even recognize him when we walked in. I'm very happy for him...now back to Eric and Kenny's conversation. So they are sitting there talking and Eric is relatively drunk and he is saying how Kenny should go ahead and spit game to Teela (Eric's ex if you all remember)...then Eric the charming little shit says oh yeah I mean you already hooked up with Angie...hell probably even Katie (one of the other soon to be wives there) too. Kenny immediately looked at me...my stomach immediately did a flip flop...Eric immediately regretted what he had just said and Teela gave him a tittie twister to remind him of what a fuck he was! Then Kenny was like you know how about we don't bring that shit up...and kept trying to pussy foot around getting himself out of the glare that was coming from me! Then Eric says oh who gives a shit...Kenny quickly reminded him that a few people probably did give a shit and then Eric proceeded to say how they (him and Kenny) got left out of the wedding...they are our ushers so that we could include everyone. We could have left them out but we chose to include them. Kenny goes yeah I see that managed to get me down to an usher...AGAIN LET ME REITERATE THAT YOU ARE LUCKY YOU ARE PART OF IT PERIOD!!!! I of course wanted to say that I would like to set the record staright and that he is a big fat liar, but again I went ahead and sipped my drink and was the bigger person. No need to start shit in the middle of a bar and rehash open old wounds. It was an awkward moment for all of us, but oh well huh! I try to keep the peace with Kenny and don't want to start shit all over again.

All in all we had a pretty fun night even with our uninvited guests and slip of Eric's tongue. Hopefully Eric had a good time and enjoyed his last get together with everyone before he moves!!

Starting to feel it...

2008-06-30T09:57:00.001-07:00

I'm starting to feel the stress of the wedding and it just hit me yesterday. My wedding invitations should be here any day. That means I get to start writing those all out and stuffing all the envelopes. I know Dave will help with the stuffing, but you can't read his writing so Iwill be doing all of the writing :( As we were talking about this...it dawned on me that I need to get the map to put in the invitations...where do I do that? Everyone always has cute little shrunken down maps from MapQuest...how do I do that? Then I want the card that we put in for our website so that people can go find out info about the hotel and the wedding itself. I need to go buy those and then figure out how I am going to print them on our crummy printer at home!! That's a lot to do and I wanted to start working on these asap so that I don't have to do them all at once. Like I would like to work on a few here and a few there...but it seems like all of a sudden time is going by so fast.

I got my flowers ordered too so that felt like a stress off my shoulders, but now the girls want to pick shoes. Thank god Shasta reminded me that we need the shoes before alterations. We have to have our dresses in the end of August for alterations and the shoes take 6-8 weeks to get here and get dyed. Hmm guess we should order those. Well some of the girls want heels, some need flats, some like this shoe but not that shoe. I really don't care if they are all the same shoes so long as they are the same color! So I want to schedule a day where we can go down there and have the girls that are here try on shoes so we can order them...but do you think I can get the three girls here together on the same day...of course not! They all have very different schedules!! So that is starting to feel like a stress.

Jewelry...I gotta find jewelry for the girls. Problem is I'm not good with that kind of stuff. I pick very plain things...I need to find something that is going to look good with the dresses and match the girls. I found one at David's Bridal, but hello it's like $40 X 6 bridesmaids? I don't think so! I would like my bridesmaids to go with me and look at this stuff. You know I had always envisioned us having days where we all go together have a nice lunch and then go look at wedding stuff. That has yet to happen. I really thought days like that would be fun...I really want them to come look at dresses or shoes and pick out jewelry with me but not so much.

Gifts for my bridesmaids! I really want to do these cute little photo albums for the girls...problem is I don't have enough pictures of me with all the girls. Chrissy, Kayla, Teela I'm good with. Monica I have a few...Shasta I don't have near enough and my sister I have like one or two! So that leaves me with either doing different presents for each of them or trying to find pictures of all of us together. I have a great idea for the one for Chrissy so I really don't want to have to do different presents. But then will the other bridesmaids feel like their present isn't good enough because it's not the same?? Any other good ideas on gifts for bridesmaids??

I planned way ahead and then it feels like it's all the little things that are creeping up on me. All the things that I said oh it will be nice to just have to do the little things during the summer and right before the wedding but all the big stuff will be out of the way. Uh it was the big stuff that seemed like it was easy and all the little stuff that is making me want to pull my hair out!!

Ahh...the joys of wedding planning

Chapter 29: Our First Christmas

2008-06-30T09:04:00.000-07:00

We are jumping about 6 months ahead here...nothing real significant happened. We lived together and enjoyed it. It was time for our first Christmas. I love Christmas...it's my favorite. We got a tree and decorated it. Since I didn't have very many ornaments, we decided to go shopping for ornaments and decided we would pick out a few cute ones. We got "our first" christmas together ornament and the lady wrote our names and the year on it. Then we got a few other cute ones that we liked.

We were totally becoming that cute little couple. We did all the cutsie romantic things together and he was actually coming around to like this whole relationship thing. There was still just one thing missing...he had yet to say I love you.

I had said it plenty of times, but I backed off. You know you normally said it once a day or at least every other day to the one you love right. Well not me...I said it on days where I felt like I was going to burst if I didn't say it and then every once in a while. It sucks saying I love you to someone and not hearing it back. It would make for a very awkward moment you know. I figured he had come so far that if I had to wait a little longer than I expected to hear I love you then so be it. I didn't want to push him to say it, I wanted him to say it when he meant it.

Christmas Eve we opened our presents. He got me a few cute shirts and some other things that I had wanted. He actually did pretty good for being our first Christmas and then he got me a card. It was of course a funny sarcastic card, but the words he wrote on the inside were far from sarcastic and funny. He wrote the sweetest message about how I had changed his life and he was so glad that I was in it...you know all the mushy stuff that we girls swoon over. At the very bottom, he wrote I love you and signed his name. It was the best Christmas present I could have ever asked for. Of course I got all teary eyed because I knew he meant it. For the first time in my life I didn't feel like someone was just saying that to me to because enough time had passed. I felt like he truly loved me and it was a wonderful feeling.

**Little side note here, at our engaged encounter for the church, we had to write when we knew we loved our soon to be spouse. Dave actually wrote that he knew he loved me when we were on our first trip to Arizona when he was moving (he followed that sentence with a don't even ask why it took me so long to say it haha!). That's a whole year before he actually said it!! Ironically enough he also knew that I loved him when I agreed to go on that trip with him.**

Chapter 28: Living On Our Own

2008-06-30T08:48:00.000-07:00

Wow it's been a really long time since I posted about our little love story!! SORRY!! I did intentionally take a small break from it just because of where I was in the story. That still brings up very yucky feelings and makes the anger come rushing back to me. So for the sake of my sanity, I thought I needed to take a small break from the story...however I didn't intend that it would be this long of a break :( For those of you that need a refresher you can go here to chapter 27 and here to chapter 27 and a half.

The school year quickly came to an end. Elizabeth was going to be moving up to Washington to be with her husband since her contract at the school had ended. She was excited but I was a little bummed to have her be leaving. I really enjoyed her company and had a blast working with her and living with her. We joked that we were the lesbians at our school because we would drive to school together everyday and then we lived together. If people didn't know why she was living with me or why she didn't ever drive herself, I'm sure we looked a bit funny.

So Elizabeth moves out and now it's just me and Dave at the house. He was still struggling to define this "relationship" that he was in and wasn't sure what to do about actually calling me his girlfriend. It's been so long since I wrote about our story, I don't remember if I explained his fear. I'm sure I did but here it is again. You see just dating me and not defining it was a safe ground. If he labeled me as his girlfriend then for sure this would fail and all his relationship fears would come true. With Elizabeth gone, we had a lot of time to ourselves (obviously!) He got to where he would be more cuddly on the couch with me and he was starting to do things around the apartment like he lived there too. You see there was another glich...he never claimed to "live" with me. He would tell people including me that he was just staying there with me. Um ok...you never leave and you buy groceries and most of your clothes are here....but no he didn't live there in case you were wondering.

One night we were sitting on the couch and we were just talking. We were talking about the label of girlfriend and boyfriend and I explained to him that for me, without the label, that meant that there were no boundaries. I mean if he technically wasn't my boyfriend, then I could go on a date with another guy and sleep with him for all he cared because well I had no boundaries...he wasn't my boyfriend. And the same could be said for him (which he apparently used in the early parts as we so have read!!). He didn't much care for this thought and when I put it like this to him, he finally decided that he was going to give me the label that I so desired. Of course he didn't just come out and say yes we are boyfriend and girlfriend because that would have been too easy and a bit on the 12 year old side. He said something along the lines of well you already know you are my girlfriend, it's pretty obvious don't you think? I just have never called you that. Basically his theory was if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, then it is a duck. We were dating, living together and being exclusive. Obviously we were boyfriend and girlfriend!

Oh and PS about the dog

2008-06-24T23:24:00.000-07:00

So the doggie meds seem to be working a little. He still gets upset when Dave leaves, but he calms down a little sooner. He still got out of his kennel, but our friend Teela had the bright idea to put wood on the door so he couldn't pull it in with his teeth. We did that and he stayed in, but he chewed and clawed the hell out of the door. So Dave took it to his dad and we put a sheet of metal on the door. Now let's see him get out of there (dear God please do not let me have just jinxed myself!!!). But he's stayed in and seems to be doing a little better. So as of now we get to keep our dog thanks to Teela's genius idea!!

Quick Update

2008-06-24T23:05:00.000-07:00

Ok this must be a quick MIL update. The soon to be hubby is in the garage working and I can type about the MIL while he is out there. I wanted to clarify that his mom isn't actually 4-wheeling on 4-wheelers...she is 4 wheeling in her jeep! Even better for the drinking and driving right...but you know she is apparently invincible...or at least she was until today.

Dave got a call that she was going to have surgery to have her gallbladder removed. You are all going to seriously go oh my god you are an awful person, but I'm going to be honest here folks...I can't even say I felt bad. It's like karma come around full force. That certainly didn't go over well with Dave...whoops! It was like she was trying to have this cry for attention because she was being all dramatic about it. Ok I probably would have been too if they were taking my gallbladder away, but I digress. She kept talking about how the boyfriend was going to be there and if we couldn't get ahold of her then we needed to call his phone because he would be all up to date! GAG!

EEEERRRRCHHHHHHH

I put a screeching halt to that shit right then and there. As a matter of fact we just got off the phone with her and I told her she needed to knock that shit off. First of all, she hasn't known this guy all that long...2 months max. He certainly doesn't need to be making major medical decisions for her should something go wrong. They aren't married and he should have no say in her medical decisions. Her daughter should be there with her...I know that role. Your parents are in the hospital and you should be there with them. Patty knows this role too and would agree that at times you need to be advocates for your parents and you certainly dont' need some trashy ass boyfriend in there making the decisions (ok I don't even know the guy so I should probably give him the benefit of the doubt for being a decent guy, but eh). While talking to her tonight we find out that it's actually a cyst on her liver and they are going to run more tests on her tomorrow to see what exactly is going on. The woman is scared and when I talked to her on the phone, I softened and felt bad. See I'm not as bad as you all thought I was going to turn out to be now am I! I quickly remembered that daughter at the hospital role and remembered that when you are scared, they are twice as scared and you need to be there for support. Well then..I guess I must assume that role again. Dave had called Kayla and told her that I made this really good point (apparently I didn't get too far on his bad side) about Rod not being allowed to make decisions about her. I said you know telling Kayla isn't enough...you really need to tell your mom. She is all oogly googly over him right now like a kid in high school...she probably named him at least 10 times just while I was talking to her! It's Rod this and Rod that...does Rod even know if you would like to be resuscitated or if you would like to be DNR?? Yeah I'm sure that was something clearly discussed on your first date right...NO! Well she was like oh I told him everything and I just listed him in case of emergency so they will tell him what's going on...yeah and then they will expect him to make that emergency call decision!!! Dave seemed to think that I needed to be the one to tell her this and I'm not sure why...I'll figure that out after I finish writing!

So anyway...tomorrow there are tests with radiation and hemascans (I think that's what they were called) and hopefully they would know more. I would greatly like my nurse friends Shawna and Lainey to weigh in on this topic and tell me what they think. I told her I thought she was too stressed at her job. You would think she was a lawyer or doctor. She runs a GoodWill...honestly it will go on without her. She was even getting calls about work at the hospital for gosh sakes...until the nurse said no more! So anyway my nursing friends...do tell what you know about this little situation. I'll keep you all up to date!

Let's Talk about my Week

2008-06-20T19:22:00.000-07:00

Yes, let's talk about my week shall we. Lisa commented that it was summer and I was supposed to be blogging a lot more. This is true unfortunately I forgot about my classes this week and the one next week...after that then I swear I will have all day to blog. But for now let's talk about my week.

Starting Sunday night we went for a bike ride. It was a nice ride and we enjoyed it...until we came home and found that our dog had gotten out of his kennel. That is never a good thing because he destroys the house looking for Dave. You see our dog has seperation anxiety and a freaking bad case of it. So we put him in the kennel when we leave. Now he has figured out how to get out of it. Monday the same thing happened and then when we put him back in and Dave rigged the hell out of it with tie down straps thinking there's no way in hell he could possibly get out now...he got out again! We ran to PetSmart with literally 2 minutes before they close and bought a new kennel. I had a theory that when he got out of his kennel when we were in Texas, he bent the pegs of the door. So I figured (and prayed) that was why he was getting out and we figured that a new kennel would do the trick. You see he never used to get out of his kennel this is a new thing.

Even though we had the new kennel, I still wasn't brave enough to put him in it while we were gone on Tuesday. Fortunately the class I am currently in allows me to work in my classroom all day so I took him to school with me and he was exceptionally well behaved. That night we put him in his kennel while we went out to grab dinner and he did a good job. Wednesday he was in his kennel all day again and he did fine...Thursday too. So I was relaxing because obviously my theory was right and he was just getting out because that kennel was bent. My theory was right until last night when we came home from my softball game and he was out again. That little fucker keeps messing up my bread...sorry follow the side note here. You see when he gets out he knocks everything off of my kitchen counter. But he's got it out for my bread and my tortillas. He doesn't eat them, he just trampels them into dust. I have gone through 2 loaves of bread this week, both of which I haven't even gotten a piece of! Last night for good measure that fucker pissed on my bread! He didn't chew it at all...he knocked it off the counter into the middle of the kitchen floor and pissed on it! UGH!!!! Has he not seen the price of bread these days???

So today I went to the vet with him because he needs meds for this seperation anxiety. If meds don't help him, there's no way we can keep him and that makes me really sad. We already saved him from the pound when he was taken there in the first place, I don't want to have to be the person that has to take him somewhere and just leave him. So we are hoping that these meds work...my dog is officially now on prozac!!!

The next fun thing about my week is the MIL! Oh my god when I don't think I can possibly lose any more respect for the woman she reaches a new high (or rather low!) and proves me wrong. Now she is busy out drinking and driving while 4-wheeling! When her kids call her out on it, he responses vary from oh well it's not like we got in trouble, to oh my god we aren't going to wreck on the dirt roads (that don't happen to be maintained like normal streets and did I mention that it's in the dark when they are doing this!!!) Then she has some girl staying at her house that is like my age and her and Kayla want the girl to leave but no one will tell her to. So now she is busy having slumber parties! Then we talked about the wedding and she was shocked that she needed to pay for the DJ so soon (ok so we lied but the woman doesn't have a good track record with money) and was all put out. I got annoyed and Dave called her today and stood up to her which I was very proud of. He said you know we just don't want the time to come and then you tell us that you can't pay. He then reminded her that she said she was going to pay for the rehersal dinner too. Remember way back when when I said we wanted to see how much things cost and then we would let her know what we would like help with and she told me that she was going to pay for the DJ and the rehersal dinner because that's what Dave's aunt and uncle paid for last summer for their son's wedding? Yeah apparently she didn't remember. So then I started yelling in the background that it's ridiculous and if she would like I would jog her memory about the conversation where she told me this. Then she gets all defensive and says well what is your dad paying for...you know we should be splitting this in half! Yeah well he's paying for flowers and pictures...which cost more than what all she is paying for!! I'm even doing a BBQ for my rehersal dinner so that it's a little cheaper plus it's really what I want, but still it wont' be hardly anything at all for her to pay for that! God I swear I am just going to find the balls to just lay into her here soon!! I told Dave it's no skin off my back if she doesn't like me...my mom always had a saying when boyfriends broke up with me in high school. You lived without him the first 16 years of your life...you can live without him for the next 16. Well same can be said about her!!!

Needless to say I am sitting here drinking a glass of wine!! I think I might have found one I actually like!!

The Trip to Texas

2008-06-09T10:50:00.000-07:00

Our trip went really well. We had a lot of fun, but it was really fast. It seemed like our trip was really long, but at the same time it went by really fast if that makes any sense at all! It was nice to see the boys of course and even better to finally meet their dad and the guy that Dave and Kayla have the utmost respect for. After about 5 minutes with him, I quickly figured out why they had this respect for him. He's a great guy!

Thursday when we got there we just hung out around the house and visited with everyone. Denise, the boys' stepmom, had her son and his wife coming in that night at like 7 so we waited and when they got there we all had a nice dinner together. We ended up running to WalMart to buy Daunte, Dave's nephew a slip and slide because there is no grass for him to have one in Arizona...he loved it to say the least!! Here's a few pictures from that night!

Friday was the day that their mom flew in. We all went out to dinner that night and then the kids went to pick her and their grandma up from their airport. All in all she wasn't that bad. Don't get me wrong there were a few times when I wanted to kill her and then at the graduation party we didn't exactly see eye to eye and I let her know that one. The night she flew in Dave asked her if she planned on changing before we all had to go out in public with her! Unfortunately I didn't get a picture of that outfit so you will have to paint the picture with my details. She was wearing a really cute pair of jean capris...and a white shirt...nothing too bad until we all realized that she shirt was like a mid-drift and was showing her tummy! Hello did you forget that you are like 46ish or so?? Dave was less than impressed and she was like oh my god I was just trying to be comfy on the plane...Dave's response was for who?? She spent the entire night taking pictures of all the kids. I swear we had to stop every 5 feet to take pictures. But it was probably nice so she has some good pictures of her and the kids. We stayed out really late that night and then had to get up for graduation the next morning. Here's a few pictures from Friday night out with her at the RiverWalk.

Dave's mom and all her kids: Dave, Robert, Brian and Kayla

Me and Dave for one of our many pictures

Saturday was graduation. Robert woke me up very early to ask me if I would go shopping with him. He said his girlfriend had called and she was worried because he didn't have slacks to wear and a tie. So at 7am we were off to find him some cute clothes. He said he picked me because I could color coordinate and make him look good (my sister said he must be blind haha! She thinks I have no fashion sense!). It was fun because he and I went alone and we got to spend some time together. Here's how he looked before graduation. I think I did a pretty good job.

We headed to graduation and Dave's mom and grandma became huge pains. They kept calling because we were running behind and they were freaking out. I'm shocked they made it there on time! But they called like 5 times in 3 minutes no exaggeration either! The graduation was good and we got lots of cute pictures afterwards. Here's just a few! The last two are from his graduation party. That was a lot of fun too and there are seriously too many pictures! So I just picked my two favorties haha!

The Graduate!!

Robert, Denise and Bruce

Us with Robert

All the kids

Robert and his parents

Robert and his pretty girlfriend Courtney

I ♥ my brother in law!

I love this raspberry rum stuff!!

So Dave's mom did end up coming to the graduation party. Bruce was nice to her and she was bitter through much of the evening. She made several comments that a lot of the stuff they had up on the walls was stuff that her and Bruce had in their house. She was very scarce much of the night and either hung out with the boys or tried to avoid everyone all together. I think she stayed a little over an hour and then used some dumb excuse that she had to get back before it was dark. I said I thought that was dumb (she chose to stay on the opposite side of town instead of where she was originally going to stay) and that there was no reason for her not to stay for a while. She said she just wanted to leave and was acting all poor pitty me and I just said that it was time for me to go outside before some heads had to roll. I didn't even get up to acknowledge her leaving. Bruce laughed at this and said are you the one in there talking all naughty? I said if you mean regarding your ex-wife why yes I am! The kids all said that he wouldn't talk bad about her to anyone...I proved them wrong! I told him I didn't agree with the way that she treated her kids and that she wasn't even going to come out there for the party. His jaw dropped and I said that I told her she was going because the weekend wasn't about her it was about Robert! Then after Bruce had a few more cocktails he really let it fly with me and we sat and laughed forever!! We asked him and Denise to be a part of our wedding and Denise said oh jesus that isn't going to go over well! Again I said you know what...it's not about her it's about us and David would like to acknowledge you as a set of parents at his wedding so she can get over herself!! Denise about died and I said you've heard of a sperm donor...at times I think she was just an incubation pod and then we all had a good laugh! Raspberry rum will do that to you.

Overall the mom was pretty nice to me. She tried to be nice anyway and at times was like over the top nice...to the point of being fake! We shall see how she continues. Her husband just left this weekend so now she is free of that. She still has the divorce and stuff but I'm sure she'll be out acting like a teenager here real soon!!

AHHH...

2008-06-09T09:53:00.000-07:00

Summer is here!!! School is out and I can take some time to relax...and BLOG!! I know I am much better at blogging in the summer time because I like to get up in the morning read blogs and write...so Jen I hope you are ready to do some reading. I know I have been el blog writing suck lately but now I will be better and hopfully I will finish up my story here very very soon! I have lots of pictures to post from graduations and our trip to Texas...of course a lovely story to go with that trip!! I spent all morning catching up on all your blogs so now I am ready to work on mine!!

Texas

2008-05-30T11:31:00.000-07:00

Hey ya'll!! Yep I'm down in Texas this weekend for Dave's little brother's high school graduation!! I decided I better write and say where I have been since I got two comments this morning about my story haha! I have been busy trying to get my report cards done because we had to leave for this weekend and school gets out on Wednesday so the past few weeks I have been way busy and haven't written anymore on my story. Sorry!! I even had a comment from someone that has been reading my blog and not commenting...whoo hoo my first lurker if you will haha! It's cool to know that others have been reading my story too!! And sorry Shawna I have sucked at blogging but trust me I'm sure I will have even more to add when I get home.

Aside from continuing my story (which I should be able to finish because school gets out on Wednesday so I will have lots of time to write whoo hoo!) I get to spend the weekend with Dave's mom this weekend. Ya'll (haha can't help it...it's all I've heard so far since I've been here) know that I will have good stories about her considering I see the weekend going one of two ways...either we will have a nice weekend or we will not be speaking by the end of the weekend! I'm sure you can all guess which it will be haha!

So I promise to continue on the story as soon as I get home. And since school will be out there will be lots of time to write and you will have lots of chapters to read!!

Chapter 27 and a half: A Side Note and an Update

2008-05-14T22:37:00.001-07:00

Shawna left me questions about where things stand with Kenny and if he ever admitted to anything to me that night we had our big blow up. Shannon used all the words that I would have used to describe him (and I love love love her for that!!!) and wanted to know if he was in our wedding. I feel I need to give you all an update and how things played out with Kenny in the years to come.

First of all to answer Shawna's question, no he never once said anything to me that night about anything happening between us. He just kept asking me what the fuck...what the fuck and telling me that I was going to wake up Elizabeth and I needed to be considerate of my roommate! Clearly he missed that rule at our house. I repeatedly asked him about it and he never once said a word regarding what he had told Dave. And you think I'm joking about the 400lbs...that's really what he weighed!!! I must say that now he has had the lap band done and he looks great. He has lost over 200lbs and is doing wonderful...I debate about putting up a picture to show you all what I'm talking about. For some reason, I feel like I should not blast his photo all over my blog. But I'll be emailing them to you soon haha!

To answer Shannon's question, he isn't "in" our wedding. I made it very clear to Dave that while I understand that Kenny is his cousin and they USED to be very close, he was in no way welcome to stand up as a groomsman at our wedding. I said if he felt he needed to include Kenny in our wedding, the most suitable job for him would be an usher (dear god please don't let him walk Shannon to her seat!). I felt I needed to respect that Dave may want him in the wedding and I also felt that Dave needed to respect that I didn't want him as a wedding party member. So that is what he is...he's an usher for us. When Dave called to ask him to be an usher, he actually responded with the comment, "not a groomsman?" I of course asked Dave if he asked Kenny if he was out of his ever living mind because why in the HELL would we want him to stand up for us?? He said no and that he told Kenny besides our siblings no family was in the wedding. Thanks for standing up for me jackass...Dave isn't much for confrontation.

As I said Dave didn't talk to Kenny for about a year. When we all went out in a group if he was there Dave really didn't even talk to him...he might have said hi but not much more. After a while Kenny started to call him and Dave would talk to him. He still respects how I feel about it and so he will go to lunch with Kenny when he knows I won't be around. Or he will talk to him when he knows that I won't be home. It wasn't until about a year and a half where I could even go to the same room as Kenny without freaking out. I was so angry and I didn't know what to think of the whole situation. One night we were all going to go out to dinner. It was the first time since this all had happened that just the three of us were going to do something together. Dave was supposed to be home before Kenny got there but he wasn't. So it was just Kenny and I sitting in my living room for a half an hour while we waited for Dave to get home. He had just got a new car and when he came in I said "oh you got a new car." He responded with a yes and we did not speak another word until Dave walked in. Since then, we have been able to hang out with Kenny. We don't do it often, maybe once every three months or so. Dave will go to lunch and stuff with him, but we don't often all hang out. When I first see him or he walks in, those first five minutes are hard for me. I think of all that happened between us and I get angry. Then that passes and I tell myself that I have to be the bigger person, move on for the sake of it being Dave's family, and appreciate what I have in my life right now, Dave.

One thing I find very funny about the few times we would hang out with Kenny was that he ALWAYS managed to bring that night up. He would mention how fun that night was and how drunk we all got and all this stuff. I always gave him this glare like why in the hell would you ever bring that night up again! Especially in front of Dave. Not sure if it's his way of rubbing it in or what, but it always peeved me. The thing was was that his story ALWAYS changed. He never told it the same twice and I started to point that out to Dave. I told him that I never changed my story and still today I still told it to you guys the same way I told it to him that night. But Kenny's story was never the same. One night we were all talking and Kenny mentioned that I was so drunk I couldn't walk myself up the stairs. He said "I had to carry her to her room and I put her to bed and then went and watched TV on the couch and went to sleep." My ears shot up immediately because when he was telling this version of his story it was just he, Dave and I at dinner one night. I promptly kicked Dave under the table to draw his attention to what was just said. It was Kenny's little slip up that proved that I had been telling the truth all along and that Kenny had lied about the night! If I was so drunk and he had to carry me to my bed, there was no way that I was coherent enough to have done things with him. When we got in the car I asked Dave if he heard what Kenny had said and he said yes. I said that proves' everything I ever said and he told me that I was right. I guess some of that doubt had to have left his head that day and he must have known for sure he had made the right choice.

Chapter 27: Mending the Pieces

2008-05-14T22:14:00.000-07:00

The Sunday night I returned home from Winnemucca was a very long drive. You want to talk about butterflies in your stomach...well I had elephants running around in there. I was so nervous about how things were going to go between me and Dave. Was he going to believe Kenny? Was he going to trust that I really wouldn't do that kind of thing to him? Aside from the nervousness in my stomach, I was still reeling with anger towards Kenny. I talked to Elizabeth most of the ride home. She decided that the only explanation for something like this was that Kenny liked me and he was going to sabotage what Dave and I had. She pointed out that when Dave would go home on the weekends, Kenny would stay. Whether or not she was right we will never know, but it was her theory and she stuck by it.

I pulled up to Dave's house in Fernley and went inside. We made brief conversation and when I tried to bring anything up, he just seemed to want to ignore it. I am not the kind of person to just brush something under the rug, especially not something as serious as this so we were going to get to the bottom of this. At the same time, I knew I had to give in a little to what he wanted because if I pushed him away here I might lose him forever. We talked for a while about our weekend and just simple small talk. It got late and I told him that I was going to head home. Since it was a Sunday, he usually drove in and stayed the week at our house. Of course I wanted this more then ever, but I didn't want to push. I asked if he wanted to come and he didn't say anything. I sat there for a minute on the verge of tears, truly believing that I was losing him. Then he got up and got all of his stuff and said he would follow me in. I smiled and went outside to wait for him. While I was calm in the house I was doing the victory dance and a big fist pump in my head!

Once we got to the apartment we went straight to bed. Once in his little comfort zone of my room, that's when he started to talk to me. He told me that he didn't want to believe anything that Kenny told him, but that was his cousin and he couldn't believe that he would just make something up. At the same time, he wanted to believe me because he really did like me. Again, I never said it didn't happen because I honestly didn't know for sure. I told him that all I knew was that I really cared for him, I was in love with him, and that was all I could tell him with certainty. Obviously he chose to believe me. At times, I often wonder if in the back of his head if he questions and still wonders if I am lying to him. It hurts my feelings to think that he would think that I would lie to him about something like this and it hurts even more to wonder if he really does have the doubt. I wonder if at times he wonders if he made the right decision to believe me because it hurt his and Kenny's relationship greatly. You see after this night of talking, Dave never went back to stay weekends in Fernley. He permenantly lived with Elizabeth and I until the end of the school year and then when she left for Washington, it was just he and I living there. He made his choice and chose his sides in this argument. And Kenny realized that. Dave cut all ties with Kenny for a long time. After almost a year, he finally started to talk to Kenny again and I had to learn to respect that. Dave understands my uncomfortable feeling when I am around Kenny and he respected that and chose to push Kenny away for a while.

Once Kenny wasn't staying with us anymore and he was also out of the picture, Dave was able to work on a "relationship". We spent all of our time together doing very couply things. We went to Arizona for my spring break and spent more time with his family. Again, Darrell could tell that we had something special but when someone asked if we actually dating, he never seemed to have an answer for that. Rather he would just smile or change the subject. After all we had been through, he was still hung up on this stupid label!

Divorce

2008-05-14T17:03:00.000-07:00

Dave's mom is officially getting a divorce. I guess things around their house have gotted really ugly and yucky lately and I guess that Darrell is finally going to move. He told her that he wouldn't contest the divorce and that he didn't want anything. He did want to take one dog with him and supposedly that was it. I guess he has turned a little shady and is trying to get money so he can go. She doesn't want to give him the money and I just think if you wanted someone gone so bad, you could give him the gas money to get to Montana. She could care less that it's over and he said that we could all go visit him anytime but he wouldn't have anything to do with her once he left. I guess she's already hanging out with this new "friend" and that she took the "friend" to meet her parents the other day. They all loved him and said he could stop by anytime. Kayla went over to his house to swim...and Darrell knows nothing of any of this!!! Dave and Kayla don't really seem to be too bothered by the divorce and all the while I am sitting here thinking..."DOESN'T ANYONE THINK THIS IS EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT SAD????"

I know that Darrell isn't any of the kids' biological dad, but still he's been married to their mom for the last 7-10 years! When I met her she was with him and so that's all I have ever known. If my mom hadn't have died, my parents would have been married 42 years this year. Divorce is unfamiliar ground to me. She has done this so many times her kids are immune to it...I think that's incredibly sad! I can't understand how she and he can just write each other off. I mean if you are with someone for so long, wouldn't you feel the slightest bit sad when they leave? I knew that Jonathan and I weren't supposed to be together anymore but at the same time come the day he actually moved out and left, I was sad...a part of my life was over. How do you just not care at all about this person you have shared so much time and love with? I can't fathom it at all! I keep imagining what their goodbye is going to be like when he actually goes to leave? Will they hug each other and cry at all that this didn't work out and it was yet another of her failures of marriage? Will he just walk out the door and say nothing? I don't understand and it's really bothering me.

I tried talking to Dave about it last night and he said that he understood why I was so bothered by it. He said it makes him a little sad, but that it's not like him and Darrell were super super close. Still...he was there everytime we went to visit and he was also the ONLY person that knew that Dave and I would work out...he's the one that said I would be back and we should stop crying. Maybe I just have a soft spot in my heart for him because of that. Then I talked to Dave's sister and she said she was kinda sad, but it's been so yucky there now. Her son calls him Poppa so what's Daunte going to think when one day he's just gone? He's going to want to know what happened to that Poppa and why he can't see him anymore. She said she was just immune to her mom doing this and so you get used to it. How sad is it that you get used to a feeling like that?

Then when I found out that there was another "Friend" that was already in the picture I went from feeling sad to feeling really sad for Darrell and being angry. She took his guy to meet her parents for Christ sake and she isn't even divorced. The greatest part was that they thought he was a great guy and really liked him. While I'm not saying he isn't a nice guy, I am wondering what the hell they are thinking. They must know how their daughter works by now and they must know that he is more of a prospect than a "friend" Again...AM I THE ONLY PERSON THAT SEES ANYTHING WRONG THIS "FRIEND" SITUATION?? I don't care how unhappy you are, you need to take care of what you have at home and get that settled before you move on to something else! (And I believe this because I learned my lesson from doing it to Jonathan!...I was 20 she is 47ish!!! Big difference and she hasn't learned after 4 marriages!!!!) How can they just move on to accept this new guy when she is still married? What kind of example does that set for all of her kids? Dave and Kayla might be grown, but Robert and Brian are still in high school...so they learn the way to deal with relationships is to make sure you have someone else picked out before you end the one you are in.

I don't know I guess I've just never experienced a divorce this close to me...never had one in my family and never remember friends' parents getting divorced when we were older...the friends' that I grew up with that had divorced parents were already divorced when they were much younger so I don't remember the divorce. I just don't know how to deal with it because I'm not going to pretend to his mom that I don't find this a little on the sad side you know.

What are all your guys' thoughts...anyone that has experienced a divorce or has advice for how I could just let this be and not let it bother me?

Chapter 26: A "truth" comes out and a friendship ends

2008-05-06T19:46:00.000-07:00

I say that a truth comes out, rather than the truth because that is how I feel. The story that was told wasn't the truth (at least I sure hope not), but another truth surfaced that night.

Dave continued to stay with us and he continued to battle about the stupid girlfriend label. One night Elizabeth were home and we were waiting for the boys to get home. The boys usually got off work, then met at the gym and then came home. The finally got home and Dave was really quiet. Kenny (read that blog if you haven't already so you can understand the Kenny story)wasn't saying much but they told us that they had to go to Fernley to get Kenny's extra set of car keys. Elizabeth and I found this odd because they were driving around in Kenny's car. They were gone for a while, but not long enough to go to Fernley and back...hmm weird. Dave came into the house, got his stuff and told me he was leaving. WHAT? Where the hell was this coming from...I hadn't even seen him all day what the hell did I do? He wouldn't tell me anything and stormed out of the house. He said that he would call me later that night and that was that. Clearly I am absolutely dumbfounded here! I have no idea what just happened. I decide to ask Kenny because obviously they had just been together and I was sure that Dave had said something to him.

Kenny told me that he knew nothing. He had no idea what Dave was upset about. I found this to be a farce (and what a lie that little fucker told!) and I needed to think. When I get upset I go for a drive and listen to music. I told Elizabeth to get something out of him and I would be back. She was a good friend and sat and asked him what the deal was. His "response" aka LIE was that I was smothering Dave...that I was just all over him and he needed his space. I come home and Elizabeth tells me all of this. I think it's very odd that Dave wouldn't have just told me this but I feel a little better. We all went to bed that night...KENNY SLEEPING ON THE COUCH IN MY LIVING ROOM. (this is important!) He called like he said he would and he was pissed. He was very sarcastic and short with me. He kept asking me how I couldn't know what I had done...he kept saying "You really don't know why I'm so pissed." Uh clearly I don't...that's when he dropped the bombshell on me!

He told me that I had "hooked" up with Kenny that night we all went out. He told me that Kenny had told him that we hadn't had sex, but that we had done more. I'm sure you all know how I get worked up...I think that comes through my writing. To say my blood was boiling at this point was a complete understatement! To say that I wanted to actually kill a person would have been much more appropriate.

To my knowledge (when I say I blacked out I honestly did) none of this had happened. However, I was honest with Dave. I told him that I honestly couldn't tell him if it had happened but I was pretty sure it hadn't. I didn't know and that was what was scary. It was also what was making my blood boil. Here's my reasoning: First of all I would never had chosen to come home and "hook" up with Kenny over Aaron any night and I told Dave that. I told him that clearly I would never have chosen to pass up Aaron and then come home and done stuff with Kenny...hello Aaron = DREAM GUY!!! Second of all, I woke up with all my clothes on. The same ones I went to bed with. I know when I have some drunk sex or drunk hooking up of any kind, that I do not put my clothes back on...I am going to lay there and go to sleep naked! When I woke up in the morning I had all my clothes on, my jeans were buttoned...everything like it should have been. So that means one of two things...either Kenny is a big fat liar (I like the thought of that one) and made up the whole story OR Kenny is a big fat fucker, that actually took my clothes off, did stuff with me, and then dressed me again so I wouldn't know (see why I really don't like that one!). I was devistated...first of all I felt like I was losing Dave, second of all I felt completely betrayed and violated by one of my good friends! I explained myself to Dave and told him that I really really liked him...I wasn't going to let anyone get in the way of that and I knew that in my heart of hearts. He was going to have to trust me on that one. He said he needed a few days and he would probably call me in a few days. He said he was not going to talk to me the next day so not to call him or anything. For once in my life I respected that and I think it was the best thing I could have done. I didn't talk to him the entire next day. Friday was the day after that and I was leaving to go to Winnemucca. I didn't think I would talk to him and I contemplated going to his work to see him. In the middle of the day, he sent me a text message. It simply said "drive safe to winnemucca." I knew that was my ok to talk to him again...I went to see him when he got off of work that day to talk about things some more. We decided that I would stop in Fernley on Sunday on my way back through to Reno. We would talk that night and see where we were going to go.

You guys thought it was time to go to the next chapter didn't you? You all forgot one important thing...KENNY WAS STILL SLEEPING ON MY COUCH!!!!!! I know this chapter has gotten long but bear with me. While I am talking to Dave that night, that shithead is asleep on my couch. I told Dave I was going out to yell at him and I would call him back. I left my room, went out there and screamed the shrillest scream at him ever! I asked him what the hell he was thinking telling Dave something like that and why in the hell he had never said anything to me after it happened if it supposedly did happen!! He acted like he was asleep and then kept saying "what the fuck" in this really sleepy stupid sounding voice. He kept telling me that I was going to wake Elizabeth up...uh no shit...if she wasn't already awake she's going to be when I go pounding on her door crying because of what an idiot you are!!! I still can't believe that he actually lied to us, telling us he knew nothing and then had the balls to actually sleep on my couch! Anyway...that's where mine and Kenny's friendship ends. He left me a letter the next day and left our house key there saying we needed time apart. I still harbor very ill feelings towards him and I try to get along with him only because it is Dave's cousin. The first few minutes I am around him, I can't stand to be there and then it gets better. But things have never ever been the same between us...he is always very short with me and me with him. I will probably never know what really happened and to me that is ok...all that matters now is that Dave and I are together and he chose to believe me over Kenny that day.

Chapter 25: What's in a label?

2008-05-06T19:35:00.000-07:00

Now that he was back home in Reno, I thought for sure this was going to be smooth sailing. Silly me I had forgotten who I was dealing with. While he had expressed his feelings for me in Arizona, they were slowly carrying over into the land of Reno. He had cut off all ties with Steve...he only talked to him every once in a while but we weren't all going out. That helped out the cause because that was one less person to influence him. He started staying with Elizabeth and I and Kenny continued to stay with us too. The four of us were having a lot of fun and it was clear to the two people living with us that we were together. It was clear to me that we were together. However, it was still a little cloudy for him to figure this out.

Within weeks of him returning I asked if we were actually 'dating'...you know boyfriend and girlfriend for reals...hello third grade. He said something along the lines of a cloudy no. Wait what...you moved back from Arizona to be with me you jackass what the hell do you mean we aren't dating! He kept asking me why I needed a label? Why did I have to be called his girlfriend if we knew that we were exclusively dating? Well let's recap...the last time I "thought" we were exclusively dating I made an ass out of you and me by assuming that concept. That's when Janna happened and I didn't need another one of those things. I tried to explain to him that calling me his girlfriend just set boundaries and made things clear...no more gray areas, then we knew what we were. It made perfect sense...if we already feel this way then why in the hell aren't we going to call it that?

You see in his warped mind, he felt if he put a label on it, then it was going to fail. If we were just seeing each other and dating, but not calling it something serious then it was ok. The minute he put that label on it, we were going to fail...just like when his mom got married. As soon as it was "final and committed" it failed. I tried to explain to him that if the label wasn't important to him , but it was to me to just give me the damn thing! We battled for the next few months for this stupid label until the night I thought I had lost it all. Talk about being blindsided.

Chapter 24 and a half: The new roommate

2008-05-06T19:04:00.000-07:00

I guess before I can really write the next chapter I have to give a bit of an explanation about a new roommate that I had at this time. Kenny, Dave's cousin, was clearly missing Dave just as much as me. We found that when we spent time together, it made missing Dave a little less stressful for us. I was actually living with a teacher from my school at the time, Elizabeth, and she welcomed this extra company too because we had a great time together the three of us. Kenny would stay with us all through the week (he was living in fernley communting to reno each day) and then maybe go home on Saturday and then come back on Sunday.

While that whole month went on, Kenny stayed at our house. When Dave moved back, he just joined in too and started staying with us. The only difference was that once Dave was back, Kenny didn't really go home on the weekends. Dave would go home on the weekends (clearly annoying me because then I felt like I was just a place to stay...you'll see in the next chapter), but Kenny would stay. Elizabeth and I never thought too much of it because we were so used to him being there.

One night things went down between Kenny and I...I'm not sure where exactly it fits in the story because it occurred the month that Dave was away. It's not a topic I prefer to think about, talk about or even hint about, but for the sake of the story, you are going to have to know this even if I have to spare a few details. So it might not fit perfect here, but it's got to be told for the rest of the story to make sense.

The weekend that Elizabeth went to see her husband (she was living with me because he had gotten a job that he had to move for right then so she stayed with me till the end of the school year), Kenny and I went out with Teela and two other friends. We went to Trader Dicks and started drinking scorpions. All five of us shared the first one, the girls shared the second one, and Teela and I drank the last one. Needless to say Teela and I were beyond wasted. This is probably the drunkest I have ever been and the only time that I actually blacked out from drinking (yeah I know...no good!). We moved our party to the Breakaway to see my friend Kevin from there. Well Kenny wasn't as wasted as us so he drove...we got to the breakaway and Aaron was there. Short backgroud, Aaron was the guy I pined over since age 2. We grew up together and I loved him...he was hot and when we got to college I finally hooked up with him. We are talking this is my dream guy. Kenny on the other hand weighed 400lbs (he has since lost almost 200lbs and looks fantastic!). I have pictures of both these boys, but for their sake I won't put them up here. Just keep the mental imagine as I continue...my dream guy and a 400lb guy. At the breakaway I had a special drink the bartender made me..."something sexy". I started drinking these like water and wandering around the bar professing to everyone that I wanted to go home and I wanted to talk to Dave. Aaron was sitting at the bar and he was hitting on me. He was flirty and he kept whispering in my ear "let's just go back to my place...you can sleep there for the night like old times." Uh no thank you...I wanted to talk to Dave! Did you hear that...I just turned down my dream guy and I was WASTED! I was much less drunk the first few times I hooked up with him and allowed my bad judgement to take over there so clearly I was really liking Dave at this point! We decide to leave and someone was clearly looking out for me. Kenny drove us and he was drunk by this point...not a good choice and I have never made a choice like that again!

We took Teela home first. This was when we had all that snow and school was closed for like 3 days. I passed out in the backseat only to wake to Teela's voice saying she's going to kill me. I of course professed my undying drunk love for her even though she had just thrown up all over my car. I was too drunk to care. With all the snow my car got stuck. Since Kenny was driving, my drunk self got out and tried to push. Yeah I ended up face down in the snow. I get back in the car and the next thing I remember was being at my apartment. We had to park far away because all the awnings had collapsed under the snow. I remember getting out of my car and falling and telling kenny to just let me sleep in the snow. And that was the last thing I remembered from the night. I woke up the next morning, in my bed sleeping in the same clothes I was in the night before.

That is where I will leave the story...when I get to the other chapter this fits with it will make sense...you just needed the background to understand when I get there!

Chapter 24: A Long Month

2008-05-06T18:38:00.000-07:00

Hopefully you guys are all caught up now...I blogged many chapters and then thought I would wait a few days so you could all catch up on reading them before I started more.

Much to my surprise, Dave kept his promise. He did call me everyday. As a matter of fact, I remember he called me on Christmas day and I still have that message saved on my cell phone (I'm a dork yes I am aware of this). The day we left for Arizona was the first day of our relationship. We talked every single day...hours at a time. And little by little, his mother was driving him nuts!! She wouldn't let him leave when he wanted to. One night he wanted to go to Wal-Mart at like 10pm and she blocked his car in, and hid the keys to the truck so that he couldn't move it and leave. Hello nutso! With that on my side, I started trying to convince him to come back home.

The more time we spent on the phone, the more he wanted to come home. He missed me and he was much more open with his feelings. The more his mom pushed and tried to control him, the easier this was getting. He decided on a date to come home and then I started looking for plane tickets. Of course I was going to fly down and make that 12 hour drive home with him. He kept being wishy washy and changing the dates that he was thinking he would come home. I swear to god that it was the longest month of my life! I finally told him one day that I was buying a plane ticket for the weekend of Feb 3 and that's when I was coming down. And that's just what I did.

When I got there, he was waiting for me in his car. I got out and it was butterflies all over again. I was like a little kid waiting for Christmas morning. He gave me a huge hug and then we picked up right where we left off. Oddly enough, there was a point in the weekend where I thought he wasn't going to come home with me and I was freaking out because I only bought a one way plane ticket!!! It appeared that his mom didn't know he was coming home with me and that's where I got my bad rap with her. It's all my fault that he moved back home and she holds that against me to this day. That's fine with me because ever since that day, Dave and I have been inseperable!

A Closer Couple

2008-05-04T17:46:00.000-07:00

Well we just finished up our Engaged Encounter weekend and I must say that it wasn't anything like we thought it was going to be. Both of us thought it was going to be a lot of sharing your feelings in a big group and I just knew that Dave wouldn't do well with that. Turns out that there was a lot of sharing of feelings, but everything was kept private between the two of us.

Friday night when we got there, I saw this guy that I went to high school with. Instantly we had a friend there and it was nice because it made it a little more comfortable. Then another couple joined us and we decided to be a six pack for the weekend so we were all comfortable. This morning they asked if we all knew each other before we went there and when we said no, they thought it was so funny because we got along really well. So that was one nice thing we left with two new couples of friends. Friday night was probably the worst because we listened to them talk, then we went and wrote seperately on our topics, then we met together and that was what we did all night. So we didn't have high hopes for Saturday.

Saturday was a very long day. But by lunch time, we were having a lot of fun. Right after lunch we played a yes or no game and it was hilarious to see the ridiculous things that couples disagreed on and even some of the serious things they didn't agree on. The weekend consisted of talking about topics that are we will encounter as a married couple. Our presenters were a couple that had been married for 43 years and a couple that had been married for 4 years. Then we also had Father Chuck there with us. They alternated on the topics and spoke of there experiences concerning these types of things. Of course the topic of sexual intimacy came up and the older couple had us all laughing when they talked about the magic blue pill!! Satruday night was probably my favorite, next to this morning. We had a nice candle lit dinner and then we had just a big group discussion. We could ask questions regarding the church or just simple wedding questions like where might we honeymoon type of things. It was just one big session of advice and then we went to a prayer session. As a couple we got to write a prayer together. I thought this would be hard for us and surprisingly it came to us rather easily. We agreed that we would read it the night before we get married. After our prayer, they gave us a candle to take into the chapel. If you stood, they would come pray with you, either your prayer or just a simple prayer that they had. If you sat, they wouldn't come pray with you. Openly praying is something very new to both Dave and I so we decided to just read our prayer together and then sit. It was the most relaxing part of the weekend. All the lights in the chapel were dimmed and all the candle light lit it up...they had soft music playing and it was really just calm and peaceful. After everyone had prayed, we formed a huge circle around the alter. Then they led us in a prayer where the girls had to take the boys' hands in theirs and they read about how these would be the hands that would hold your first born child and stuff like that...then the boys were asked to take our hands and listen while they read about how these were the hands that would be rough from dishes and folding laundry (dave laughed and put my hands down at that thought!). You had to look into your partners eyes the whole time and it was incredibly romantic. Very few dry eyes in the room for sure.

Then this morning we got to write a love letter to each other. They sent the girls to the library and we were all told to stay in there until the boys came to get us. Well we did our writing and they told us we had only a few minutes to finish up. Here came the boys...the first guy walked in and he had a rose...of course all of the girls Awwwed, thinking where the hell did he get that! Well then in came the rest of the boys and they all had single red roses...all the girls continued to aww and it was very cute watching the boys try to find their soon to be wives. Not only did they have their roses, but each guy was carrying tissues in his other hand haha! It was very sweet...we then seperated and went and read each others letters. Dave's was very touching, espeically considering he made lots of jokes on many of the writings in the weekend. I blame the people because they said that it was important to keep a sense of humor through the weekend and that gave him a free pass he thought! But his letter was very sweet and we will take our letters and save them in our wedding book.

So, I must agree with Lisa...I would recommend this to couples. There are parts of it that are very churchy, but there are also parts of it that really could help couples who are struggling with things from the past or concerns about the future. Obviously I didn't recap the entire weekend here because really no need to bore you, but I shared with you my very favorite parts!!

Our weekend

2008-05-02T17:47:00.000-07:00

Well we are off to start our engaged encounter. Poor Dave is still trying to figure out what in the hell we are going to do for the entire weekend, but I have high hopes that it is going to be fun. If not, I am going to owe him a big one!! We are there tonight from 7-9:30, Saturday from 8:00am-9:30pm, and Sunday 8:00am-4:30pm! Wish us luck!

I'll blog about it Sunday night hopefully and then I'll have more chapters for you all. Figured I'd give you guys a few days to catch up on them all haha!

Chapter 23: A Defining Moment

2008-04-25T16:59:00.001-07:00

This is by far my favorite chapter of our entire story. Without this chapter, we certainly wouldn't be where we are today!

I talked to my sister and asked her if I could come home the day before Christmas. I explained to her that I really wanted to go do this and that it was something I needed to do. This was our first Christmas without my mom, and to my utter surprise my sister didn't put up a fight. So I made the decision to go and it was the best decision I have ever made.

Kayla and Kenny backing out of this trip was the greatest thing could have happened. This meant that Dave and I would be in a car alone for 12 hours. Certainly I would get some answers to all my questions and things would be settled by the end of this trip. It's not like we were just going down there and then I was turning right around and flying home...I was there for 5 days.

We left very early the morning of December 18. I remember him having to tell Kayla bye and all the tears and it really sucked. I remember thinking that he was dumb for moving and clearly he could see that we all wanted him here much more than anyone in Arizona.

Once we were in the car, everything changed. It was like it always was when we were together by ourselves without the influence of our friends. He was just himself and my myself. We started listening to music and he would play songs for me and it was literally the most fun car trip we have ever taken together. Once it started to get dark outside, he would reach over and hold my hang...butterflies would flutter and I tried to soak in every single second of it. Every road trip I hope that feeling will be recreated, and every road trip I am let down. Never again will I have those butterflies in my tummy...never again will I cling to every single word that he says in that way. We got lost on the way...making the trip even better. Sometimes words can't even describe how I felt on the entire trip...it was absolutely perfect and trying to write every single detail down won't even do it any justice.

When we got to Arizona finally, I was able to meet his mom and grandparents...yeah did I leave out that I had to meet the family on this trip. He wouldn't bring me along if he didn't like me...no one was going to believe that we were just friends, especially after the car ride down there. This trip was also the most fun I have ever had with his mom...I again try to recreate this feeling with her to no avail (obviously!). We spent the next few days going to Mexico and having BBQs drinking at his grandparents house. Again, words can't describe the amount of fun I was having...why couldn't we have been like this in Reno? Oh yeah...no friends here to impress...no outside influence...just Dave here in Arizona.

The night before I was to leave, we went to his mom's Christmas party for her work. We had an amazing time, but then we got a phone call from Steve. They of course wanted to know what we were up to and my drunk self was about to tell him! I told him that I really liked Dave and that I was tired of getting shit from them. Then I felt like an ass and went crying to the truck because I wanted to go home. You good times when you are way drunk!! He came and sat in the truck with me and I really don't remember at all what he said. The next thing I knew, Darrell (mom's husband) came out and gave Dave the keys and said to take the truck home and that they would get a ride home. Very nice of him I must say.

When we got home, we sat down on the couch. I told him that I was really sad that the next morning I was going to leave him and I wouldn't get to see him anymore. I was really sad that nothing more every became of us...all the while drunk crying here. I was snuggled up with him on the couch when all of a sudden I hear a sniffle. Could it be that he is crying?? I look up and sure enough he is like bawling crying. What the hell is he crying about? He then tells me that all this time he liked me. He is so afraid of relationships that he didn't know what to do but that he doesn't want me to leave...he wants me to stay there and he is going to be so sad when I get on the plane tomorrow. Most girls would be touched...most girls would be like YES I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG!! This girl, however, was thinking...HELLO MORON YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO MOVE, along with thinking, NICE FUCKING TIMING YOU GENIUS!!!!

He drops this on me the night before I am to leave...who does that!!! Oh yeah Captain Disaster here. We spend the rest of the night just cuddling and talking about all of our memories made thus far. We briefly touched upon where we might go from here, but I didn't want to get into that. I had already decided that I wasn't going to do a long distance thing and he was staying in Arizona so really what hope was there for us? It was going to be one of those things that at least I got my answers and I knew that I was important to him, but that the timing was just never right.

We both cried once we got to the airport the next day. Darrell went with us so that was a bit awkward. I was looking forward to some major movie goodbye here. Hugs, tears and lots of kissing...I really wanted to make sure that I got lots of kissing in. But kinda hard to do with Darrell tagging along. I didn't know what was going to happen and my plan of me being the one to leave him was pretty much out of the question now that I knew he had feelings. We both hugged and were sad...Darrell on the other hand sat back and laughed at us. Darrell's exact quote of the day, "I don't know what you guys are crying about...I have a feeling that we are going to be seeing a lot more of her around here." (So glad that Darrell could see it!)

They called my plane, we had one last hug and we promised to call each other everyday. Knowing how he was about the phone I figured that it was a pretty empty promise on his end, but to my surprise I was wrong. I waved goodbye and I was gone.

Chapter 22: Surprises

2008-04-25T16:28:00.000-07:00

Shortly after the Halloween party, Dave decided that he was going to move back to Arizona. I tried to talk him out of this, throwing every excuse of why to stay at him. But his mind was made up. So I did all I figured that I could do...I tried to spend as much time with him as I could before he left. I went to see him at work everyday after I got out of school and we would all hang out on the weekends sometimes. I started to think that he was moving for a reason and this was going to be good for me. Obviously although I thought I was winning the battle, I wasn't. He was going to move and if he couldn't deal with a relationship in the same city, there was no way in hell that he could do a long distance one and frankly I didn't want that either. I tried to pull back feelings and tried to just stay on the friend level. We all know that's much easier said than done!

About a month before he was to leave, Kenny, Kayla and I decided that we would all drive down there with him. We didn't want him to have to drive for 12 hours by himself and they were really upset he was moving. (Kenny is his cousin, Kayla his sister) I had another motive...I had decided that if I stayed here, he was leaving me. It would feel like there were so many unanswered questions and I would also cling to the what ifs. But, if I went to Arizona with him, I would be the one leaving him there. It would be my way of saying goodbye and letting go. When I left, all my feelings and everything for him would have to stay behind with him. This was seriously my logic...looking back I might have been a little crazy at this point.

We decided that we would throw him a surprise going away party. I called his dad and we were able to have it at his house. Teela, Monica and I planned it all out and it was going to be perfect. I was going to go to the shop and ask him to help me with something and then we would go to Fernley. Everyone would already be there...I didn't count on one thing. When I got to the shop, someone wanted to have a little sexual before we went on our way to Fernley! Hmm...I looked at the clock...I had plenty of time and who was I to pass up sex with him before he left! Teela kept calling me and calling me and I wouldn't answer. God knows he didn't make this one a quickie...oh no he wanted some romance! Hello did he not know I had a surprise party waiting for him in Fernley...oh wait right he didn't. Teela covered for us as long as she could and by the time we arrived 2 hours late (OOPS!) everyone knew that there was clearly something going on. We made him this great book and filled it with pictures of all of us. Everyone wrote him some goodbye message on their page and we put this roast of him in the front. It was a lot of fun, but it still didn't mask what was really going on...he was leaving and I wasn't sure how to cope with this.

There was one more surprise in store for me. A week before we were all to leave, Kayla and Kenny backed out. They decided that they weren't going to go and that left just me to go. I thought for sure that he would say that he would be fine by himself and that he didn't want me to go. Imagine my surprise when he said he didn't care and if it was ok with me that I should still go.

Smooth?

2008-04-24T23:45:00.000-07:00

Hopefully I got the bumps smoothed out! I had this story all discombobulated (a word my mom loved to use) halfassed and turned around that hopefully now it is all back in the right order. I still am in awe that I forgot literally the most important part of our love story and how we came to be. Shannon is right I am taking way to long to write this...I'm starting to forget the important parts! I think I did pretty good tonight...I got 4 chapters done and hopefully tomorrow I can get a few more up.

So Shannon I did my best and stayed up late to get some chapters up haha! Can't wait to see your comments on my two favorite chapters...18-19!!

Chapter 21: I'm No Quitter...

2008-04-24T23:41:00.000-07:00

Obviously I didn't give up. If I had given up that day, I wouldn't be where I am today with him. But I backed off even more. I went home that night and told myself that I was not going to let him "use" me or whatever the hell he was doing. I wasn't going to play the games, I wasn't going to let him run this little "relationship" that we had, and I certainly wasn't going to play second fiddle to anyone! So that meant that I had to not be at his every beck and call. If I got the text message to meet, I had to learn to say no. A few times of that and suddenly someones attitude was a little different!

I couldn't give up. Even with all that had happened, I knew in my heart of hearts that he had to like me. He wasn't really just using me (although at times it was easier to think that so that I could be mad at him and get over him). I really wasn't second best, rather he just realized what he wanted. He had to care about me, otherwise why would he have shared all that stuff about his parents divorce? That was him stretching out to tell me to work on him a little more. A little more time and he would come around. The question was...did I have the patience to give him this time? Did I have the patience to trust him again and to put myself back into him after how he had been about Janna?

You know the answer...you know the story doesn't end here!

Chapter 20: An Open Wound

2008-04-24T23:38:00.001-07:00

**THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED - IF YOU HAVE ALREADY READ IT, YOU NEED TO READ IT AGAIN - IT USED TO BE CHAPTER 18**

A few chapters back Shannon wanted to know why Dave had stood me up for dinner...since I had forgotten a major part of the story I had answered her in this chapter...I said it was just because he was that much of a flake...after writing the last two chapters, I must wonder why he really didn't come to dinner...maybe he was busy with someone else! Not to mention in this original post I said nothing interesting happened...I guess chapters 18-19 weren't interesting haha!!

Back to the story...Janna remained an open wound forever (by forever I mean still occassionally today). They never hooked up again, but I backed way off. I wasn't sure how to handle the situation. There was no sense in looking like a pathetic girl that couldn't take the hint...I mean he told me that he was interested in her! But at the same time, I couldn't help but feel that there was something between us. He still flirted although everytime he did I made sure to throw her in his face! He still called me at night and acted like he cared. Obviously he didn't end up with her. Janna was "hot" according to his friends so they encouraged him to hook up with her, and they often talked about how great it must have been to sleep with her. Again, here he was impressing his friends. I think that she wasn't interested in him that way because she was busy being a slutbag and so since she didn't work out he came back to old reliable...me! This thought has always bothered me, will always cause me to question things, and will probably haunt me for many years. It's like I was the back up...if things didn't work out with the girl that he really wanted, well then he could settle for me. I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does. I know he is marrying me, and I know this thought it absurd, but in the back of my head I will always have that nagging thought that maybe just maybe I was the number 2 that he settled for.

Back to where I was...Up until this point, I thought I had been winning the battle. Even with the whole Janna situation, I really thought I was making progress towards him wanting to actually be my boyfriend and to end all this secrecy. It was a tough battle, but little by little he was coming around. Or so I thought.

Teela had also been a wonderful support system. Being the only friend that knew anything she was really good about giving me advice and not just advice I wanted to hear. She was getting to the point where she started telling me that maybe he wasn't worth it anymore (especially after the Janna situation). She was starting to tell me that maybe he really wasn't interested in that way and that I was wasting my time. This all came to a huge head the night of the Halloween party.

We attended a Halloween party at our friend Gillespie's house (his name is Steve too so to avoid confusion, we call him by his last name). Everyone was having a good time and Dave was being really flirty, yet he was being distant when the boys would walk up. He, Teela, Eric and I were all in the backyard talking. These mixed signals that he was throwing at me were starting to really piss me off so I decided that I wanted to go home. Earlier in the night he had told me that he wanted to stay at the apartment with me...ok that meant he wanted to get laid. Whatever, worked for me! After this Janna incident, I was going to pay him back somehow. I was going to show him that I could just sleep with him and send him on his way in the morning...again who was I kidding? So I told him that I was leaving and asked if he was going to go with me. And here is where the night turns to shit!

He stood there like I had just asked him something in a foreign language. He looked at me, then looked back at Eric. He did this for a few minutes. What was he supposed to say? Should he go with me because he knew that's really what he wanted to do, or should he succumb to the pressure and put on his show for his friends...let's see he picked option #2! He told me that he was going to stay there for the night. WTF! A half hour ago he was going with me, but now that Eric is around he is going to play hard ball and be a tough ass. So I did what any rational, I mean crazy, girl would do! I played the game for like the next hour or so.

I stormed out of the house and acted like I was leaving...hello did he not get the picture? He was not following me out telling me how he screwed this up. Ok...I go back in and say are you coming with me or not? No...storm out again! Wait outside...hmm he still doesn't seem to be getting the hint that I am done hiding shit and it's time for it all to come out. This goes on for at least an hour...go in, get told no, storm out, go back in. What an embarrassment I made of myself that night. Looking back that's ok! He acted like he could give two shits less about me and I was livid. The last time I walked out Teela left with me. I was in the street crying and yelling and she was trying to actually be rational and talk some sense into me. She told me that obviously he wasn't interested in taking this any farther and that it was about time that I gave up. If he had gone home with me it would have shown his friends that he cared...he didn't so that meant that really I was nothing more to him than a piece of ass. That combined with the Janna stuff should have been enough to make me see it for myself. She gave me some wonderful speech about how she really liked Dave, but that if he wasn't going to man up she thought I deserved better. All I heard was GIVE UP.

I couldn't give up...I was winning the battle...wasn't I? I thought for sure he was finally seeing the good in a relationship. I couldn't give up now...I was so close. But after his actions that night, giving up seemed like the only option.

Chapter 19: An Explanation of Janna...and more

2008-04-24T23:05:00.000-07:00

I made my phone call. He could tell that I was upset and asked if I wanted to talk about what was wrong. BOY DID I!! I just came right out with it...I told him what Eric told me and he tried to dance around it. He tried to play dumb and by this point I was shaking with anger. His bullshit didn't last long before the truth came out.

He told me that the reason he had been putting off a relationship with me was because he actually liked this other girl, Janna. They had been hanging out when he was at his cousins house because they were roommates. They had hooked up and he thought that we shouldn't do anything anymore because it wasn't going to go anywhere. He said he could see that I was developing feelings (NO SHIT SHERLOCK!) and he couldn't say the same. He actually had the audacity to tell me that he wanted to give things with her a shot to see where they went. I on the other hand, wanted to slap him, her and anything in between! I was dumbfounded and I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He honestly did do this to me...I know I had no reason to be mad, but let's not kid ourselves...I was furious and crushed!! I knew from day one that I had strings attached and don't like him fool you he knew I did too! Since I didn't know what to say...I did the next best thing. I sat on the phone and cried...I cried forever! I told him that I hated him and that I didn't understand why he did this. If he liked her why didn't he just tell me and stop sleeping with me? He didn't say much and I didn't care to hear any possible excuses that had a chance of leaving his mouth. I literally cried on the phone for what seemed like an hour (and it probably was because we were on the phone for 3 hours) and fed him some bullshit about how I just wanted him to be happy and that we would still be friends and nothing would change. Who the hell was I kidding?? This wanting him to be happy bullshit was only true if I was the one making him happy. I was ready to get off the phone. That's when he threw in a curveball and really sent me into WTF mode!

Out of absolutely no where, he says to me "Do you want to know why my parents got divorced?" Do I want to know why your parents got divorced? um no I want to punch you in the face right now! But since I had just told him that we would remain friends I thought what the hell, humor him and listen. He proceeded to tell me the wretched ways of his mom...all the things we know and love these days about her. He told me how she had come to Reno for a wedding and how his dad (please stay with me because this is actually his step-dad that we are talking about) had sold his gun collection to pay for her ticket and then she came home and was always talking to this guy. Next thing they know, dad is moving out and this guy is moving in. Home wrecked! I am having a hell of a time following this story because he is talking about Wyoming and his dad never lived in Wyoming. That's when I clarify that this is his step-dad but he calls him dad too. Then I make mistake #2 and ask why his biological parents got divorced. That was a young marriage and his dad had anger issues at the time. Wow this was all a lot to take in...I was suddenly realizing why he struggled so much with relationships and why I was having such a hard time getting him to make any sort of committment. I felt bad for him, but honestly WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH YOU JUST TELLING ME THAT YOU SLEPT WITH ANOTHER GIRL!!!!!

Months after this phone conversation when we had some breaking moments in our relationship, I relalized what this divorce talk had to do with the situation. This was his way of reaching out and saying, please don't give up on me...I don't have a clue what to do in a normal relationship. I don't know how to act or what a good relationship looks like. When I once asked him why he ever told me that, he said he saw it as his only way to make me understand that I couldn't give up. It was his way of letting me know that he was a work in progress and he realized that he messed up, but he wasn't ready to admit that in those exact words. Good thing we were speaking the same language that night huh...maybe I should be a mind reader!

Chapter 18: More Devistating News...

2008-04-24T22:33:00.000-07:00

The post that I am about to write is the worst part of our entire story. It was the one thing that did bring me close enough to actually give up and be done with him. Oddly enough, I forgot this entire chapter. It's such a thorn in my side that I have no idea how I could have possibly forgotten thing, but I see it as a good thing. It must mean that I have started to actually put it behind me and not dwell on it anymore. These next few posts are going to seem out of order because I forgot this chapter, but I will go back over and smooth them all out.

As if my world wasn't devisitating enough right at this moment with everything that had just happened, I was about to receive more devistating news. There was a night that I spent on the phone with my friend Eric. Eric had lost his dad a few years earlier and at the time, he was the only friend I had that had any idea what I was going through. He knew what it was like to lose a parent at a young age. We used to spend hours talking on the phone together, and this night was no different. We talked about my mom for a while and then the conversation somehow turned to Dave and I. Of course I played it off, but I slowly started telling Eric that I did like him. I wasn't letting on to everything, but he knew that there was more than friends there.

As nice as Eric tried to be and as much as he said he was looking out for me at this time, what came out of his mouth was enough to make my stomach churn like I had been on a carnival ride for 8 continuous hours. Eric informed me that really I didn't have a chance with Dave because there was this other girl that he liked. She was way hot (apparently I was dog meat at the time) and he was totally into her. Then he gave the crushing blow..."You know he fucked Janna" I shut down. I asked how he knew this and he said that Dave had been bragging about it to the guys. I quickly tried to get off the phone, but Eric knew that the damage was done. He knew I was going to tell Dave that I knew this and Eric reminded me that Janna was a way better choice and that I should just let Dave be. I heard none of this...my head was spinning.

How could he do this to me? I know we weren't together, and we were sleeping with each other no strings attached, but I really didn't mean that and in no way did I think he did. We had been doing this for 8 months and we had never slept with anyone but each other. Was everything I thought about him really all a lie? Was he really using me when he needed me and then actually "liking" another girl? No sense in making myself sick over the what if questions...it was time to get some answers. I hung up the phone and called Dave.

Chapter 17: My Career Begins

2008-04-21T18:51:00.001-07:00

Most people think that dates around my mom bother me. Her birthday, my parent's anniversary, Christmas, Mother's Day. Ok Mother's Day does bother me a lot...but I get bitter and sad that my mom isn't here and everyone else has a mom to celebrate with. But those other dates don't really bother me. I can get by them like they are just another day. But there is one time of year that I really really miss my mom. I cry each and every day of this week and to some it may seem silly. But to me it's very upsetting.

You see my mom died before my first day of teaching. She died in July and my first day of teaching was in August. This is very hard for me. I really wanted to be able to tell her all about my first day and tell her how my kids were and even tell her what I wore. But no, I couldn't do that. Telling my sister wasn't the same...there wasn't that excitement in her voice. Not the excitement like mom. Mom would have said "that's great babe". "I'm so proud of you." That's what mom would have said...but mom couldn't say that because she wasn't here.

Steve and I's friendship continued to strain. After him not being there for me with my mom's death, I really found less time that I needed to spend with him. I didn't care to share my first year of teaching with him and I didn't care to get help or ideas from him. We began hanging out even less in the months to come until it came to the point where months would pass before we spoke or spent time together.

Fortunately for me, I had a class of angels for a first year teacher and a "mama bear" that was right next door. While she's not an important part of our love story, she is an important part of planning our wedding and my teaching career. Shari is the woman that teaches next door to me. She is an older woman and a wonderful teacher. Our first year of teaching, there were about 7 new teachers. We had to take a class after school on Tuesdays because we were new and this class was held in Shari's room. She stayed for all the classes even though she didn't have to. All the first year teachers came to her when they needed anything because she had that motherly persona about her. Thus her name "Mama Bear". She truly is a mama bear. She helped me through that first year of teaching and she has been wonderful while I have been planning my wedding. She got teary eyed one day and told me that she would be there to help in any way she could and she would do all those mom like things with me if I wanted her to. She is wonderful and I would be lost without her.

Dave and I continued to hide everything from our friends. We talked almost every day and I went to the shop to see him every single day after school. I would stay there until 5 and leave when he did. It was around this time that everyone grew a little suspicious of all the time that Dave and I were spending together.

Chapter 16: My Birthday Dinner

2008-04-21T18:43:00.000-07:00

We buried my mom the day before my birthday. On my birthday, Steve finally called. By this point in time, there was no reason for me to stay in Winnemucca. It was time for me to head home and start to adjust to life without my mom. So that afternoon, I hugged my family, shed some tears and drove back to Reno.

That Sunday (my birthday was Saturday) was the day that Dave came home. Remember I was picking him up from the airport. This was the thing that was going to prove to me that life went on and things that were planned would still happen even though she was gone. Seemed pretty trivial now, but it made sense to me at the time. When I arrived at the airport I was thrilled to see Dave. He gave me a hug because he could clearly see that I needed one. We drove to Fernley so that I could take him to his dad's house. We talked about the funeral, we talked about his trip to Arizona and then I dropped him off. He swore to me that he would be there that night for my birthday dinner. At this point in our friendship...Dave was a flake! He often made plans and then just didn't show or just told you he would come to get you off his back. But I knew that tonight he would show because he knew I needed him to be there. I needed my friends around me to make life feel somewhat normal.

We went to Outback and all the girls were there. Monica, Heidi, Teela. And all the boys were there. Kenny, Steve, our other friend Steve, and Eric. EVERYONE EXCEPT DAVE! Steve made the incredibly retarded choice to bring his sister with him...have I mentioned I HATE HER! Why yes I have...please refer to Chapter 6: The Skank! So now Dave isn't there and I am texting him and calling him...no response. How could he seriously pull his flakiness at a time like this? Was he really that much of an ass that he couldn't see that even as just a friend I really really needed him there? Apparently so!

The one person I really wanted to be there totally stood me up and the person I disliked the most was now there! Wonderful...Happy freaking Birthday!

Christmas in March

2008-04-21T17:46:00.000-07:00

Shannon reminded me that I never posted a picture of my real bed that finally came the end of March!! It is beautiful and you have to remember when you look at it we need a new mattress because that is a full and the bed is actually a queen! So we must go purchase a new mattress...who the hell knew they were so expensive!!

My bed! With my kitty laying in the middle

A close up of the headboard

The bottom of the bed...a close up of all the wood and the knots in the wood!

I really like it and it's way better than I ever thought!

Didn't forget about her...

2008-04-21T17:35:00.000-07:00

I was rereading my blog the other day about the friends I have found on here and I forgot someone! I think it's because she doesn't write a blog (although now she is), but she is always good about commenting and I look forward to her advice and thoughts!

LISA!!

Lisa is my other cousin and I am very happy that I have been able to get back in touch with her. I'm glad that she is reading my blog and that she leaves me comments and gives me that advice! I really didn't forget about how much I value her friendship the other day...I just didn't have anywhere to link to her. :)

So this is in amendment to my post...she was left off but that doesn't mean that she was forgotten!

**I also fixed it in the original post!

Mending the Broken Pieces...

2008-04-21T17:17:00.001-07:00

Ever since this post I have had a lot on my mind in this area. I didn't feel bad about writing the post because at the time it was how I felt...at times it is still how I feel. But it just didn't sit right with me and I knew that there had to be something more.

The other day Dave's sister Kayla told me that she had talked to their mom and asked her what her deal was lately. She is very distant from everyone and so on. She then asked her why she was so uninvolved in our wedding. Her response was that everytime she made a suggestion she was shot down or it was already done. I was highly annoyed by this because she only made a suggestion about a cake topper and toasting glasses and I didn't shoot her down, I said I thought those were things that we should pick out. I didn't say her idea was dumb or hell no I wouldn't do that. I just said I thought those were things that Dave and I should choose.

So ever since that conversation the other day, stuff weighed down even heavier on me. I don't agree with the way she is being, but at the same time I know that somewhere under all this unhappiness there is a good person. (I know you are shocked to hear that if you read the post above) I decided that I couldn't let this eat away at me or my wedding was going to be yucky while she was around. I had to clear the air and set things straight so that I felt better and could let go of some of this resentment that I have developed towards her.

So today, I started mending the broken pieces...

I talked with my friend Monica and she gave me the courage to call and confront Dave's mom about all this stuff. But Monica doesn't have a mean bone in her body so Monica could tell me how to do this in a nonconfrontational way!

I called his mom on my way home from work. We made small chit chat to start with and then I started telling her about our invitations and our cake. She actually seemed more interested than normal so I couldn't use my in and ask her why she seemed so uninterested! Damn! I did what I had to do and just laid it all out there. I told her that I really do want her to be a part of our wedding and to be involved in the planning when needed. Especially with my mom not here, I want that mother figure to help plan and have that experience with. I want to be able to call her and ask her questions and I want her to be excited. I actually said when I call you should be excited, fake it if you have to! Figured I should be honest. Her response to this was ok good. Apparently she felt like she was waiting for permission to join the game again if you will. She felt like we didn't like her ideas and that I had shot her down (all the stuff Kayla told me). I explained I just thought that was something for us to do and that everytime I called her she seemed like she blew me off or she was very uninterested. She said when she was teasing about the dresses (not sure if I blogged about that but she was teasing me telling me she was going to wear a white or some color of white to the wedding for 45minutes she teased!) that she thought I got mad. I stated that I did find it annoying but that she had apologized the next day. I told her that when she blew me off and said that she wouldn't be able to come to any showers (not that she had been given any dates yet) because she had other things going on that it hurt my feelings. I intentionally want to plan the bridal shower and bachelorette party in the late summer so maybe they can actually come up because it's far enough from the wedding. Her not so much the bachelorette party, that one more for Kayla and Shasta, but the bridal shower I would like her to be at. I would like her to meet my family and get to spend some time with all of us so they can all get to know one another. Before she had said point blank she wasn't coming to them. Today she said she did want to be there and she was sorry for being that way earlier. She then came out and told me that she has a lot going on and she started to cry.

She told me how unhappy she was with her husband and how she doesn't want to be with him anymore. Again, I agree she shouldn't be unhappy, but she should go about this in the right way. I told her that it frustrated Dave that she was doing this again (4 marriages...she's earning a track record) and that he wanted her to do this the right way and not the way it happened with Bruce (the dad of his two brothers that Dave adores). I hoped that she got the picture that you divorce first, find boyfriend second. Not the other way around. She told me that she is tired of Kayla living there because she doesn't help. I told her to stand her ground and make Kayla pay rent. She works full time she could contribute but I said she won't unless you make her.

We talked a bit more and then her phone died. She's supposed to be calling me back on her way to dinner and I'm sure that she will.

I know that I took the right step today. I don't want to harbor all this ill-will towards his mom. I want her to be a part of our lives and I don't want her to take for granted these moments that she has with her children. I still may not agree with everything she does, but at least we are both on the same page on the wedding stuff. She knows that we want her to be involved and she knows that she is welcome to be involved. I know that she was waiting to be invited again and now she is. It made me feel better to be able to let go of some of this anger towards her and be able to just have a normal conversation. I know Dave appreciates it because then he isn't stuck in the middle.

Hopefully this was all that needed to be done to clear the air, clear any misconceptions and make it where we are both comfortable with the involvement of the wedding.

Flowers continued...

2008-04-20T09:21:00.000-07:00

After everyone's comments on flowers I thought I would go and look at some pictures on the internet. In my previous post I said that I really didn't want all the fall colors in my bouquets...I must retract that statement. (You're right Jen they are really pretty!) I guess I had to see fall colors all together...I just want to make sure that it goes with the colors of the wedding and people aren't like why in the hell are her flowers that color when her dresses are that color! Below are some that I liked...

The bottom one is actaully my favorite! Lisa commented about roses and calla lilies in my colors. Having wine roses and white calla lillies and after seeing the above picture with the red and yellow ones, I think that my bridesmaids will have something very similar to that! Those flowers together are really pretty! I guess that I am just going to have to go and look through books (although I already did that once unsuccessfully!) and sit down with the flower person to get some ideas. I have plenty of time for flowers so Iwill wait the 5 weeks until school is out and that will be my first task of summer!!

Following the Trend

2008-04-20T08:54:00.000-07:00

Alright, I couldn't resist joining in the fun. Dave told me that it wasn't necessary to do everything that my blogging friends did...I informed him that why yes when it involves posting embarrassing pictures of him from the past I must do as my blogging friends do!! So without further ado, here is my soon to be hubby back in high school or a year right out. I got these pictures from one of the guys in our wedding!! I can't say any of them are that embarrassing but I had to laugh because he had earrings!!

Anyone need a babysitter...upon asking him who this child was, he said he had no clue! That's good some poor kid has been corrupted in Laramie! Also, Gabe that we went to see that's him in the top pictures...I'm sure he won't mind being part of pictures back in the day!!

The earrings, the stoned/incredibly drunk look...yep he was hot stuff there!

Straight out of his senior yearbook...his senior picture!! He looks exactly the same...he can still pass for 12 at times haha!!

Those are really the only pictures I have here at the house of him from back in the day. I have a few more group shots that Gabe sent us, but you can't see him good. I had to crop the senior picture off of his high school reunion page hahaha!!!

Wedding Assistance

2008-04-16T20:52:00.001-07:00

I think this is a fitting post after my last one...it proves that I really value your opinions and want your advice. I need some wedding advice and assistance.

Issue #1 - Registry
Ever since we got engaged and I set up our wedding website, I have had this cool little calendar thing that tells me when I should do things. Like start looking at hair styles now because you probably think that you don't need to look until like a month before the wedding. Or you should order your dresses by now so that you aren't freaking out when they aren't here in time. Some of the things have been really helpful because they might have been things that I overlooked and the website in general gives some pretty good wedding tips. Other things have just been kind of a joke on there and apparently I can't seem to think of one right now...but just things that I would never do at my wedding anyway, but I guess they didn't make the checklist for me, they made it for all to use. I digress...the registry was one of the things that has already come up and I was surprised at how early it was on there. So we followed suit and got excited that we could go register for things and walk around the store making a wonderful wishlist. Well that was all fine and dandy till we got to the store.

First place I wanted to go was to the towels section...I thought it would be fun to pick out decorations and colors for our bathroom since really only our guest bathroom has a theme. Of course I wanted to go with like a dark burgandy and a black for our bathroom. He said no. Wait what...I'm making a wish list here and you are telling me no??!?!! Ok I must consider your feelings too. He then states to me that he really doesn't like dark towels and that we should go with something lighter because dark towels leave fuzzies. I want dark because dark hides any possible stains that may never come out! Then I start thinking to myself and I say "Self...why in the hell are you taking his opinion on this because he is fucking color blind!!!!" We are now off to a bad start because I feel he is just being a pissy pain in my ass making the section I looked forward to the most a disaster!

We move on to bedding...nope can't agree on anything there. I figure let's go over to appliances because we do have some common ground there. We knew that we wanted to register for a griddle and an omelete pan. Found those and got them on the list. Got some glasses that we could agree on and that was about it. After spending like an hour and a half there we registered for maybe 20 things. And the freaking towels that are on there match the ones we already have in our guest bathroom! Figured we could use the same colors and have two sets so stuff still matches. We also got silverware and some fun little margarita glasses. I wanted some wine glasses and then we headed to pots and such. Here in lies the problem. We don't have a clue what we should be registering for!!!

Yes Bed Bath and Beyond give you this lovely little list that you can follow as a guideline of what most people register for and such. But you see we aren't most people. I am by no means Emeril, I more rank under Chef Boy-R-D! Dave can cook and so obviously we will be registering for pans and pots that I will someday hopefully be able to use. Knives...I expect Shannon's expertise here because I want some good kitchen knives.

What did you guys all register for? What was the one thing that you registered for that you were so excited to get or you couldn't wait to get it? Or what was something that you registered for that you really wish you hadn't? I have heard that you can get carried away and you really only want to register for things that you will actually use. There's the first area I would like your advice. If you go to www.bedbathandbeyond.com you can type in Angie Plaza or David Reeder and find our registry. I have the number somewhere but am too lazy to leave the computer to get it! You can see how far we got and see the few things we already have and make suggestions from there. See that I have added nothing as we went and did this back in like February I think!

Issue #2 - Flowers
I am not a flower person...I like them yes but not all the time. I like to get roses once in a while but not for every occassion. Therefore I have not a clue on flowers. We are getting married in the fall and our colors are chocolate brown, wine and ivory. Let me know some good flowers and color arraingments. I'm not sure how I feel about all the "fall" colors that I have heard should be in our bouquets. I'm not a huge orange color person so I would have to see it arrainged to see if I like it in a bouquet. I would like roses to be a main theme, but I would also like to have simple bouquets.

Friends across the distances

2008-04-10T13:03:00.001-07:00

I started blogging a while ago and it has been a great experience for me. Shannon got me started and I'm really glad that she did. It gave her and I a chance to get closer again and not to mention she kicked started my butt on the Tummy Tuck Club. But that isn't all that I have gained from writing this blog.

Patty posted a blog the other day and it was really sweet of her. With all that is going on with her dad, I sent her a card with a little angel. I hoped that the card would bring a little smile to her face and show her that she has a friend way on the other side of the states that cares about her.

I feel that I have gained several friends since having this blog. Granted I know Shannon and Lisa in real life and I have met Steph because she works with the parent of one of my students, but there are more friends on here that I have never met, yet I consider them a friend. I have never met Jen, Julia, Patty, or Shawna in real life, but I feel like they are good friends to me. I feel like I have met them before because we read each other's blogs and we know what is going on in each other's lifes through that. Maybe that's why I feel like we are friends. I genuinely care about them and the things that happen in their lives. I hope that they all feel the same about me. It's nice knowing that there is support out there even though I have never actually met them.

When I am having a bad day, my first thought is to come here and write about it. I might want opinions about what to do or just want someone to comment and say they too had a crummy day. But what I have noticed is that sometimes I can't wait to get a comment back from one of you because I truly value your opinions and thoughts. It's like I'm waiting for a friend to return a phone call or something. I find that sometimes I tell you guys more than my friends that are actually around me in my everyday life. It might be because you don't know me in person or because I just trust you all as friends. Either way, it's nice to know that I have that support.

So Shannon, Steph, Jen, Julia, Patty, Shawna and Lisa....thanks for being such wonderful friends...even if for now it is only in the blogging world!

(PS this blog made so much more sense in my head...sorry if it's a bit rambled)

Frustrating Day

2008-04-07T22:11:00.000-07:00

From the previous posts, you wouldn't know I was very frustrated today. But I am!!

Our yearbook at school is due today. Teachers have to put their pages together and have them turned in. We know that these are all due all year long, and yet we all put them off to the last minute. Don't get me wrong...I finished my today at 4pm. We all procrastinate and we all do it. But the teacher that usually puts the whole thing together and sends it off to print is unable to help this year. Her mom is dying and she just can't spend the extra time at school. Clearly I do not blame her. This is why I offered to HELP if she needed anything. She was also my lead teacher when I was a student teacher and I can't tell you how wonderful she was to me with my mom being so sick. She would let me go home early on Friday's or leave anytime I needed if I needed to get home to Winnemucca. I went to Winnemucca every Friday so that's why she let me leave early most Fridays. Helping out on the yearbook was the least that I could do for her at a time like this after how wonderful she was to me in the same situation.

Well as I said I offered to HELP...not do the whole thing! Apparently (and I don't know that this is the way it truly is) our boss told her that me and Chrissy would do it. No one asked us, he just told her that we would do it. Well I offered to help, but I never volunteered Chrissy so not sure how she got thrown in the mix. I take it as a compliment that he thinks I can get this done on time for Wednesday and make sure that it is right. However, if he really did just tell her we would do it, I would have liked to have been asked. As I said I don't mind helping, but I have never done the whole thing on my own and I don't want to screw it up because I'm not sure what goes where! Anyway...this stressed Chrissy very much and I don't like her to stress...it's not good for her and it's especially not good for the baby. So I told her not to worry, but she will because she doesn't think it should have all been dumped on me either. Anyway...that's what's frustrating me.

Shannon would be proud because all I wanted to do after spending three hours after school trying to put the pages that I had from teachers together (this is not including what they will all turn in tomorrow!) was come home and eat Olive Garden. Particularly this...

Ravioli's in alfredo sauce plus of course the 15 breadsticks that I was craving. But did I go to dinner and have that...NO!

I had this...

The raspberry chipoltle salad at Quizno's for 490 calories! And you know what...after I ate it I was very satisfied and glad that I didn't go to Olive Garden! (I took a picture of my actual salad, but honestly I'm too lazy to go get my camera and load a picture of the salad on here)

I also wanted to go and walk my dog after school, but as you read above I spent three hours after school doing yearbook so I didn't get to do that either!

10-16

2008-04-07T22:02:00.000-07:00

I went shopping this weekend...it was a great spot...everything was a really good deal? Dying to know where I went?

MY CLOSET!!!

My bed finally came...I must post a picture of that in a moment...I forgot to blog about it. We went out mattress shopping and we want to put our old mattress in the spare bedroom. Well we would have to move some things around and there is a big dresser in there. Dave said it was full of all my clothes...this translated into one drawer had some pants in it and the rest of the drawers were full of his upholstery shit! Anyway...I started looking through the pants.

Now as Shannon and I have clearly stated before, no sizes are the same. Just because I am now comfortably in a size 12 at Old Navy does not mean that the size 12 jeans in my closet will fit me...no of course not. In the drawer, I found that I had pants that were sizes 11/12, 12, 13 and my all time two favorites, an 8 and a 9!!! Well I looked at the 8s and just laughed...so far from that. But then I held up the 9s. I shit you not I they look like a size 0!!!! I was like when in the hell did I live in Reno and was that size? I really can't remember...it had to have been like my second year in college. I don't even know where I got these pants. I had this great plan on Saturday (see that's when I wanted to write this blog) to go and take pictures of all these pants and post them, but then I remembered how much I hated loading pictures on blogger and decided that you will have to use your creative imaginations! Back to the size 9s...they were seriously so small and I thought they looked smaller than the size 8s. I held them together and what do you know...the size 8s probably have at least 1/2-1in on each side making them bigger than the 9s! I tell you sizes are retarded.

I decided that if I was having this much fun in this one little drawer, my closet must be a haven. Yep...it was. We took all the pants in my closet out and I started trying them on. The sizes ranged from 10-16. And that is clearly the size I wear...10-16!! I have two pairs of pants that are 10s...both from Old Navy. One fits very nicely, the other I can't even get all the way up my legs...now you go figure that one out they are the same brand! Shorts that I bought at walmart that are a size 13 don't even remotely fit, and the other pair of shorts from Walmart that are a size 13 fit way looser than they did the summer I bought them. All my size 16s that I expected to be really big on me, not so much. They fit fine, just much looser through the butt and legs. So I know that I am losing weight which is really nice. But seriously anywhere between a 10-16? Could the range at least narrow itself a little!

All in all, I found like 5 new pairs of pants that I can use at school. Today I wore a pair and many people told me how skinny I looked in them. They are a size 13 and I haven't been able to wear them for at least 3 years. I also found a pair of capris that I know I haven't been able to wear for at least 2 years and they are a size 11/12. They fit the best out of anything I tried on and I was very excited because they were one of my favorite pairs of capris. It was rather fun going through my closet and seeing what clothes I had that haven't been worn forever because I grew out of them...no need for me to go spend money...there were new clothes hanging right there!!

A Way Overdue Blog for Jen!!!!

2008-04-07T21:58:00.000-07:00

Alright...I have been owing Jen these pictures for um I can't remember how long. So Chrissy came over this weekend and I finally got a picture of my in my dress. Excuse the look on my face...I think that I was nervous that I would get it dirty or get sweat on it or something. So I was looking a little mortified to have it on. You will all notice that at the top it gapes a bit at the sides...my boobs are disappearing as I lose weight, but that's just wonderful in my world!!!

I think I am now back in the good graces of Jen haha! I don't really remember if there were more pictures I was supposed to post for her, but if so she will probably tell me in a comment :)

Hell Hath Froze

2008-03-30T18:35:00.000-07:00

I'm not even sure how to begin such a blog...most of you are going to go NO WAY HE DID NOT!!!! But he did ladies...he really did.

Dave went to the store and bought me tampons!!!

We needed a few things for dinner and he was the one to go to the store. I said you wouldn't pick me up tampons would you? Of course he looked at me like I was a completely retarded creature and said "uh no". Ok didn't think so but I thought it was worth a shot. I went in to pee. He came in and said "honey I don't like to buy toilet paper for gosh sakes...what makes you think I would buy tampons?" (He also won't buy his own underwear don't ask me why) I responded that I just didn't think it was a big deal, but not to worry about it. Just forget it I'll get them tomorrow. He stared at me with those eyes like he really wanted to be nice and get them for me, but he couldn't sacrafice his manliness to do so.

He came home and I was in the midst of cooking what I could with what was here. He unloaded the bags and just kept handing me the things I was asking for. I never turned around and he didn't say a word. When I was all finished I turned around to see this lovely blue box sitting on the counter. I said "WOW HONEY YOU ACTUALLY GOT THEM!" His reply: Don't ever say I don't do anything for you again...especially not for a long time! Then he waited for the approval...did he get the right ones?

I polietly smiled and said they were right and he instantly knew I was lying! He said I grabbed the pink ones I thought you had the pink ones. I tried to explain to him that yes I used to use the pink tampax tampons when I had really light periods (when I was on birth control), but ever since I stopped I had gone back to the regular yellow ones. I said that now that I was back on birth control that these ones would be just fine because hopefully my periods would be lighter.
Was I to break his heart and tell him they were the wrong ones and that I really wanted the other ones so I wasn't in the bathroom every hour changing them for fear of bleeding to death?

HELL NO HE WON'T EVER BUY THEM AGAIN IF I SAID THAT!

It was very nice of him to get them for me and I really appreciated it. I asked him if it was really that bad and he said yes...I walked around the store forever! Good call...prolong the trip by carrying the box around the store with you forever while you get up the courage to just buy the damn things!

Either way beware...hell may have froze today with this purchase!

Wyoming

2008-03-17T22:24:00.000-07:00

I have been slacking on blogging I know...bad blogger! I'm doing my best to catch you all up a little tonight.

Wyoming was wonderful. I would probably live there in a heartbeat. It was the first time that we were on vacation that I didn't wonder about my school, or my friends here. I just enjoyed my time and actually felt sad when we left to come home. Everyone up there made me feel right at home and it was wonderful to meet them all.

We stayed with Gabe and Bri...they have a daughter, Lexi, and then Bri's daughter, Kelsey. They are such adorable girls! They call call Dave "Cracker" because he was the only white guy they hung out with...they are all mexican (although you can't really tell because they are pretty white mexicans!). Lexi only calls him cracker too so I had to laugh everytime she would go Kra-ker to call his name. The day we went to Fort Collins, Kelsey decided that I should be cheese because Crackers and Cheese go together. There you go, I left with a new nickname too!

Saturday night was a ton of fun. They had a party for us and then we all went out. Gabe had been telling me that I couldn't hang drinking with the big boys and that the elevation would kill me if I tried (it's like 7100 ft up there!). Well I don't back down to a challenge...just kidding but I did pace myself and show them that I could hang with the big boys. I think we ended up going to bed around 7am that next morning...a very good time had by all I must say. I was able to meet all the friends this night and our best man Bubba...ok his name is Brian, but I rarely hear him called that! It's always Bubba. Let me tell you...I am thrilled to know that Gabe and Bubba are in our wedding. It makes me feel better knowing how much the love Dave and how good of friends they are. They got along great with me and I really like them. It's probably why I felt so at home with them up there!

Then we went to Fort Collins on Monday because there were a few restaurants that Dave wanted to eat at. We did a little shopping and just looked around town. Then it was back home to hang out with more friends again. We went to see Bubba and his wife...they are expecting their first child and she is due like anytime. She is actually trying to hold the baby in...now it's ok to deliver but she has been in labor for 2 months! It was nice to sit and visit with them too.

I have tons of pictures and I would love to put them up but I so hate loading pictures on here...but ok I love pictures too much and must share just a few. Most of you that read here are on my myspace and there are tons of pictures on there!

Gabe and Bri

"Cheese" Lexi and "Cracker"

The boys: Dave, Gabe, Greg and Bubba

Jolene, Gabe and Me...breakfast at 3am after many drinks...yes I thought W.S.Y.A.M (Would Shannon Yell at Me) but then I thought yes she would but she would also be very proud of the 50 billion other important changes I made on this trip and she would let this one slide!

Bubba had to cheers the engaged couple and tell us how much he loved us and how happy he was for us and all that other drunk mushy gushy stuff!

Dress up on Sunday: I forgot to tell you about this while the boys were sleeping off their hangovers, we girls played dress up! Could Lexi seriously get any cuter with her boa? I think not!

I also forgot to tell you we went ice skating on Tuesday. It was lots of fun and we pretty much had the rink to ourselves.

Cheers at the Library: Seriously it's a bar called the Library and they sell shirts that say don't lie to your mom, tell her your at the Library!

Gabe, Bubba and Dave...the boys in our wedding!

Chapter 15: My World Unravels

2008-03-17T22:01:00.000-07:00

July 26, 2004 was quite possibly one of the worst days of my life. It was the day my mom died. I've told the story before on the 3 year anniversary of her death. No need for more tears today...I said my mom died you get that it was a sad day...nuff said!

As soon as I watched her take her last breath, and watched my dad break into tears into the arms of his friend, I was out of there. That scene was just a bit too much for me to handle at the moment. My sister literally ran in the door as I came around the corner...missing my mom by less than 5 minutes. The most heart wrenching site was my nephew carrying a huge poster board that said we love you Grammy on it...wait didn't I say no tears...OK then moving on!

There was only one person that I wanted to call. Dave. He was in Arizona and wouldn't be back until my birthday, 5 days later. We had made a deal when I dropped him off at the airport...I would only call him if something really bad happened, as in her death, and he swore he would actually answer. You see in the days before her death, he and I had lengthy conversations on the phone. He tried to do his best to comfort me but really he didn't know what to say. So we agreed that I would only call if she died and he would answer because he knew that I would need him. We both held true to our deal and his little brother actually answered the phone. I remember Robert saying, it's a girl and she's crying and Dave said he immediately knew who it was and what had happened. I don't really remember what we said on the phone...I cried and I don't think he really said much. I told him that I would still pick him up at the airport that Sunday because at that point, that was the only thing that seemed normal to me. It was the only way I could see out of this hell that I was suddenly in. If I picked him up at the airport like planned, everything would be better and everything would go on. That was where I had to start from...or in some warped way that's what I thought.

After I talked to him, I called the shop where he works. Steve's dad owned the shop and I let him know what had happened. He was great and very caring. The next thing I knew I was on my way to pick out the plot at the cemetery for my mom's burial. Next stop, the funeral home to buy a casket and plan her funeral. All I could think of was my friends and how they were the only thing that seemed normal at the moment for me...the only things that were going to bring me out of this hell.

And for the most part they were. I talked to all my friends. Teela worked 4 tens so she could have Friday off and attend the funeral. Remember how I only met her a month before. Monica, Eric and her all came together. Shasta and Julie, my two childhood friends, were both at my house within the next few days so we could sit in my bathroom and talk. This was the room that had helped us through lost pets, broken hearts from our boyfriends, and many other traumatic things in our lives. Don't ask, my bathroom was just a good room for these things. I will never forget the moment Aaron walked into my house and wrapped me up in a big hug that made everything disappear for a moment. Some of these were friends that I saw everyday and some of these were friends that I had known all my life but were there for me when I needed them most. Do you notice anyone missing from this list...that's right Steve.

You see as if our friendship hadn't unraveled enough right after graduation, this was the sealing moment that showed me what kind of a friend he was. You see, Steve never called me at all. He was up at a football camp in Quincy California and clearly he was busy. Now some of you might say that he didn't call because he just didn't know what to say. While there is a chance that is true, it's not something that I believe because I know how he is. Plus I heard the excuses...oh my cell phone didn't work. Call collect if you have to...not an OK excuse try again. There weren't any other phones to call from. What am I an idiot? Not to mention that he called his 18 year old girlfriend every freaking day...keep the lies coming! No matter the reason, I was hurt. Crushed that the one person that I was the closest to at that point in my life, or so I thought, had completely let me down. He ended up calling on my birthday to wish me a happy birthday and then he had the audacity to act like it was just another day...I do remember him briefly asking me how I was doing and stuff but not like a good friend would do. His mom even called me the night my mom died to let me know that she had called the school and left a message with the coach for Steve...Steve's family sent flowers and the shop where Dave and Steve worked sent flowers. But not a call from Steve.

I still struggle with this today. I have a hard time knowing that Steve is in our wedding, but wasn't always the best friend like I thought he was. I can forgive (although I'm not positive that I have completely) but I won't forget. And it makes me wonder...when he stands up for us, is he truly happy for us or is he just there because Dave asked him and it makes him feel important to be in a wedding? This is something that I will probably have to address with him before I walk down that aisle because otherwise I may regret having him in our wedding. I know that Steve is the reason Dave and I met...had it not been for our friendship, I might never have met Dave. And I know that Steve and Dave were close like brothers and that together with the fact that Dave feels Steve is responsible for our meeting is the reason he is in our wedding. But for me, I have a hard time knowing that the person that I was inseperable from, the person that I did everything with 24/7 wasn't there for me when I needed him the most.

Definition of a mom

2008-03-17T19:20:00.000-07:00

I find it very ironic that Shannon posted a blog today about when you really know your a mom. Because here I am posting this very blog about wondering what should be the definition of a mom. You know how kids that come from single moms and they say they have a father, the man that provided the sperm to give them life, and then they have a dad...the man that actually fulfilled the role and helped take care of them and raise them. See I can't say that I've ever thought this about a mom because I can't really think of an instance up until yesterday.

**Be forwarned this blog is going to be very mean**

Dave and I haven't talked to his mom for about 3 weeks. I find this odd, especially since we went on a week long trip. You see she always calls on trips to see if we made it to where we were going
and then she always calls to see if we made it home. Well she didn't do that this time and I thought it to be a little odd, but actually enjoyed not having 15 phone calls a day to see what we were doing. I asked Dave if he had talked to her and he said no. A few days passed and still no word from her. I find this very odd so I tell him I am going to call her.

I call her cell phone and I get no answer. I decide that I should text message his sister to see if his mom is at work. She informs me that she is sitting on the couch and she doesnt' know why she didn't answer her cell phone. OK WTF folks? Clearly the woman always wants to know what we are doing and now she won't answer the damn phone...something is going on! I ask Kayla if his mom is mad at us for some reason, I really can't see why one wouldn't answer the phone that is sitting right next to her. She says no, she doesn't know anything. When Dave told her that we were going to Wyoming for spring break she seemed a little surprised and a little bummed out. He said she didn't seem mad, but you could tell she was like oh, you're not coming here? So I thought maybe she actually was annoyed but whatever. Wyoming was way more fun! I decide that I will chance calling the house and hope that her husband doesn't answer. He just likes to ramble forever and not pass off the phone to the person you actually called.

She answers and I immediately say geez we haven't talked to you in forever. "Oh I know I was just thinking that I hadn't talked to you kids in a while" Yes but you did not pick up the phone and probably only thought that in your self absorbed state when you saw our number on caller id! Anywhoo...we make some small chit chat and she asks about the trip and how the boys were all doing. Then she starts telling me about her going out the night before and how she was still hungover. Hmm...and how her daughter had to take her to her jeep in the morning because she had to leave it wherever they were partying at. Ok...I'm sure the family is still in town...oh no they aren't you say. Ok then what the hell is she doing out on the town so drunk she has to leave her jeep somewhere? Well let me just tell you!

It appears that this lovely "mother" has been going out pretty much every weekend with her "friends". I laugh at this because it was always about her and Darrell, her husband. She always complained how they never went out with friends and how it was always them. He is kind of a homebody, and in her defense (don't expect much more of these) she is a more social person. She enjoys going out and doing things rather than sitting at home sleeping in a chair. Well apparently 3 weeks ago, right before the last time we talked to her, she went out and didn't get home till 8am! Again...who goes out like that when they are her age? She has been doing this pretty much every weekend. I tried to prod around if Darrell had been going with her, and I got a blunt NO. She could care less if what he does and where he is. Dave hears this and suddenly I can see him getting very annoyed and upset on the couch. Why? Because he knows what's coming next and I don't!

She proceeds to tell me that when she goes to New Port Oregon in August (meaning she can't come to any bachelorette parties, or bridal showers because I was informed she had more important things to do...yes those were her words) that he probably wasn't going with her because he would probably be in iraq by then. WAIT WHAT THE HELL DID SHE JUST SAY?? So he is taking a job in Iraq for a year and she could really care less...she doesn't care what he does! WOW WHAT A BOMBSHELL! And we knew nothing about this. Apparently he also put in for a job in Cheyenne Wyoming but she won't be going with him she said. It was a bit awkward because I didn't know what to say, but I could see Dave getting more and more mad. I decided to hang up with her because it was very awkward and then I wrote Kayla. We got on the computer and she filled me in even more!

The night that she went out till 8am, there was some guy that she was talking to. Do you all see where I'm going with this? YEP RIGHT DOWN HER PAST PATH OF SCREWING OVER HUSBANDS!!!! I guess she has been calling him and he won't answer and then he never calls her so at least maybe he isn't as much of a whore as she is! This is what she always does...instead of just owning up to Darrell that she isn't happy and she wants out, she decides to find someone else first and then Darrell gets to be the last to know! The morning that she came home at 8am, he told her to give him 2-3 months and he would be gone. AND HOW DID WE NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS!

Do I feel bad for her because she is unhappy? Yes I do...I don't think anyone should stay in a marriage that they are "miserable" in. Do I think that she goes about it in a way that is appropriate? OH HELL NO!! She is quite possibly the poster child for HOW NOT TO ACT IN A MARRIAGE! I have no respect for her because she constantly runs around on her husbands. I have to wonder if she does it the whole marriage or if she does it just at the very end when she is unhappy. I don't know...either way I saw a whole other side to Dave last night.

He was honestly disgusted by her. He was yelling because he wanted to know why he didn't have a normal mom? Why was she so trashy (yes his words) and how he couldn't stand that she did this always. When was she going to grow up and act like an adult and a plethera of other things! Now when I said these things before I am the big bitch...I get it though. It's like you are the only one that can talk crap about your family...if anyone else says the same thing they are rude. Ok but seriously what the hell is wrong with this woman!

That brings me back to my point of this blog (other than to vent this all out). How does she even call herself a mom? She has never been a great mom to her kids. I won't say she is horrible (although by my standards she is), but she isn't like super mom by any means. Her two boys that are in high school are living in Texas with their dad. Kids don't get taken away from their moms...they have to really screw up. She just let them go there because that was a more stable environment for them and that way she got a cut of the money. She didn't come for Dave's graduation...she never comes to see us. She only has been here once in the 4 years and that wasn't to just see us, that was to come to that wedding last summer. So why then would she assume that we would go there for spring break? She never goes to see the boys in Texas and only sees them in the summer and now she won't even do that because after last summer they refused to go down there. She doesn't pay child support for either of them. She isn't happy about our wedding and she isn't supportive of anything any of her kids do. So how does she call herself a mom? To me the only thing defining her as a mom right now is the fact that she gave birth to 4 kids!!!

To me a mom is someone that is there for you, wipes your tears, makes you laugh, is supportive of your decisions and is happy for you over the smallest things. That's what my mom did...that's the kinds of moms I see Shannon, Jen, Julia, and Shawna being. Moms that would do anything for their kids and would never send them to live with their dads so that they could get some of the 401K money. What makes me most sad is that now Dave doesn't really want her at our wedding. I know that is probably being said out of anger, but it makes me sad. I would give ANYTHING for my mom to be able to be here even if just for that one day. And here is his mom who has the chance to be a part of his very special day and she if fucking it up left and right! I wish they could switch places just for that day so my mom could be a part of it and Dave's mom could continue being her selfish self and not ruin our day. I have a hard time agreeing with him because as much as I do agree and think that it would be nicer for her not to be there, it would break my heart for him because I know what it's like to not have your mom there. At times I think he takes it for granted, but why wouldn't he...he has no idea what a "real mom" is like! I know later in life he might regret her not being there, but then I think maybe she is such a train wreck that he really truly doesn't care...and I can't imagine not having my mom be a part of my day because she was everything to me. I would never not want her there. But then all I know was a stable childhood with parents that loved me unconditionally. He knows nothing of that from his mom...his dad yes, his mom no.

Another thing that irritates me is how hard I had to work to prove to him that I wasn't like his mom...to make him forget all the bad things of marriage that he knows. The hurt, the lies, the cheating all of that. I made him forget, or at least I made him put it so far in the back of his mind that everything else blocks it out. I would like to call her and thank her for throwing that all right into his face and saying wait see marriage really is shit I can prove it and doing so 6 months before his damn wedding! Ugh she is such a selfish bitch!!!!!

Something Old...Something Borrowed

2008-03-01T19:16:00.001-08:00

In your wedding you are supposed to have something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue. Well fortunately for me, I already have two of those out of the way and they will probably mean the most to me in my wedding.

I've said before that Shannon and I are cousins. Technically, we are second cousins but I have never thought of her like a distant cousin because we are the same age so to me she was always just my cousin. Her mom is my cousin and my mom's neice.

My parents were married 42 years ago this September. When they got married, Anna (Shannon's mom) was their flower girl. Anna is also my godmother.

You must understand this about Anna...she is a pack rat. And not in a bad way either! She holds on to everything that has any kind of meaning to her. I think it must be a family trait that we all have because I too hold on to things. However, you can imagine my surprise when Shannon wrote me to tell me that Anna had hung on to the basket that she had carried at my mom's wedding 42 years ago.

Anna said that if I wanted, I could use the basket at my wedding because she knew it would mean a lot to me to have something from my mom. She has no idea exactly what that is going to mean to me. I know that for her to give me the basket was really hard because it was something that she had from her aunt and it meant something to her. But I am more than greatful that she is willing to share that piece with me and allow me to have something extra special be apart of my wedding.

Here are some pictures of the basket:

When Shannon emailed me the pictures I actually thought that it was a really big basket. As you can tell especially from this last picture, it's really really little. To give you an idea, it fits inside one of Dave's hats. Shannon had told Anna that I was going to paint it brown and she said she was ok with it. She agreed that it needed some paint (although she would have painted it white I to keep it the same I believe) but that it was something from my mom's wedding so it's ok that it looks older. When I went down to get the basket from her, I was shocked at how little it was. I told her again that I was going to paint it and you could see in her face that she really didn't want me to paint it, but she said it was ok. I just couldn't leave it not painted...it needed something you can see that 42 years has taken it's tole on it. I told Anna how much it meant to me although words really can't describe what it does mean to me.

I took it home with me the last time that we went to Winnemucca to show my sister because you can't see it that great in the pictures of my parents wedding where Anna is holding it. The more I thought about it and the more I talked about painting it, the less I wanted to do it. I got to thinking that if I painted it brown, that was somehow going to take away from what it was. My mom's was white, not brown and if I wanted it to be from my mom, it needed to stay as it was. I toyed with the idea and thought oh geez it's February, I have plenty of time. Well Allie, my niece who is going to be my flower girl, and I went to Wal-Mart. We decided to go look at some of the ribbon so we could make our basket pretty and we found the chocolate brown ribbon and two bows that were perfect for the sides. Her and I decided that we didn't want to paint it because we liked it just the way it was at Grammy's wedding. I know that this will make Anna very happy because it isn't being painted brown **

We brought it home and I made Dave start thinking of some ideas. He's pretty crafty like that and we decided that we would braid the ribbon around the handle and then wrap it around the little sides to add some color from our wedding, but keep the oldness of my mom's wedding. Here is how it turned out...

I think it turned out pretty good. Dave had the idea to braid the ribbon all the way from the bottom up the handle and then we decided to add the ribbon around the sides for a little more color. I know the bows are a little big for it but it's supposed to be a foofy flower girl basket so that's ok...they make it all nice and feminine. And I couldn't wait to see what it looked like with petals in it so I went and bought them tonight ( we are just using some silk ones) and they are so cute in there! It holds way more than what I thought!

Needless to say I am thrilled to have something old and something borrowed for me wedding that will mean a lot to me. THANKS SO VERY VERY MUCH ANNA!!!!

**I added these because as I was writing this post it occured to me that I could have painted it white so that it was the same color but at least all painted. After I decided I didnt' want to paint it brown, I forgot about painting it all together. Oh well where the paint is chipped off there are flowers to fill that area and you know what I like it just the way that 42 years made it...

Marriage Counseling

2008-03-01T19:08:00.000-08:00

Shawna asked if we went to that counseling session just because or if it was for religious purposes...and Shawna you can ask me anything...you were in no way being nosey :)

We had to go because we are getting married at Our Lady of Snows Catholic Church. Apparently, this is the only church in Reno that has couples take this FOCUS inventory. The lady explained that about 8 years ago there was a different priest there that was noticing that people that were getting married in the church were coming in like 2 years later to get annulments because they didn't know that their new spouse did this or that. He said that just because it was a sacramental marriage it wasn't changing how they went about divorces. So he researched and found this FOCUS inventory thing and had couples do it. I guess that when he left, he asked the Bishop if he would continue to do this inventory in the church. So that's how we came to do it.

I had to agree with Shawna because it did give you a change to talk about many things that either you might not have thought of yet or might not wanted to have talked about it. It goes over things like finances and how to combine two people's debts and monies. It goes over communication and how we talk about our feelings with each other. It went over our sexuality and discusses what we want out of our marriage sexually (which I found to be odd). I basically covers all the main things that can lead to divorces and annulments. So it was neat to see all the different things and until she told me on the phone that we scored the 58, I wasn't apprehensive about meeting with her. I was actually a little excited because I thought it would be interesting to see Dave talk about his feelings and things in front of someone else where he had to provide an answer.

I also chose this church because a teacher at our school got married there the weekend we got engaged. She isn't religious at all and she felt very comfortable with this priest. So really I chose the priest and the church came with him. I'm not a super religious person although I was raised in a Catholic home. I had always wanted to get married outside but with an October wedding, you can never tell what the weather is going to be like in Nevada at that time. I didn't want that added stress and so the church was the only other place I was willing to get married. Dave isn't Catholic and since Kristen, the teacher at my school, had such a good experience there I thought that it would make for a good experience for Dave. And he really likes the priest so I'm glad I went with that choice.

A year ago

2008-02-26T18:29:00.000-08:00

Steph wrote a blog and asked what we were all writing about a year ago. I couldn't even remember if I had a blog a year ago so I went to investigate. I find I did have a blog and then I was reminded of my this year is so much nicer than last year at this time!

I DON'T HAVE A STUDENT TEACHER ANYMORE!!!!!!!

Yes most of my blogs were about how I wanted to dangle my student teacher from her tiny toes and then possibly leave her there for a day or two. The blogs that weren't about her were about my kids in some way because I was still very new to blogging...I started blogging at the end of January of 2007. My other blogs were about our new dog, the grocery store and how it was my enemy (hmm that has changed some too now that I am eating better), how Valentine's Day will probably never be the same for me, and about the struggles that Dave and I were having because of our friends that were causing problems in our relationship. The one that I found the most interesting was the one about Alone Time.

We just went to our counciling session for our marriage this week. I haven't blogged about this yet because I haven't really had the time to get into it, but I will give you the short version. We had to take this focus inventory to basically bring out all the topics that they want to make sure that couples that are going to get married go over. Communication, finances, family of origin, parenting and stuff like that. There's a bunch of things. Well we take it and then we have to meet with a marriage counselor. No biggie until we get our results and we score like a 58. Well in a teacher's world that is failing! Then she says in this very caddy voice...well most people score in the 80s. So now I'm all stressed about this test. Anyway we go and meet and all it was was that Dave put unsure on a lot of things and there were a few he just read wrong because he needs detail and the questions were very vague and broad. So she said we probably would have scored in the 90s...making me feel much better.

Back to the point of this. One of the questions had to do with us agreeing on the need for alone time. He of course put disagree and I knew he would. As we talked with the lady I told her that in the last year I think he and I have really grown together as a couple. There have been things that we have really worked on together and we have changed for the better. For example, one of my questions was about sharing our feelings...I must beat the dead horse until I am done talking about it and he must have a few hours to process and then he can come back and talk to me about it. Alone time was another example. If you read the post about the alone time, I had no need for it. I didn't understand it and I always took his need for alone time about wanting to be away from me...that somehow it was connected to me. Over the last year I have learned that it has very little to do with me and everything to do with him just wanting some time to himself. He told her how I always said going to work was my alone time (obviously because I viewed alone time as time apart from each other) and that was true in that post a year ago. Now I understand that sometimes it's just nice to have alone time so I can blog without feeling like I am missing out on time with him. Or I can have alone time and read a book without being interrupted.

I was very nervous about this meeting this weekend and in the end I realized how much we had grown together as a couple for the better. And thanks to Steph for making me go back and check out my posts. Finding that alone time post really proved everything that I realized this weekend!
PS: Patty I promise to write more on my story tonight or tomorrow!
PSS: Jen I promise to have wedding dress pictures up hopefully this weekend...I need help getting into the damn thing and Dave can't help me!

Book Meme

2008-02-22T06:59:00.001-08:00

No my darling Patty it wasn't from all the wedding planning that I have been doing that has prevented me from blogging. I would have to say it is a little bit of laziness mixed in with a little bit of oh shit I forgot about the book meme haha!!

So I was tagged by Patty and Jen for this so I will do 2!! There is another meme that I am stealing from Jen's page that I want to but I don't know if I will have time to do that one this morning. So without further ado, the book meme...

Here are the Rules:
1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people & post a comment here once you post it to your blog, so I can come see.

This is the book that I bought a while ago with the intentions of reading very quickly, however, school started and then I forgot about my book :( I read way more in the summer time. My book is Janet Evanovich's Motor Mouth.
"I'm going to follow her, see where she goes. Hooker handed me the keys to the SUV. In a small, dark corner of my brain there's a fear that once you're out of my sight you're going to get on a plane and go home without me, he said."

Wow I get the sentence about Hooker! Hooker is her bounty hunting buddy! These books are really good if you have ever read anything in her series. Most of them are about this girl that is a bumbling bounty hunter and somehow manages to pull off her job even though her life is an absolute disaster.

And for book numero dos - This book is my wedding planning book The Everything Wedding Organizer! Here is about the only reading I have done since school started (not including children's books of course)
"When it's time for you to make that long trek down the aisle, you can walk to the same piece as the bridesmaids, or to a piece chosen especially for you. Sometimes the bride will walk to the same song as the bridesmaids, but played at a different tempo"

So in case any of you were wondering about wedding music choice this is the book for you :)

The truth

2008-02-17T21:24:00.000-08:00

Ok it's been forever since my last post...oh so sorry! However I have been sick!! I lost my voice somewhere around Tuesday/Wednesday and then went around bragging about how I didn't feel bad I had just lost my voice. God apparently thought that was rude of me so he went ahead and made me feel bad somewhere around Friday. This was the point where my head filled like a balloon and I was sure the best thing was for it to pop off the top of my head! None the less I am feeling better today...not great but it will have to do!

Here are the truths and yes Lisa got both of them right! Many of you got one of them right because I think I have talked often about it!

1. I like to skinny dip and do so every chance I get. BIG FAT LIE!! Hello I belong to the Tuesday Tummy Tuck...there is no way in hell my naked self is going swimming anywhere (not even back in the skinnier days would you have found me doing this!)

2. I enjoy drinking wine. LIE However I am seriously trying to develop a taste for the stuff so if anyone has good flavors or types of wine feel free to let me know (Jen I believe you would be a conosiour here :) Is it odd that I would like to develop a taste for wine?? Hmm...

3. I can function in organized chaos. GUILTY!! TRUE TRUE TRUE Let me give you an example of my organized chaos. You see my desk at school is always full of papers, books and pretty much everything else I drop on it. Come into my room and ask me to find anything on that desk. I will promptly go and lift up this stack of stuff and shift the other stack off to the side and pick up whatever you asked me. Now, if I clean off my desk and put everything away, I will spend a half hour trying to find that same thing you just asked me for. So while it looks like chaos it is very organized to me!

4. I have a book full of poems I have written. LIE! I am SOOO not good at writing poetry. If I can't get it to rhyme I am no good at the stuff...it has to rhyme (has to do with that whole symmetrical thing...then it's lyrically symmetrical...yeah I'm that odd!)

5. I met President Bill Clinton when I was in Washington D.C. LIE Been to Washington D.C. and been inside the White House for a tour while he was in office, but never met the guy.

6. I am extremely patterned based and everything must be symmetrical. DUH!! This is the truth that you all got right. Anything that has a pattern or a pattern can be made to it, I am good at...Guitar Hero perfect example. I can be playing and all of a sudden I don't even know how I just hit all these notes because I kind of spaced out...but my fingers had the pattern down and did it on their own. And hello me very symmetrical...and it's not always symmetrical like you think...symmetrical in my mind is sometimes different. I have pictures on my walls and they are in threes...top one is vertical, next one down is horizontal, next one down is vertical (again back to the pattern stuff!)

7. I have been to Hawaii LIE But maybe for our honeymoon????

8. I don't like to talk on the phone. BIGGEST LIE ON THE LIST ACCORDING TO DAVE! He says I have it glued to my ear permenantly!

6 lies, 2 truths

2008-02-09T08:27:00.001-08:00

Ok so I am stealing this from Shawna because I think that it is a way fun game! If you want to do it you have to write down 8 statements, 6 of them being lies and 2 of them being true. Make sure your lies are good so that you can try to throw people off!

1. I like to skinny dip and do so every chance I get.

2. I enjoy drinking wine.

3. I can function in organized chaos.

4. I have a book full of poems I have written.

5. I met President Bill Clinton when I was in Washington D.C.

6. I am extremely patterned based and everything must be symmetrical.

7. I have been to Hawaii

8. I don't like to talk on the phone.

Alright girls, see what you can come up with...I thought this would be really easy but I must have over thought it because it took forever and I don't know that these are very good ones.

And Jen I will try to take some pictures today in my dress for you!!

Chapter 14: Sworn to Secrecy

2008-02-01T17:09:00.000-08:00

I knew immediately that I had to make her swear not to say a word. For some reason at this time, I still wasn't ok with our friends knowing. They are so judgemental and I just didn't want to hear all the shit we were going to get for hooking up and actually liking each other. It is much easier to spill your guts to a complete stranger than it is to your bestest friends isn't it? Yes I think so too.

I made an immediate date with Teela for lunch and stressed over and over that she could NOT tell anyone in this group of friends that she knew anything about me and Dave hooking up or that I liked him. She had to let on that she knew NOTHING! Being the great friend that she is, she immediately assured me that she wouldn't say anything, but that she thought it was silly for us not to tell our friends. Yes Yes I know this. Now while it's easy to spill your guts to a total stranger, it's not so easy to give them your trust and assurance that she really wouldn't say anything.

Things were immediately complicated again when Teela and Eric started dating! There was no way she would keep this from her boyfriend...I knew I was tanked at this point. But I was wrong. Teela kept her end of the bargain and lied for me weekly. She NEVER told any of our friends, including Eric about Dave and I. She only said she knew anything after we had told every last friend that we were together. Eric was a little peeved but she said look I swore to her and it was important. She's a girl you could trust with your life here folks! It might have been a small secret to her, but it was the plans to nuclear warfare to me!

It made me feel so much better knowing I was able to have someone to vent to and get an opinion from when I wanted to kick Dave in the balls for being a jackass. We emailed daily and she helped me through so much. I was able to get another take on it and know that I wasn't losing my mind because she too saw how Dave was around me and how he changed when the boys started to say stuff. That made me feel better to know someone else saw it. And it was just her being nice, because there were times that you will hear about that she told me to just get over him. Her and I had numerous inside jokes so we could communicate to each other if everyone was around. My birthday present that she gave me was like she had known me forever. The card was priceless and I still have it to this day. It was chuck full of our inside jokes and made my birthday a little better (my mom died 5 days before my birthday)

And Teela, the person I had only met one month earlier, was the person who worked 4 shifts of 10s so she could have the Friday off to come to my mom's funeral. A much better friend than Steve don't you think...oh wait you don't know...that's another chapter to come! :)

Chapter 13: Lisa's Wedding

2008-02-01T16:59:00.000-08:00

Now is the time when things start to get a little more interesting in the old story. My childhood friend Lisa was getting married. She had asked me to be in the wedding and I of course said yes. We hadn't ever really lost touch, but we were much closer when we were younger. Then in high school we just had different friends so we didn't talk much, but it's not like anything bad happened between us. So at first when she called I was flattered and then I thought, wait why did she pick me we haven't talked in years? Since the wedding, we have rekindled the old friendship and chat much more often!

Anyway back to where I was going...Teela was a girl that was also in the wedding. She lived with Lisa at the time and they were both going to school to be accountants. If you have read before, Teela is now in my wedding.

Lisa's wedding was up in Winnemucca. Well Teela had never been up there and of course it was going home to me. Well I thought I would be the nice host after the rehersal dinner and thought we would hang out and I would show her a good time at the bar. Lisa was worried that I was going to keep her out too late and said Teela couldn't stay the night with me...what the Hell? Apparently I had a reputation of being a partier? I think not! We ended up having a great time and one of the groomsman kept giving me the eye! Well I had a few cocktails and started flirting back. Then I found out he was married and high tailed my shit right back to Teela!

We were getting to know each other that night so I thought that we could share some stories because clearly we would not be hanging out besides the wedding and she was a safe person because she didnt' know my friends. So I poured my guts about this guy I liked to her and Lisa. It felt great to get it all off my chest. The wedding came and was beautiful. Teela and I danced the night away and had fun because we were the only single people at the wedding and the invite list was on average over 50 years old! So we pretty much stuck together. I learned she was recently out of a relationship and I continued to pour my guts out to this girl. The next day we went to the little brunch with the wedding party. Teela was talking about her birthday later on in the week and how all of her friends from Vegas were home because it was summer and school was out. I said well we could get together and just have a drink.

We made plans to go out for her birthday and have a few cocktails. We had so much fun that night that we decided to go out and have a drink with my friend Eric the next night. Yep that would be the Eric and Teela that you have all heard me talk about. Eric and Teela hit it off and she became an instant part of our group! While I am very excited that she did become a part of our group and we did become great friends, the whole time I was only thinking one thing...

I just spilled my guts to this girl and now she is going to be around all these people that I have been talking about...she doesn't know that my friends don't know! What the hell am I going to do to get her to keep her mouth shut?!?!

Chapter 12: The Real Graduation

2008-01-31T13:00:00.000-08:00

After I had my first graduation in Winnemucca, it was time for the real graduation.

I'm skipping a few months up to May, but really you aren't missing anything. Same stuff was going on. We were hooking up, hiding it from our friends and my mom was getting sicker. Now you are all caught up.

I finished my student teaching and my friend Callie was coming into town for 5 days. I was so ready for graduation so ready to just be done with school. I hadn't seen Callie in a few years and I was looking forward to spending a lot of time with her. We decided that we were going to have quite the celebration that night when she got into town. She flew in around 10pm that night and we went and met my friend Aaron. Shannon will appreciate the Aaron part of this story! We met up with him and Callie wasn't the tomboy he remembered. She was way thin and smoking hot! Of course they ended up hooking up and coming back to my house. I had always adored Aaron but I already had my fun with him in college and my heart was set on Dave. That started the 5 days of our partying session and the 5 days of Dave being at my house non stop.

Dave and Eric stayed at my house for 5 days. We had so much fun. The four of us kept going out every night and we all went to graduation. Notice anyone missing? Yeah Steve. Turns out his skank of a sister was more right than she was wrong. Steve suddenly didn't need me because school was over. Our phone calls went from everyday all day to maybe once a week. I hadn't seen him forever and this was the decline of our friendship. However, without him in the picture, I was able to focus all my time on Dave. Dave and Eric and I became suddenly closer. Without Steve in the picture, I could see these two boys for what they were and it gave us a chance to actually become better friends when Steve wasn't around.

The days we spent around my graduation helped me to get over the fact that my mom wasn't at the ceremony. Again I was glad I had done the one in Winnemucca, because although she was alive, she couldn't have sat through that long ceremony. All of my family was there and I know she was thinking of me all day. I know it broke her heart to not be there, but she still did get to see me graduate in some way.

Dave and I started to get really close during this time. It was also around this time that I was going to be in my friend Lisa's wedding. Here I would meet a new friend that would become a part of our group and suddenly she would be the only friend that knew about me and Dave.

Chapter 11: Time for graduation

2008-01-28T09:07:00.002-08:00

As I said before, I was now in my student teaching semester. It was also at this time (please keep in mind I am student teaching, finishing college, looking for a real job, breaking up with my boyfriend of 4 years) that my mom started to take her turn for the worst. It was around March that I got the call saying that I needed to come home now and that she might not even make it for me to get there. I'm on the way taking my students to lunch when I get the call. Of course my lead teacher was wonderful...I couldn't have asked for a better one at this point in my life. I left to go home and of course who helped me...Dave.

I called him of all people and he left work and met me at my house. He packed my entire bag while I sat on the bed crying. I mean he got everything ready for me. He packed me CDs to listen to so that I didn't have to deal with the woman that was going to drive me to winnemucca. I like her and all but she is one that says things that you just don't want to hear at that moment. He packed clothes that actually matched, he packed all my bathroom stuff that I would need. Then he drove me to her house. He said that if she started talking and I didn't want to listen to just put in the CDs that he packed for me and they would make the trip fly by. When he dropped me off at Cheryl's house, he gave me a big hug and told me to call him if I needed anything. Sure didn't sound like the same guy that was busy trying to impress his friends before now does it?

Fast forwarding a bit here, because my mom was so sick, there was no way she could make it to my graduation in May. She had always told me that she would live to see me graduate from college. Well, with the help of my aunt and uncle, and the hospice department in Winnemucca, she did get to see me graduate. It was a complete surprise for her and she bawled when we told her the night before what we were doing. The dean of the college of Education came to Winnemucca and held a graduation ceremony for me. He brought my cap and gown, my invitations, everything I needed for graduation. I never did have to get anything for my real ceremony. It was supposed to be a small ceremony, but it turned out to be over 40 people in this hospital conference room. This sounds like an absolutely wonderful thing right...WRONG!

I was furious with my sister and my uncle for even thinking that this would be ok with me. They didnt' even ask they just told me I had to be there that weekend. I was livid because in my mind, if I graduated then she could die. Not ok here folks! I made my poor sister cry because I was so mean to her, but my uncle knew that I was upset and he just told me to shut the hell up. This wasn't for me it was for my mom. In the end, I was thrilled that I did it and very happy with my sister and uncle for putting it together. I was happy because I realized that even though she was alive in May when I did graduate, she couldn't have made it to Reno to sit through that long ass graduation ceremony.

My family

More of my family

Me, the dean of education and his wife

Some of the people that came to my graduation

So this was a nice little treat for my mom and I'm really happy that my uncle and sister helped to put this together. It did mean a lot to her and to me that she was able to see me get my diploma in some form. And how great is the dean of education for driving all the way to Winnemucca to hold this special ceremony for one of his students!

(Alright Shawna, I owe you way more and this was a just brief touch on Dave in this one, but at least we were all able to see the games he really played...he was nice in this one and then he'll turn to a shit in the next one!)

Wedding Fair

2008-01-28T09:02:00.001-08:00

Well we went to the wedding fair yesterday. It was fun, but definitely not what I thought it was going to be...although I'm not sure I can give you a definition of what I thought it would be either. Chrissy and my sister and I went. We wandered around and I started to realize that maybe it wasn't as fun for me because I already had most of this kind of stuff done. I was looking for booths with favors and invitations and stuff like that. There was I think 2 and they were way high in price. I will stick to the wonderful book I got in the mail from I don't know where and go with that.

We entered numerous drawings and then we left the fair. After we got home, I got a phone call saying that I had won the bachelorette basket from the Chocolate Walrus. SCORE!! There has to be at least $200 worth of stuff in there. There is a pin the macho on the man poster, a bride tank top (that will apparently have to be my goal because it's a medium and my boobs are not so medium), a boa, some games, 6 penis shot glasses, pecker whistles, pecker straws, pretty much everything pecker you could think of...then there was this wonderful purple bag in the center. It was filled with tons of stuff and guess what it had in it...a VIBRATOR! Yeah I go to the wedding fair...do I win the $5000 honeymoon, NO. Do I win any of the honeymoon give aways, NO. Do I win anything else that would be normal to win...NO. I win the basket full of porn stuff! Oh well it is going to be way fun and there's not much left to buy for a bachelorette party so my sister and Chrissy left feeling like they totally scored and it was there basket until after the party haha!

I'll have to take some pictures later and post them up...I'll try to get one of me in my dress too but not sure that I will be able to do that for a while when I try it on again.

Now I must post at least one more chapter or Shawna will kill me!

It's Here

2008-01-27T07:33:00.000-08:00

My dress is here!! It was supposed to take like 12 weeks and not be here until April. It took two weeks to get here! I went to pick it up on Friday night and I tried it on. I love it even more in ivory than the bright white...it was exactly what the dress needed for it to be perfect! I will have to post some pictures after today. My sister is coming to town today for the Fantasy Wedding Faire and I want to be able to try it on for her and then I will take some pictures. Chrissy and I didn't have time or a camera that night. Plus I was walking around all retarded because I was afraid I was going to sweat on it or get deodorant on it or something!

Oh and Shawna...I'm working on the next chapters...hopefully I can get them up today or tomorrow! I promise not to leave you hanging for much longer :)

Breaking News...

2008-01-27T07:30:00.000-08:00

I was just watching good morning america and do you know what music group they said is getting back together?

New Kids on the Block!!

Now don't you dare scoff at me. I know you all loved the New Kids back in the 80s and 90s! Someone had better be as excited as me. I think I'm excited because this was like the first music group that I absoultely adored. Good Morning America had to point out that they are all almost 40 and could be singing teen pop...eh I could over look that just to say that I got to listen to them again in the 2000s!

Shannon you better be excited...I know you liked them too!

Chapter 10: Kelsey

2008-01-21T19:29:00.001-08:00

Enter the first girl that I disliked. There were many a night when the boys would go out and we girls would be left at home. Funny thing was we would end up going out too and when they ran into us they suddenly wanted to hang out. Yeah because they hadn't found any girls and they were wasted and needed a ride home.

I distinctly remember a night when Kelsey was a real problem. Dave and I had spent the entire night dancing together. He was being incredibly flirty and I was loving it. He didn't seem to be worried about what our friends were thinking and they had seen us kiss a few times so no biggie. But of course I only just realized how shallow our friends were. We ended up running into Kelsey and of course drunk Dave was going to go be all flirty with her too.

Ok keep your cool you don't want everyone to know and you can't go getting all jealous.

I kept my cool alright, right up until it was time to leave. We were all walking out and everyone was coming to my house to stay the night. We go to get in the elevator and there is Kelsey. She asked if he wanted to go home with her and I shot him the death eyes. Too bad for me at this time they didn't have the same effect they do now. Of course all the guys were like "do it!!!" I thought wow he doesn't have the balls to seriously disrespect me even if it is in front of all of our friends. There's no way he will go home with her after he had already made it very clear to me that he was going home with me.

Nope! Silly me...he would disrespect me in front of everyone, because if he didn't go with her then everyone was going to give him shit! So shit on the girl that is head over heals in love with you and go home with Kelsey. I was angry at him up until she flashed me that ha ha I win eyes and I was ready to come unglued! Of course I had to deal with that all on the inside.

**She wasn't ever a nice person to Dave either. While they never actually hooked up other than kissing, she did use him to get back at her old boyfriend at the time and after my mom had died Teela called to tell me that they were all out one night and she tried to use Dave to get James mad...it worked and they almost got into a fight. So he's 0 for 2 with the girls so far! Maybe he should have just stuck to the nice girl from the beginning.**

Intermission: Shallow friends

2008-01-21T08:37:00.000-08:00

These next few posts have all become a refreshed bitter memory this weekend. I don't know in what order to tell them because I think to know the story, you must also understand what I came to realize this weekend. So I will take a break from the story itself (although this is very much a part of the story as it was a large part of the reason that I spent a year playing games and this weekend very very upset) and discuss this weekend so that you can better understand the story as you go along. It might help you understand why Dave was such an ass during this entire year long period, although it is no excuse for the bullshit he put me through. So now I give you the intermission:

Patty asked if our friends had always wanted us together. That was never part of their plan and it was probably the farthest thing from their minds. After my little discovery this weekend, I would have to say they probably tried even harder than I know to make sure that we weren't together. Some friends huh!

This weekend all started from an email. One of Dave's friends in Wyoming, Gabe, is going to be in our wedding. I don't know him or the best man. I won't meet them until July. I will only meet them because I planned a trip up there. I got Gabe's email for our wedding stuff and I just took the initiative to write him and say thanks for being in the wedding and I looked forward to meeting him. We have since written to each other every day. I think this is nice because he is taking the time to get to know me even if it is only through email right now. I have been asking Dave for the last few years to go up there, but these friends were always like his secret friends. He would never talk to them if I was around and it really started to bother me. So I took it into my own hands and talked to the friend on my own. Now Dave thinks its just great because I appreciate his friend up there as much as he does (duh! if you gave me the chance to meet him I could have told you that!)

As I said Gabe and I have been emailing. In Wyoming, no one calls Dave, Dave. They all call him David. I have never called him that because he was introduced to me as Dave. So when I write I try really hard to write David, but I always forget and end up writing Dave. Gabe wrote me back Thursday and he titled the email Alter Ego. I thought that was a funny title until I started reading. He wrote something so simple, something I probably read so much into it wasn't even funny. But it didn't matter...no matter how he meant this statement, I suddenly understood what I thought he meant.

He wrote: It's funny when you write Dave...it seems that he is trying to get away from his old self some...Brian, Greg and I were talking about it at lunch and we don't know who Dave is...we only know David.

Now I'm sure there was no super secret meaning behind him writing that. I'm sure by old self he really didn't mean that Dave was trying to get away from something in his past. But, whether Gabe meant it like this or not, I understood that Dave was probably a very different person than David.

I breifly mentioned this email to Dave. He was like I wonder what he meant. This was at lunch. By the time I got home I knew exactly what Gabe meant and I proceeded to tell Dave. You see when I met Dave he was really good friends with Steve. I told you all in my earlier posts that our friendship was going to taper off and I wasn't going to think Steve was all that great anymore. After being friends with Steve for the time I had been, I had started to see him for what he really was. He was a really shallow person. He was very materialistic and not in just the fact that he liked nice things...in the way that he liked nice things, would only purchase the best of the best, and then would proceed to rub it all in your face. He was the kind of person that needed arm candy and if the girl wasn't smokin hot, she wasn't going to be good enough. He is the kind of person that has to put a price tag on EVERYTHING! When I bought my new car, the first thing out of his mouth was how much was that? Oh it wasn't like 30,000, must not really be a good car! He's that kind of a person. But I wasn't trying to date him, and he was still a good friend to me (or so I thought) and I could live with his personality. Another thing I have always known about Steve is that he has some power over people. I truthfully don't think he does it on purpose or that he is even aware of it, but he sweeps people into some trance if you will that he is a god. You can tell me I'm nuts, but even Chrissy who knew him before me can attest to this. Everyone has to impress him. It's just a fact...I've done it, Chrissy's done it, Dave's done it, Eric still does it...we all do it. Like I said he doesn't demand this, and I'm not sure he is aware of it, but it happens. We would have all decided that we didn't want to go somewhere downtown for the weekend. Steve would show up, he would say oh let's go to the place you guys already decided you didn't want to go, and that's where we would go.

Dave was no exception to this rule. Dave had to always impress Steve. They had to shop at the Buckle and he had to wear Lucky...he always did what Steve wanted, always went where Steve wanted, and apparently always hooked up with girls that Steve saw fit. Enter my livid state of pissed offness this weekend!! You see, Dave was a different person down here. He had to be because he had to be what Steve wanted him to be or what Steve thought was cool. I suddenly realized that the person Gabe talks about isn't the person that I first met...he is the person I am now going to marry, but he isn't the person that I first met. There was no way that Dave would have acted like this in front of his Wyoming friends...not the Dave I know now anyway. As I start to tell Dave all of this...it dawns on me even more that in the world of Steve, I wasn't hot enough...I wasn't good enough and therefore, Dave wouldn't have ever let his friends know that he was hooking up with me!!!

Ok I'm sure you can now start to think that I was just being irrational...Dave isn't really that much of a jerk. WRONG PEOPLE!!! As I was telling him all of this I was saying things like in the eyes of your friends, I wasn't hot enough...I wasn't Janna, Kelsey or Rachel (all girls that the guys encouraged him to hook up with because oh my god how lucky was he they were so hot!) Do you want to know what this dumb ass said to me...YOU'RE RIGHT!! I'm WHAT! Ok I appreciate honesty as much as the next person but did you seriously just tell the woman you are going to marry that at one time, she wasn't hot enough and you had to impress your friends and so therefore you put me through a year of games? Oh and did I leave out that STEVE was the one that he was trying to impress and he is also the person in our WEDDING! Yeah I was furious...I couldn't believe that he had just admitted to me that for part of the time, he did like me, but that the guys didn't think I was hot enough so he couldn't be with me.

As you can well imagine, my little feelers were hurt! I knew I couldn't geniunely be mad at him because it was in the past and he couldn't change it. What was important was the he did change and he stopped being like that. He stopped caring what Steve thought or what anyone thought and did things for himself. For that I am happy. But as you will see in the story, Janna is a very very bitter sore nerve. I always thought I was second best to her...like she didn't work out so he came back and settled for me. Well it took me a VERY long time to get over that and then what does he do this weekend? He rips that wound open and dumps a gallon or so of salt into it!

He spent all day Friday text messaging me telling me how he had hated the person he had become and that he was so sorry that he had ever cared what they thought and so on. Yeah that was all fine and dandy, but that didn't change my hurt feelings or the fact that this guy is in our wedding!!!!!! Why would I want someone in our wedding that thought I wasn't good enough for you because I wasn't hot enough? Dave also told me that it was being with me that changed him back to the person he was in Wyoming. It was because I always told him to stand up for himself, and to not worry about Steve. It was because I loved him either way and he knew that I wasn't going to be like the skanky girls that he was trying to appease Steve with...I had substance and I was pretty. (That one might take a while for me to believe again!) I was someone that was a good person and someone that he could trust being in a relationship with. I was the person that was going to deal with all of his issues in relationships and be there to work him through them...not just pass him over because he was a mess!

All in all the weekend turned out good. I did something that I probably never do soon enough and just let it go. I said my peace. I said it hurt me. I said that he opened the Janna thing again and proved everything I had always feared so that if that was a sore subject for a while again, sorry. I said that I knew there was really nothing to be mad at...it is in the past. I said I realized that he wasn't that person anymore and that I loved him either way (although I certainly didn't like him very much at the moment). I was the bigger person and I didn't drag it out forever like I normally would have. Probably because I knew I was just going to have to get over it because there was nothing he could do. And probably because it really didn't matter...I was the one that was going to marry him so somewhere along the road he pulled his head out of his ass!!

I will now continue with my story...you will see bits and pieces of this come up again as I write the next chapters. Hopefully having this understanding will make the story over the next few chapters make even more sense!

Chapter 9: Let the games begin

2008-01-21T08:28:00.000-08:00

After our first little episode together, I decided that really I liked this guy. I started wanting to hang out with Dave even more than we already did. We all hung out on the weekends but that's when all of our friends were around. While that was nice, he certainly wasn't the guy he was around me when it was just the two of us. I would go to the shop where he works and see all the guys and hang out with him. Remember Steve worked there too so I wasn't blowing my cover just yet.

Dave and I continued to see each other on the side when we had time. I was the one going out of my way to make time, and he was the one that if he had the time, he had the time. But if not, no biggie. The whole time I was clearly falling for him. Everything about his was great...when it was just the two of us. But when everyone else was around, it was like I was non-existent. Well not that bad, but it wasn't the same. He would still do a few flirty things and I know our friends couldn't possibly have been that dense to not know, but it was our thing to keep it all a secret.

I had just started my student teaching and so I was seeing less of Steve and still going to the shop to see Dave everyday after I was done with school. One day our friend Eric was there and they were talking about going out that weekend. It was going to be a "guys" night and Monica and I weren't supposed to come. They did this shit to us often...and it was ALWAYS made into a huge deal leaving Monica and I to feel like shit. It always drove me more nuts because when they were out to have a guy night they were out to get laid. It was my understanding that Dave and I were sleeping together and we weren't sleeping with anyone else...no strings attached of course. Suddenly I started hearing about how Kelsey and those girls were going to meet them downtown...WAIT! I thought this was a "guy" night and what is the deal with Kelsey? Could he really be playing games with me right now? Was I really that blind to his signals and was I completely misinterpretting them to be the way I wanted? Little did I know that the games were about to begin!

Side note

2008-01-18T07:25:00.000-08:00

Patty asked if our friends actually wanted us to hook up or if it just happened...haha funny she should even bring up such a bitter bitter subject!! They actually tried very very hard to keep us apart and I will be more than happy to write all about that in the next chapter. You will have lots more to read tonight about our story.

I haven't had time to write this week because I was putting the finishing touches on my fundraiser at school and then we had it Wednesday night. Oh yeah it was awesome...we raised $841!!! I think that worked out pretty well and will be much needed by Dave's dad and his neighbor!!

Chapter 8: So...

2008-01-14T20:32:00.000-08:00

So...

My favorite little phrase and a complete secret between me and Dave.

January 5, 2004 (yes I remember the date because I'm good like that!!) changed everything I had ever known about a lot of things. Dave had gone home that morning after our ordeal with the crazy girl that the boys had picked up. I knew that he must have liked me at least a little. There were all those little signs and he was giving me all those little looks like a guy does when they are interested. After he left, I sat at home alone for the day just thinking about him. I couldn't get him out of my mind. He told he him would probably call me later that night or something. I didn't get my hopes up, but secretly I was wishing and praying that he called and maybe just he and I could hang out for once alone.

He actually did call. We started talking and one thing led to another and suddenly we were talking about hooking up. It was the joking around like oh yeah right you are the one that doesn't want to do it bullshit that high schoolers play but you know what I bought right into it all. After about an hour or so on the phone, he had convinced me that he was coming into town and we would just hang out. Ok we just spent the last hour talking about having sex with each other and now we are just going to hang out? YEAH RIGHT!!

I suddenly flipped into girly oh my gosh my crush is coming over mode. I ran and threw on some make up. I straightened everything up at the house...and thanked god that Jonathan had gone to Winnemucca for the weekend so I didn't have to wonder where we could actually do this without him being home. We might have been on a break but we were still living together. After 45 minutes of heart pounding anticipation, he finally showed up. I was like a giddy school girl. I had just spent the last 5 days straight with him and now it was like I didn't know what to talk to him about. Probably because I knew we were going to have sex for the first time and probably because I wasn't quite sure what to expect.

He decided that we should just go for a drive and talk. Wait I thought I was going to have sex...what is this driving around and talking bull shit about?? We drove around for almost 3 freaking hours! As we were talking we figured out that he didn't want to hook up at my house because that would be disrespectful to Jonathan (yes this is the same guy that said I had a boyfriend and that was my problem not his...now he was worried about his feelings?). If I had been in Winnemucca I would have had a million places where we could have gone down a dirt road away from people and had our little time in the car. But this was Reno...where the hell was I supposed to go. As I said we drove around forever trying to find a spot to park. We ended up out by Red Hawk golf course. The entire time we had been driving around I had butterflies in my stomach. My heart was racing like the first time you are going to do something and you are super excited about it! Now we had found a place that was secluded...now what the hell was I supposed to do with him?

We sat there in completely awkward silence for a while (this is why friends with benefits doesn't work out so well for me). How were we going to take our friendship to the next intimate level and still make sure that we remained friends? Oh I know I tell Dave that we are going to have sex with no strings attached...it's just something we both need! Uh huh...I happened to leave out that I had some pretty strong feelings brewing for him and that those were going to end up being some tough strings to break. After about 10 minutes, he said something and I turned to look at him and he gave me a kiss. It was the most melty, mushy gushy kiss I have ever experienced. I shit you not I melted right there. It wasn't like the other times I had kissed him (maybe because he was sober!) no no people this was completely different! Of course one thing led to another and we ended up finally hooking up. Excuse if this is TMI, but it was the best sex EV-AH!! I'm pretty sure I have never had sex like that again and I knew damn well I had never had sex like that before. All the corny things I could possibly say like it was mind blowing and blah blah blah...yeah it's all true! The guy was a great dancer and it most certainly transferred over into the bedroom...er uh front seat of my car!

It was from that point on that Dave and I started our year long secret affair if you will. We hooked up, we talked on the phone, we spent time together just the two of us, and we hid it ALL from our friends and everyone else. The only people at the time that knew anything of Dave were two people that I talked to at work that I completely trusted. Plus I knew they weren't going to be hanging out with me on the weekends with my friends so no possibilities of it being leaked out.

You might ask what so... means. That was our text message to each other if we wanted to hook up. Our agreement was that if one of us sent that to the other, it was to come and have sex with each other again no strings attached. We used it often and it seriously made my heart skip a beat when I would get that text message. Everytime I would get it, I would go to him...and every time I would fall a little more for him. I thought the same could be said for him. I mean do people really have friends with benefits for as long as he and I and actually not end up harboring any feelings for each other? I knew this couldn't possibly be true...he had to at least like me a little bit right?

Chapter 7: The Five Days of New Years

2008-01-14T20:18:00.000-08:00

We are skipping ahead to New Years 2004. Not much happened during the time of the skank. We all hung out and I still dated Jonathan. We would go out dancing on the weekends and Dave would make out with me and then I would go home to Jonathan and he would go back to acting like a puppy dog over the skank.

New Years of 2004 was going to be just that for me. It was going to be a new year with totally new adventures. I was going to be student teaching, graduating in May, and best of all I was about to be legitimately single!

That New Years, Jonathan had some friends come up from Vegas. We were all supposed to go out together and he ended up leaving earlier than me. We met up at Pacific Beach (hell it went through so many names I'm not sure that's the right one either). He was with his Vegas friends, and I was with Steve, Dave, Eric and Monica. I didn't care that I wasn't with Jonathan. I was happy to ring in the new year with the people that were making me happy. We all met up down at the club and Jonathan was a drunk mess. He was dancing around acting like a complete jackass. I was super embarrased and tried to pull the whole girlfriend roll about his drinking. But really I didn't care...I was more concerned with where Dave went. Jonathan and I ended up getting into a fight and decided not to spend the evening together. He went off with his friends and I went off with mine. I however wasn't so happy. I knew that I was about to start all of these new things and I knew that Jonathan and I were about to be done for good. I didn't want to lose my comfort blanket if you will, but I knew I had to. I vaugely remember the night and me having to find him down the street because he was so drunk he was lost. He was a complete ass to me and pushed me out of his way. Dave happened to see and although he was really drunk, he grabbed me and said that I deserved better. He told me it was time to let him go. And that's just what I did. When we got home the next morning, we talked and we decided that we were going to take a break. He knew it would be permenant, and while I knew that was what was best, I was trying to hang on to him because it was safe and comfortable.

I spent the next three days (me and all the boys and monica had spent the two days before new years eve all together too) surrounding myself with the three boys. We went out every single night and they got wasted. I went with them and just hung out. I watched them all hit on girls and act like idiots but to me it was better then being around my house at the time. There was nothing normal there. Jonathan walked away from 4 years of a relationship like it was nothing. But the girl in me had to be a little sad...I had dated this person for 4 years! It was the right thing to do...I had to have a certain mourning period right?

The last night we all hung out the boys were wasted and I had pharyngitis. Same thing as laryngitis except it's in your pharynx. I could hardly talk and I had to start student teaching on that Monday. But I still went out with the boys. Steve and Eric picked up on some girl that was way younger then them and just as dysfunctional. Long story short she ended up telling the boys she was pregnant after they got her shitfaced and she couldn't stand. We all drove her home and she ended up throwing up all over my car in the backseat and all over Steve...in hind sight he deserved it. While the boys were busy picking up on this girl, Dave was busy helping me soak up my sorrows in the corner.

We spent much of the night talking about everything that was suddenly happening to me. He was being super sweet and incredibly flirty. I was getting the vibe that maybe all those make out sessions were a little more than just him wanting to try and hook up. You see up until this point in the story that's all we had done. We only made out and had some major sexual chemistry on the dance floor. But we hadn't hooked up.

Yep, New Year 2004 was going to be the start of a very different life for me.

Chapter 6: The Skank

2008-01-14T19:59:00.000-08:00

The next part of the story is a bit of a blur to me. Maybe because I don't know the exact timeline of it all happening or because there was so much going on in my life at that point that I just couldn't keep track. We are now between the time of April of 2003 and December of 2003.

This chapter is going to sound like a ranting rave and I will sound like an utter bitch, but I don't care. You see it is at this point that I actually befriend Dave. He becomes a permenant part of the weekend group and since him and Steve work together I see him all the time. I won't lie...I was attracted to him and went out of my way to do things for him very similarly to how I did things for Steve. The more I got to know him, the more I liked him. Of course at this time I would not admit this to anyone...myself included. I had a boyfriend and well he was attached to the skank!

The skank...Steve's sister Rachel. I usually have a worse word for her...and I never call her by her name because I don't really think she is a human being worth of being called anything other than a Skank or the ever popular C word...yeah I don't like her in case you couldn't tell. When I first started hanging out with Steve, I didn't know much of his family. His sister was still in high school and when I first had the chance to meet her, I thought she was pretty cool. A little outspoken and over the top but still a cool girl. I remember going to her graduation and doing all the fun stuff with her. Yep she was cool up until she began to mingle with Dave.

You see I said she was in high school...Dave was like 7 years older than her! (I know he's a colossal moron you don't have to tell me twice!) Either way he was head over heals for her. He was going out of his way to do things for her like I was for him and Steve. He would drive into town from Fernley just to hang out with her for a few hours. He would help her write her school papers (and she was and is a fucking moron and I don't know how she could even function in school and I'm not just saying that to be mean. She will tell you she's dumb!) take her here and take her there. ALL of the boys in our group thought she was just the hottest thing ever...she's a pretty girl don't get me wrong. But I can't even say she's pretty now because she's such an ugly asshole on the inside it bleeds out of her.

I spent the next few months watching Dave be walked all over by this girl. I will never forget the time when they came to the University Inn where I was working because she needed help with her homework. She sat there and in front of Dave blatently said that she didn't like him, and she was just using him and he knew that. What kind of slutbag says that when the person they are talking about is standing right there! I looked at her in an awe. Obviously she thought her shit didn't stink at all and he should just be at her beck and call. Apparently his dumb ass thought the same thing. Plus she was a piece of ass and he was like a God to all of Steve's friends because he was getting to screw Steve's little sister that was smoking hot in their eyes. But while Dave acted like he didn't care, I saw in his face that he was actually hurt by the things she said about him, to him and the things she did to him. It was at this point I saw the sensitive side with Dave and I realized that I couldn't ignore that I liked him.

We would go out on the weekends and he would get drunk and want to make out. He was a fantastic dancer and we all broke off into our little "dancing partners" when we went out. I danced with him and got blindly jealous if Monica tried to dance with him. She danced with Steve didn't she know that! Of course I couldn't let them know that I actually liked him because I STILL had a boyfriend. He would sit and make out with me on Saturday and then go and be all lovey goo goo over the skank! What the fuck didn't he have feelings or was he treating me like she was treating him? Either way the skank had to go!

Aside from her maltreatment of Dave and the rest of human kind, she is also the person that told me (the same night at the University Inn by the way) that I was stupid if I thought Steve would still be friends with me after we graduated from college and he didn't need me anymore. It was at this point in the night when I began to yell at her...remember I'm at work! I screamed at her and told her what a piece of shit she was for treating Dave, this super sweet guy, the way she did and I told her to get the fuck over herself if she didn't think Steve and I would be friends. Hello had she not seen that we were inseperable??

I leave the story here about the skank because I harbor such ill will towards her that just speaking about her can actually cause me to spark a fight with Dave over his idiotic moves with her. I dislike her so much that when I send the invitation for our wedding to Steve's parents house I am purposely excluding her name and if she is included in the RSVP, Dave is the one responsible for calling and saying no no she can't come. That is how much I dislike this girl...immature I know. Get over it right he is marrying me...yeah for some reason I can't. She makes my stomach turn and the thought of him even remotely liking her makes me want to vomit!

Chapter 5 : The Closet

2008-01-08T20:39:00.001-08:00

Alright this chapter is just a continuation of the last one, but it's such a key point in the meeting of me and Dave that it must be it's own chapter.

So the night continued and I swear hormones were flying from every person at the party. Gillespie and Monica were busy trying to hook up (they had a fling and that's a blog I shall not get into). Our friend Heidi was busy downstairs with a guy named James only to come up and have Steve hitting on her. And Dave and I most definitely had sparks flying.

By this point in the evening, the 6 of us had moved upstairs. We weren't playing beer pong or hanging out with the rest of the party...we were all upstairs in a bedroom pairing off trying to find a dark corner! Dave and I were talking and he leaned in to kiss me...WOWEE!! This was seriously wonderful...boyfriend...no I don't have one of those. Thank you Monica for being so busy trying to get down someone's pants next to me that you didn't rat me out. This was going to be a wonderful night. That is until Steve walks in!

Steve walked in and tried to ruin my night. He yanked Dave off of me and said "what the hell are you doing...she has a boyfriend?" That cockblocking rat! How dare he tell on me like I was 5!! UGH! Fortunately I was messing around with someone that lacked morals even more than myself at that point. Dave's response: "She has a boyfriend? That's not my problem, it's hers!" Yeah so quit tattling on me and go play with Heidi. Monica and Gillespie were now getting pretty hot and heavy so Dave and I decided we were going to sit in the bathroom away from them and everyone else. It is at this point I see Dave's morals REALLY kick in.

He starts trying to hook up with me. Hello did you not hear I have a boyfriend...I already acted like a slutbag (yes I stole Shannon's word today) and now you are looking for a piece of ass? Plus hello you just met me. You don't know a thing about me! Everyone knows we are in there so when they all walk out for a minute we make a mad break for the closet! Yes we hung out the rest of the night in the closet. It's a big walk in closet and had plenty of room for us to have a romping make out session! I of course was worried to death that Steve was going to walk in and find us. Being emotionally attached to him like I was, I actually felt worse disappointing him than I did cheating on Jonathan. My morals were all screwy and by the wayside. I kept telling Dave that people were going to walk in and find us and that I wasn't ok with that. I kept telling him that I wasn't going to make out with him or hook up with him because he was just going to run and tell everyone. He assured me that he wouldn't do that and hello he was a phenomenal kisser so what the hell right!

We made out for a while, Monica finished her business and we went home. Dave never did succeed in "nailing" me that night and he wouldn't for another year. But he did succeed in one thing that night. He showed me that there truly was someone better out there for me. Someone I had much better chemistry with and someone I was blindly attracted to. He also showed me that I was nothing more than a piece of ass for the night and that he was going to trample all over my little heart before I even knew what was about to happen!

Chapter 4: A New Friend Joins the Group

2008-01-08T20:27:00.000-08:00

After I hung up the phone, I never gave this Dave guy another thought. He didn't live here and he wasn't part of our group of friends. In April of 2003, however, someone new joined our group of friends. And that someone was Dave.

Dave moved back from Arizona in April. He moved up here to go to school because Yuma didn't have the program he needed (thank god in hindsight!). I will never forget the night that I met Dave. It was Gillespie's birthday part this time. And boy were we having a party. As usual, Monica and I went up there with Steve except something was different when we went in the door. Gillespie was waiting for us by the door, waiting to reunite Steve and Dave and introduce me to my future husband! I so wish I had pictures, but I don't have a scanner and at that time I didn't use a digital camera. By the time we got there, I'm sure they had a few drinks in them. Steve and Dave caught up and Gillespie introduced him to me and Monica. He met Monica first and then Gillespie said "and this is the girl you talked on the phone to." Wow this was the guy I talked to...ok I could live with him joining our group of friends. If he is like he was on the phone, I could really like this guy. It was the first night that I felt like I had the confidence to actually let go of Jonathan and know there was something better out there. Only problem is we hadn't said 5 words to each other yet and here I was dreaming about the future. Slow down Sally!

We exchanged "hi's" and everyone headed for the kitchen to get drinks. Dave made me a drink and gave me a slam dunk of a line. "You are even prettier than Gillespie said." Holy shit did he just say that?? Yeah I fell for it hook, line, and sinker! ** I just asked Dave if he said that so he could try to get in my pants that night or if Gillespie had really told him this and he now can't remember. Therefore, I am going to assume that it was a line that he just used to weasle his way in! So much for love at first sight and sweet lines huh! Shithead! ** I spent the rest of the night talking and flirting with Dave. I was eating up all this attention he was giving me. It was everything I had been craving from Jonathan and what I was trying to milk out of Steve. Dave was making me feel like I was the most gorgeous girl in the room and he thought I was just great. Have I mentioned what his shirt said...First we get hammered, then I nail you. Nice huh! And that's exactly what he tried to do!

Chapter 3: The Phone Call

2008-01-08T20:07:00.001-08:00

Alright it's back to story time. As I said, Steve and I were pretty much a package deal by this time. We were all hanging out at Gillespie's house for Steve's birthday. A bunch of our friends were there and we were having a great time. Of course Jonathan wasn't there with me. He was doing something with his own friends or working. Didn't really matter to me because I was doing something fun for Steve. Everyone was well on their way to drunk and I was over course the designated driver. Everyone was in the garage playing beer pong and Gillespie was inside on the phone. I went in to go to the bathroom and he was like "here, talk to my buddy Dave."

I spent the next 20 minutes or so talking to something I had never met. He sure did sound cute (if that can really happen) and he sounded like he shouldn't have been friends with the heathens I was hanging out with. He seemed really down to earth and he had me laughing within the first 5 minutes. But this guy lived in Arizona and wasn't going to give me all those things that Steve was giving me emotionally. So I gave the phone back and went back to the garage to be near Steve. We ended up staying there that night and talking all night long. Steve told me that he knew I wasn't happy and that I should just dump Jonathan...I would clearly find someone else. I didn't have to stay unhappy because I was comfortable.

Little did I know the person on the other end of the phone was the person that I was clearly going to find very soon!

The Flood

2008-01-08T19:26:00.000-08:00

Alright...I'm finally back. I managed to make it through that night with only 2 drinks and even though Shannon said I should have lots of Hershey kisses I managed not to have any that night...I saved them for the morning and even then I only had 3. Irregardless it was the day and weekend from hell!

Dave's dad sustained much less damage than others on his street. He is on Jenny's Lane and other people that were closer to Farm District Road were the ones that had their houses flooded out and their cars floating in the street. The water never made it in house, but it did get about 8-10 inches in the garage. Dave was lucky that his 68 Camero baby didn't get any damage (well not that we can see now he hasn't started it yet to see if water got in the motor or in the inside of the car). The water also got in the crawl space and ruined the insulation down there as well as all of the plastic. Again, there wasn't near what he thought would be there, but there was still a lot of water down there. The problem they are having is that it won't dry out. Because of the time of year, it's hard to dry it out. If they can't get it completely dried out they run the risk of the toxic mold that can grow. The same goes for the garage. His backyard is completely trashed...all of the stuff that was out back there is garbage too. Fortunately he didn't have lawn back there...it was just a big dirt backyard with all of his stuff back there (he had a few cars and a trailer for burning man as well as a bunch of other stuff that I"m not sure what he does with). Enough with the story...here are some of the pictures that you can see for yourself:

Mike's house (Dave's dad in case you didn't follow that haha) as we drove down the street...yes we are driving through the very deep water.

Mike's house from across the street...you can see the road isn't covered in this spot and the water had gone down even before we had arrived. You can see the water line on the tree.

Standing in his driveway looking up the "better" part of the road. When we first got there you couldn't see the little fence post in the bottom right corner.

Looking to the "bad" part of the road...the opposite way of above. It is around that curve where the houses were hit the hardest. Everyone knee deep in the water in the backyard

The house on the corner next to Mike's house

And my personal favorite...the man paddling his boat down the street with his snow shovel!

Sorry all the pictures got all crunched together...blogger should really make loading pictures much more user friendly!

When my principal asked how my weekend was I told him I had to go to Fernley. Being the absolutely wonderful man he is, he said what can we do to help Dave's dad? I was a little taken aback because I didn't think he would be like oh let's do something to help him. So next Wednesday, January 16, we are having a spaghetti feed for Dave's dad at my school. It is also for 3 of his neighbors that were hit by the flood waters. It will be from 6-8 and we will be serving spaghetti, salad and bread. Any of you local Reno gals, if you feel like coming out let me know and I'll give you details. I just think it's cool that my principal even thought to do something. Oh we are also showing a movie...it's $10 for a family or $2 a person. You get to pick from the 2 different movies we will be showing too. It should be a fun night and hopefully it will be a good turn out!

More to come

2008-01-07T09:02:00.001-08:00

I know I promised to post pictures and give the whole story of our day out at the flood yesterday, but we had our "company" here still and I spent the day trying my hardest to get rid of the company and not on the computer. So I will have to put up the pictures tonight and probably also write a blog about the company that began to overstay the welcome! I'm glad we had a 2 hour delay this morning for school...although that puts me 2 hours behind for the day meaning that I won't get everything done that I need to...2008 sure didn't start off on the greatest foot! It better shape up really soon! So you should have lots of blogs to read tonight plus I should get chapter 3 up for you guys tonight too!

What a Fucking Day!

2008-01-05T21:24:00.000-08:00

Yes I will apologize ahead of time for all of the profanity that is going to litter this post. And if you were waiting for Chapter 3, you are going to keep waiting because I have had the day from fucking hell! Yes people my future father in law lives in Fernley!

I know that even if you aren't in Nevada, you know what is going on in Fernley...it's on every freaking news station possible. You get the short version tonight...the version that I will tell because I am cranky, and pissy and very so very tired!

Started this morning at 8 am when people called to tell us that Mike (Dave's dad) house was flooded...as in under water people. GREAT! We get out there and what a mess...it looks even worse on the aereal views that you see on the news but it is insane what I saw today. I spent the entire day filling sand bags and then sweeping water out of Mike's house. Wading in knee deep water...good times! He was fortunate and the water never got in his house thanks to some smart guy that stuffed rags and towels in all of the vents of the crawl space before we sandbagged the house.

So after all that shit we leave to go home and it starts dumping fucking snow in Fernley...great! That means the roads are going to be hell coming home and no we can't stay in Fernley because we left the goddamn dog at home in his kennel! I called road conditions and miraciously the roads from fernley to reno were open with no controls. It was the only spot on 80 at that time that did not have road controls. Ok I can breath a sigh of relief...the roads were just slushy and driving slow enough we were ok...OR NOT!

Anyone hear about the fucking17 car pile up? Yeah us either until we ran into it and they turned us around on the freeway because now it was CLOSED! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW! So...what are we to do now...well they turned us around at Patrick and therefore we spent 2 hours passing the time at the local whore house! Yes we went and had dinner at Wild Horse to pass the time...beat sitting in the cold ass truck.

2 hours later we finally get back on the road and it's an incredibly slow go but that's just fine with me. The road is open to one lane and it is now dumping snow...can't see the road...me in the back of the truck FUHREAKING OUT! Finally make it to Reno after a 30 mile drive took us over 4 hours to get home. Thank god right...NO WRONG AGAIN!!!!

Walk into the dog that has been in the kennel all day and guess what folks...he shit all over it! Yes he shit all over the kennel, all over himself and it smelled rank. That is just fucking wonderful...really glad we didn't turn around and go back to Fernley and that I made the boys stay at the whore house...yes I had to make them you can hear more about that tomorrow! So we get the kennel outside and get the dog in the bath...yeah no way I'm standing in shit water so I drain it and turn on the shower. He is actually fine in there and not freaking out like I thought. Get him all cleaned up AND dried off...open the door to let him out of the shower...he starts spinning circles in the bathtub (THAT I AM STILL STANDING IN FOLKS) and throws up shit. You think I am talking hypothetically here like oh yeah he threw up some shit...no no he actually threw up the poop that he spent the day licking off of himself. WONDERFUL HUH!!! So we start the shower bath all over and I am trying my hardest to not throw up in the tub with him!

Yep that's my night...I am now sitting down and having myself a nice little cocktail or 7. You can see all the pictures, I have great ones and hear the story with details tomorrow I promise. As for tonight...I am taking my cranky ass to bed!

Chapter 2: An Emotional Affair

2008-01-03T12:29:00.000-08:00

People have affairs, people cheat. It's a nasty part of life, but it happens. I certainly wasn't exempt from it in my college years. I did my fair share of kissing others and not being a great girlfriend to Jonathan. But as I look back I wonder if he did his share too! Jonathan and I weren't getting to spend much time together. We worked entirely different schedules. When he got home it was 1am and I would be sleeping so I could go to work at 7am. And he didn't want to just come home and go to bed...everyone needs to unwind a little after work no matter what time you get off. So he would go to one of our friends house and drink some beers and play playstation. I can't say that I blamed him...what did I expect him to do come home and just sit there? I was sleeping. Looking back it was unrealistic to have him just sit on the couch and watch TV for a few hours...he should get to hang out with his friends too.

But him having his night time friends meant I needed someone to hang out with while he was at work. I needed to be able to do something too because he couldn't expect me to sit on the couch and wait for him either. So I hung out with my new friends. Steve was my new friend and if you thought we spent a lot of time together for school...we became inseperable when we weren't in school. We would do our school routine during the week and then we would all go out on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays. I wasn't 21 yet so a lot of the time we would go to some of Steve's friends house and party there. Monica was also in education and she and I became good friends during this time. So it was always me and Steve, Monica and our other friend Steve Gillespi (I will now refer to him by his last name so you are not confused!). When Jonathan was off he would hang out with us too and I still went and did some stuff with his friends, but I was putting all my time into Steve.

Many of you are going to assume what every other person that knew us at the time did. We were hooking up and having some super secret affair thing and really we were in love with each other. My mom thought that. Our friends wondered that. Even Chrissy (she liked Steve way back when and met her through him and then she ended up at my school and we became friends) said that she was cautious of me because she assumed we were together. Yes we were together...almost 24/7, but we were never "together". Because you see there was no physical attraction between us. I will admit that when I met Steve the first time in my class at TMCC, I thought he was cute. When he walked into UNR I still thought he was cute. The more I got to know him, and watched him with kids and saw him coach youth football, I thought he was down right adorable! But I was never physically attracted to him like oh my gosh I want to jump his bones. And I know that he never thought that about me either. We never hooked up not even so much as a kiss. And I had never wanted it to go that way. But my god what an emotional affair we had!

Some of you may ask what that is. I just found out like last year there was even a term. I was reading this article that a friend sent me about work relationships and people that cross the line. She was telling me about how it's one thing to be attracted and lots of people have affairs with coworkers, but the article talks about emotional affairs. Where people don't do anything physical but become emotionally attached to each other and that in the end it ends up hurting more feelings than an actual affair. For some people, yes you cheated on me but it's just sex and you still love me so it's ok. For others there is nothing ok about it at all. But for some, if there is no sex at all involved, it seems worse because you genuinely care about that person in the way you should be caring about your spouse. Now that you understand what it is...let me continue.

We had quite the emotional affair. He might not think that, but I do and that's what I refer to it as now. I put ALL my time and emotions into Steve. I would skip spending time with Jonathan if Steve said hey let's hang out. I would put things off because I wanted to do stuff with Steve or I was trying to be helpful and help him get something done. I typed all his papers (mainly because I get annoyed watching people type that only peck on the keys) and helped him through school. I listened to all his girl problems (and god did he have some) and provided the support he needed when his heart was broken into a 1,000 pieces. He went to the hospital to see my mom with me (you will see this turn later) and he even went to Winnemucca with me to go hunting once (that was much later). We literally did everything together. And if for some reason we weren't in the presense of each other, we were on the phone with each other. He would go home and every night, like clockwork, he would call me at 10pm. We could be on the phone for as little as 5 minutes up to 2-3 hours...and we had just spent all day together.

The more time I spent with Steve, the less time I wanted to spend with Jonathan. The more we grew apart and the more I knew that we shouldn't stay together. But I couldn't let go of that stability and neither could he. But I also didn't need to let him go just yet. I had all the stuff a boyfriend gives you from Jonathan, and what I wasn't getting emotionally from him, I was getting from Steve. Steve gave me all the "love" I thought I was missing from Jonathan. He gave me the time and emotions I thought Jonathan should be giving me. He gave me a picture of what a future with someone that loved kids was going to be like. He showed me what it would be like to spend time with someone you enjoyed being around and you felt secure and loved around. But at the same time, I knew Steve wasn't the guy for me...he just had all the qualities I was looking for. That's one reason we never became involved...I knew it would go no where. Trust me I considered it like a true young person would...what would it be like if I married Steve? While the concept of him was a wonderful future, he himself was not. I was not the eye candy trophy wife he was looking for and he wasn't as down to earth and fun as I had always thought he was. He was a disaster when it came to girls and frankly I didn't have the time for that.

Either way, he was giving me everything I needed at that time and I was falling more and more in love with the idea of him and what else there could be out there.

Chapter 1: College Life

2008-01-03T12:18:00.000-08:00

As I said I was going to school the entire time Jonathan and I dated. I lived in the dorms my freshman year and while it was fun, I couldn't wait until I moved to an apartment! When school was done that year Jonathan moved down here and we got an apartment together. He worked graveyard and it was hard for us to spend much time together. I was busy with summer school and working too. Finally he got a normal shift in the fall and I started college again. This time there was a new guy in my classes. You have to understand that in the education major, there are very few guys. So when a new one walks into class it's like a jackpot! Anyway...Steve was in one of my classes up at TMCC in the spring and now he had transferred down to UNR. We had to do a few group projects together and we became fast friends. We decided that I would do one more round of summer school to catch up to him (he is a year older than me and transferred from Shasta college) so we would have the same credits and we could enter the actual program together. Up to that point we were busy just doing our prerequisites to get into the college of education. And so that's just what we did.

It was nice having someone to do all my classes with. And he wasn't bad on the eyes either. We had the exact same schedule. We would meet at my house in the morning, and go to class. We would go to lunch and then come back to my house to write lesson plans or do our homework for the day. On the weekends I would drive to Fernley and we would do our homework at his house. We did everything college related together...we might as well of been one student! Either way it was nice having someone to get through college with and it was nice having someone who seemed to care about me and want to spend time with me.

Prologue: The Ending of an Old Flame

2008-01-03T11:06:00.000-08:00

Before you can begin to understand how Dave and I came to be, you must understand where I was at that point in my life. I was dating Jonathan...and had been for about 3 years. We had begun dating right at the end of my senior year and after a year away at college, he moved to Reno to be with me and we moved into our first apartment. Things with Jonathan were good...I have no complaints about that relationship. However, we were 18/19 and very young. On Valentine's Day, 2003, Jonathan's little brother passed away from pneumonia. He was only 13. During our entire relationship, my mom's cancer had returned and she was battling that. I guess you could say that for being as young as we were, we were experiencing things that are tough for adults to experience and we were still trying to date each other and be a young normal couple. I was in school and Jonathan was working late hours. I would work on the weekends from 7am-3pm and Jonathan would go to work from 4pm-1am. Obviously we weren't getting to spend much time together. We knew we weren't "happy" as in super in love with each other, but we knew that we needed the stability of each other as our lives were unraveling around us. We needed to know that when we came home from work and school, the one thing that was going to be normal and constant was going to be seeing that other person. Too much was going on around us to deal with trying to date and starting over fresh. We needed each other because we understood each other and the situations we were each dealing with. But in 2004, we decided that it was going to be best if we remained friends and no longer dated. It was hard losing something that had been part of your life for so long, but in my heart I know it was the right thing. And I think we both had someone else that we were ready to move on to.

Lucky Me

2008-01-02T10:37:00.001-08:00

I promise this will turn into the post that the last one was supposed to be. The last post needed to be written because I think that it was this years Christmas that really made me get all mushy gushy about Dave. It was the time we spent together that we just nice. Lame word I know, but I don't know how else to put it.

This year we spent New Years Eve together. Just the two of us. We were invited to a few friends' houses and it would have been a lot of fun. But the more we sat and talked about it, the more we both just wanted to stay home. We went to Wal-Mart and bought a few board games, came home, watched movies played our games and then watched the ball drop. That was our exciting New Years. But I must say...for as simple as it was, it was probably my favorite New Years with Dave yet. We laughed almost the entire night. We teased each other about the game we were playing...mostly because I am a sore loser and Dave always says can't you just let me win just once!!

Yesterday we went and got some games for the Wii...We spent the day playing games and again, just spending time together. I don't think we have done that in a while. We are usually with friends or just watching TV and while we are together when we do those things, we tend to not talk much watching TV. But the last two days we spent together we did nothing but talk. We talked about the wedding, we talked about kids (that's a whole other blog that he would probably kill me for writing), we talked about our goals for the year...we just talked. After we were done playing games, he was messing around on the Wii. He said, "You know I left you a message on here one day." I said really...I didn't know you could do that! "Yeah you can, and I had really hoped that you would find it while I wasn't home" Hmm...now I'm thinking to myself...if I didn't know that you could leave messages, why in the hell would I look for one. He said I would have to find it on my own but I made him show it to me anyway. He wrote this..

Hi honey...you are the best! I can't wait to be your husband!

And that little statement made me realize everything I had been thinking all weekend. It put it all into perspective. I have this wonderful man that I am going to marry (this year by the way people!). He loves me for me. There are plenty of things that drive him nuts about me, but he still loves me anyways. He picks up the house all the time. I like to do our laundry on the weekends, but if he comes home from work one night and there is some to do, he will throw in a load. He doesn't expect me to do all of these things just because I'm the girl. He does just as much around the house if not more than me. He cooks dinner for us. And when I get really excited about a dinner I want to try...he eats it and always says how good it is, even if sometimes it probably isn't! Dave listens to the things I say...and he actually hears me. I have always talked about wanting one of those log beds and never in a million years thought I would have one. Nor did I think Dave would just buy me one! He is doing extra hours and helping this guy that is making the bed whenever he needs help. The guy said he would pay him and Dave said just knock it off the bed. He isn't doing this because I sit around 24/7 saying that I really want this bed. He did it because he knows that I have always wanted one and he thought it would be a nice gift. He was just as excited to give it to me as I was to receive it. And then he always makes me cute little things. I think every couple has something that is special just to them. Shannon has told stories of the rocks that Rob collects for her. Dave makes me little things. Like the little bed so I had something to open. I would never think of something like that. We always play songs for each other. Sometimes they are silly and sometimes they are really sweet.

Sometimes (this is about to get sappy fyi!) I just sit on the couch and look over at him and I can't help but smile. I am overwhelmed with happiness when I think that I get to spend the rest of my life looking at that face. (I know Jen knows what I mean because she loves looking at her husband too haha...I know I remember reading a blog like that!) Or when we are driving I just smile looking at him. Don't get me wrong...I think he is damn right adorable so of course I like to look at him. But usually I just glance over and think to myself, I am going to get to wake up to that forever. I will get to see that smile and in turn smile because of how happy he makes me.

He is starting to get more excited about the whole wedding thing too now. I know he is excited to marry me and he isn't going to be all jazzed about the planning like I am, but he is happy to be my husband. He calls me his almost wifey sometimes and he will no longer refer to me as his girlfriend. He always calls me his fiance. I still call him my boyfriend because sometimes fiance feels so silly to say. When we were talking about my niece the other day he referred to her as his niece, and when my nephew wrote on my wedding website that he was happy that Dave was going to be his uncle, Dave got teary eyed (no he will not admit that to you, but he did and does often because he is very sentimental!)

Dave came into my life at the exact perfect time. I met him almost a year right before my mom died. I was dating Jonathan at the time, and while our relationship wasn't hell, we were both in it at that point because we needed the stability of each other. We cared about each other, but I'm sure we weren't in love with each other still. I started spending time with Dave as our group of friends and there was an instant attraction. He was fun, he was funny and he was clearly adorable! I started talking about him all the time and while my mom at first thought I liked my friend Steve because we were always together for school, she quickly figured out that it was Dave making me happy. She once asked who the boy who was putting the smile back on her daughters face was. That day we made a picture collage together with pictures of me and Dave and all of our other friends and my mom would cut out things from the magazine that said things like Secret Lovers and kept it hush hush and what happens between them stays between them. This was after Jonathan and I came clean about not wanting to be together anymore and let her know that we were taking a break...most likely a permenant one. Back to where I was going...my mom knew that I had found someone great. She met him only once. But I think she will be happy for me when I marry him. She will know that I am happy and that I am taken care of. She will know that my family loves him and accepts him. Dave was my moms way of saying it's ok to let go of everything honey...let go of the past (Jonathan) and when it's time let go of me. There is someone here for you and he is going to be the best thing that happened to you. And I think she was right...because I sure am lucky to be marrying him. And with this...I think I will write the story of me and Dave. Jen, Shannon Julia and Emery have all done theres...so I say why not...I will write the story of how Dave and I came to be. Hopefully I will be good about writing it and hopefully it will be as entertaining as everyone elses! I will do my best to break them into chapters that are short and not go on forever like I have done today!

I will leave you of my favorite picture of Dave from Christmas...not sure why it is my favorite, but it is!

Oh and that's the kind of picture frame my kids made for the parents...I made one for Dave of us to put in his stocking...it has puzzle pieces glued all around them!

In which I gush...about Christmas?

2008-01-02T10:01:00.000-08:00

Everyone has already blogged about Christmas and New Years and my lazy self can't get around to writing anything. The only thing I am faithful about blogging on is every Tuesday I make sure to log in and post my weigh in over on the Tuesday Tummy Tuck...but other than that I find myself staring at the screen going hmm...what to write. I guess I felt somewhat like Patty did (except for she writes creativly and such and I just blog to hear myself write!)

We had a really nice Christmas. We opened our presents here the Friday before and enjoyed our Christmas together. For the first time it felt like a real Christmas...maybe because I remembered to take pictures...maybe because we actually waited to open the presents till the night we were supposed to!! Usually we open our presents whenever we feel like because we don't have kids that we need to wait for...so we become the big kids and want to open our presents NOW!

Saturday morning we went to Winnemucca and spent four days up there. We played lots of games and just spent time together...again it was really nice. My sister and her family got a new computer which is wonderful because now maybe she will actually use it! Their old one was slow and it frustrated her to no extent and now she is getting better about using this one and they have only had it a week. We had a funny opening our presents...her and I got each other the same present! She kept asking me if we were brining two cars and I said probably we always do because Dave will come back. Well it was weird the way she asked so I thought why is it so important? Dave and I bought her a big picture frame...one like this...

I can't figure out how to turn it so tilt your head! When Dave loaded it up he said well geez it takes up the whole bed of my truck...when he said that I got to thinking that she bought me one to...sure enough we both bought one for each other! I told her that I really wanted one for our wedding so that I can put our wedding pictures in our room and do them in black and white. Then she started saying that she always wanted one of those for the kids' pictures and everytime she looked for one she couldn't find one. I said oh well I just saw one at Aaron's Brothers and so we both went and bought one!

For the first time, Dave stayed for Christmas Day. Usually he leaves that morning when we go to church to go to Fernley to have Christmas with his dad. Well this year we decided we would go to church that night instead of in the morning so it was nice to have a little more time with him. Well not wanting to make a 2 hour drive home kicked in and he decided to stay there with me. I think it's because his dad has a girlfriend this year and has someone to spend it with. It has never bothered me that he went back, but it sure was nice to have him there that day. And that night it was even nicer! We ended up taking my dad to the hospital after dinner. He was having trouble breathing and we knew he had quite the cold so my sister was afraid that it would turn into bronchitus again like he had in March. Sure enough that's what he had and they just kept him over night so that he could get his oxygen levels back up and they could give him some breathing treatments. Both my sister and I are lucky to have husbands (I can almost say that right) that care very much for our family. Her husband was wonderful when my mom passed and actually took it just as hard if not harder than the rest of us. That night he called work and took off the next day so he could stay home with the kids in case my sister needed to be at the hospital. When we called him the poor guy was pacing with worry. Dave was constantly texting me wanting to know if they were taking chest x-rays to make sure it wasn't pneumonia. So we are both very lucky. My dad got out the next morning and I stayed one more night so that there was someone at the house with him. He was doing much better and I'm glad he didn't have to stay in the hospital long because last time it depressed him a little bit.

This post was supposed to be the post in which I gushed...but it turned out to be all about Christmas...so that means that the next post will be all about the gushing.

He wins for most thoughtful ever!!!!

2007-12-22T08:13:00.000-08:00

Dave and I had our Christmas last night. We always open our presents here at home the night before we leave to Winnemucca. There is no point in packing all of our presents up there and then bringing them all home so we have our own little Christmas each year. Well he officially wins for most thoughtful anything ever!! My big present was definitely something that I had wanted ever since he has known me...and he was right...never in a million years would I have guessed that it was this!!!

He got me a log bed! It's not here yet and he wanted me to be able to open something under the tree...so Mr. Thoughtful and creative made this for me to open!

Seriously how cute is he! I think I like this better than the real bed...ok right now I do but when the real bed gets here it will be my favorite! I will have to update with more later! We were supposed to leave around 9am and we don't have anything done YIKES!!

Now it let's me do it!

2007-12-19T17:25:00.000-08:00

There after I hit publish post it let me do the damn picture! So there you go!!

Another round of dresses

2007-12-19T17:11:00.000-08:00

Alright I said I would post the next night and tell you all my favorites and then I waited forever and didn't post...sorry!

Here were my favorites in order from favorite to not so much! Dress #4, #1, #3, #2. Dress #2 is definitely out of the running! After looking at the pictures that night I thought to myself why did I even like that dress at the store!

Everyone that left a comment thought that Dress #1 looked the best and that was their favorite. Patty was the only person to say that she liked dress #3. This was the blog consensus. Everyone at my school liked dress #4 the best and then the one male opinion I asked was dress #3. My sister looked at the pics that night and she loved dress #3.

So Saturday when my sis was in town we went to try the dresses on again. #2 wasn't even an option anymore and it was between the other 3. So I tried them all on. And I must say that my favorites quickly changed! Dress #1, the one you guys all liked, became my least favorite when I tried it on again. I think it is just too plain...there is nothing to it and it became my least favorite. So now it was between the other 2. I had my heart really set on dress #4...it was my favorite and although it did have some bead work on it, it wasn't over the top and too foofy for me. I did however dislike the design at the bottom of the dress...especially when I tried it on and saw that it wasn't centered with the rest of the stuff on the dress. No good! Plus that dress is discontinued. So it's either buy it then, or wait and if I still like it pray it's still there.

But when I tried Dress #3 on again, it became a close tie between that one and #4. I didn't really like the buttons on the back of it, but I did like that it was more slimming on me than dress #4. I also liked that it had no detail on the bottom of the dress like dress #4. It wasn't as plain as #1 and it wasn't as decorated as #4. I started liking dress #3 the more I went home and looked at the pictures. My sister and her friend both said that they thought it looked the best on me. So did the male at my school that I asked. He said it really slimmed me up and didn't accentuate things that were already out there, as in my boobs. He was trying really hard to be nice and say that but he ended up making a Dolly Parton comment haha!

So as of right now, Dress #3 is my favorite and probably (I say that and god knows I will change my mind) the one I will go with. My sister also tried on a dress while we were there. She is 15 years older than me and she hates her arms. Shannon knows what I am talking about when I say we Arrate girls hate our arms! So she wanted something that covered that up and she was being super picky. She found a dress that she liked and ironically enough, it wasn't a bridesmaid's dress. It was the mother of the bride dress. With my mom being gone, she is going to have to partially try to fill that role too so I figure it was fitting. I really liked the dress on her. It looked really nice and complimented her well. Only dilemma now is that it changes the colors of the wedding a bit because the dress is a dark chocolate brown. But that's ok because Dave really wanted brown as a color in the wedding. Here is a picture of her and I...me in dress 3 and her in the dress that I like on her! OR NOT BECAUSE IT WON'T LET ME LOAD A PICTURE! I feel your pain now Jen!!!

I guess I will post the picture later when it wants to work. But as of now, I think I am going to go with dress 3...not too plain, not too foofy! So good job Patty for picking my favorite dress...even if it was my favorite after my second try on haha!

The Dresses

2007-12-13T22:33:00.000-08:00

I went to try on dresses tonight. I can't say that I was dying with excitement but after I put on the first dress I was a little more bride like. I tried on about 7 dresses and I can't say that I found one that I was just in love with that I couldn't live without. The last three we tried on were more of just seeing if I liked a halter or strapless because everything I had tried on previously was strapless. There were 4 dresses that I liked and had her write down. I didn't feel like the lady was all that helpful. She was nice, but I kind of felt like she was rushing us and that she didn't really want to bring more dresses and that after trying on 4 dresses I should know which one I want to buy! She had another girl come in so maybe she was actually feeling rushed but still I didn't get a good vibe from her in the helpful department. So here are the four dresses that I liked. I won't say which one is my favorite because I don't want to influence anyone's thoughts on the dresses. Please remember that you are looking at the dress here. Ignore the nerdy looks on my face, the closed eyes, and the hair that looks like it had an encounter with a weed whacker! Let me know which dresses you guys like...I hope you can see them good enough in the pictures.

Dress #1

Dress #2

Dress #3

And finally Dress #4

So there you go ladies...after you all comment I will post another blog letting you know which ones I like more than the others or what I like about each one.

Let the Madness Begin!

2007-12-12T17:47:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I have written...I seem to want to do everything else at night besides write on a blog (oh and grade papers...I REALLY need to grade papers!)

I spent most of the weekend Christmas shopping! I was ready to kill people by the time I made it to Target. The traffic on Virginia St. was RIDICULOUS!! It took 25 minutes to get from the Peppermill down to the mall! YUCK. Add to that the idiots that can't drive in the snow and you have a pissed off afternoon in the making. We got shopping done for my nephew...we are going to get Dave's nephew a few more little things and then my niece. Adult wise we have nothing done! I do however have Dave done which is nice. Now I just need to get him out of the house so I can wrap the stuff.

Tomorrow I am going to try on wedding dresses! YAY...I think! I'm not exactly super excited to be doing this. I know I need to start looking because I know I am going to be really picky. And I know they need a lot of time to order it and make alterations and clearly I am going to be a skinny hot mama by my wedding...think skinnier! My dad was all stressed that I was going to buy this tomorrow and what if I gained 10 lbs or lost 10 lbs (he said that to save face!)...so I had to explain that I was just looking tomorrow. I really want to figure out my bridesmaids dresses because my friend Shasta is coming up in January and I want to be able to show her things that I have picked out because we are having a wedding planning weekend together! But finding a dress has been the last thing on my mind and I"m not sure why. Were all you married gals excited to find your dresses or no? Either way...I will post pictures tomorrow night so you can all see some differnet styles and give me your thoughts!

Wedding Planning Update

2007-11-29T12:53:00.000-08:00

Jen is feeling very neglected and wanted to know where the fook I was!! So I figured I better write because she is going to have that baby soon and then she won't be able to read all my posts and comments and I will be very sad!!!

Church Stuff:
We went and took our focus inventory on Tuesday at the church. It was actually really interesting, but at the same time after I left I felt like I was going to come out like the bad Catholic and they were going to go um...you know you can't get married here. There were a lot of questions that were repeated or just worded differently. They covered having children, finances, in-laws, our sex life and pretty much every other aspect of being married. There were of course some church questions and I answered some the way I figured they wanted them answered and then I answered some the way I really felt...hence why I will be the bad catholic girl that they will want to shun. The lady took my test and since I was done before Dave I said "but on the back it says we are supposed to go over our statements before we go to the marriage therapist." She never knew the test booklet said that and so I asked if we could and she said yes. Hello I was going to make sure Dave answered all the questions right haha!! So it was interesting and I did feel a bit like she was not real keen on the idea that we live together and we aren't married, but Fr. Tony didn't seen to have a problem with it so...she doesn't count over him haha!

DJ:
We met our DJ last night. He was really relaxed and seemed really prepared. He told us that he likes to be involved in the planning of the reception because that is his job...he's the professional and I was all about help because I don't know how it's supposed to go. He answered all of our questions and seems like he is going to be a lot of fun at the reception. I am really looking forward to working with him. He was also giving us ways to save money saying that most people don't do the champange toasts anymore because no one like champange and it's spendy. He was telling us about a drink in hand toast where everyone just makes sure they have a drink and he said we could save about $2-300! He also said we should check out Scolari's for flowers. He said they are the only grocery store that actually has a licensed florist and they do beautiful work. He said we would also pay about half the price of a florist. I know Shannon did hers through Costco (at least I think that's what she told me) but she was also creative enough to put them together...me not so much! So I'm really excited to work with him and have him help us with some of the planning. I feel like I have him as a wedding coordinator and then Tonya at Boomtown is like a wedding coordinator too! Sweet!

Other than wedding stuff not much is going on. I did all my Christmas cards already...we just did a photo Christmas card. It's the first time I've done those and they turned out really cute...plus hello no writing other than addresses. I got them all done last night in like 30 minutes!

If I can think of anything else to write about today I promise Jen I will! I do still have to write about the award Stephanie gave me and she also tagged me for something. So I will work on that tonight after I write out bills YUCK!