So I haven't posted in like a week on here because I've been so busy over on the Tuesday Tummy Tuck blog. So therefore I have been neglecting this wonderful blog!
Dave got home Monday night...yes that's right I said MONDAY! They were supposed to come on home Tuesday and I figured he wouldn't get home early so I was admittedly a little bummed. Monday night at about midnight my cell phone goes off because I have a text. I remember looking over thinking gosh I just wish that was Dave! I open it up in my half sleepy state and is says "How much do you miss me?" WAIT OH MY GOSH DID THAT REALLY SAY FROM DAVE?? I said um hello a ton and where are you...I was hoping that if he was in Fernley he would drive home even though that was really selfish of me considering that it was midnight and they had already driven forever. His response was I'm at the door! What a great surprise...I told him he was lucky...if I wouldn't have heard my phone and he would have walked in I would have been scared shitless!
In other boring news...I had my evaluation yesterday. I have always had good evaluations but this year I was nervous. Not nervous because I was questioning my ability to teach. Just nervous because I felt like this was my first real observation. My old principal dozed off during the observations and my old VP never really cared and just said oh you are doing fine. But my new principal, who I do adore, has never observed me. We had to fill out paper work and get all this stuff ready for him. You know like a real honest to god observation! Anyway he came in and was really impressed with my teaching. He said that my kids and I had a good rapport together and that I did a good job of involving all of my students. This made me feel good because making sure I call on all of my students always is something that I concentrate on. To sum up the whole day he said and yes I quote (and toot my horn all in one sentence) "Watching you teach today was the highlight of my day!" Yeah I rock I know!
7 days until we leave for Disneyland! I am so beyond excited I can't even begin to tell you. I have a good feeling like something is actually going to happen but I could still be wrong. I told Dave that I joined the Tuesday Tummy Tuck blog in order to lose some pounds. I said then I will be all ready to get into a wedding dress if you ever propose...he said you think so huh with a little smirk! And he has been way lovey (yeah probably because he's been gone a week) so I'm hoping. Otherwise as Jen said he will definitely be a Cromagnon Man!!
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Freaking out a little less
After I wrote my post yesterday about Freaking Out, I freaked out that I had even written it. I mean if I put it in writing then it must be true!! After listening to Chrissy and Jen I have decided that I'm ok with a little flirting and a little crushing. It's normal to find things appealing about the opposite sex whether it be their physical appearance or their personality. It's healthy to still want others to find you attractive or enjoy your company and want to be around you. It becomes unhealthy when you cross the line physically or become too emotionally invested in the person. Since I already know that physically, as in the bedroom, there is nothing there then I have nothing to worry about. As Jen's husband put it..."I don't care where you get your appetite as long as you come home to eat!" I liked his analogy and I told Jen I was stealing it! Oh and thanks Jen for all the awesome advice!
Our other friend Christine called tonight and she said you know he's totally got a crush on you. I was overwhelmed with the freaked out feelings like everyone knows this and I'm apparently the one that was clueless to start with. I was rushed with feelings like people actually think we have something going on and that's not true. But then I just told her...apparently we enjoy each other's company, we fill some void for each other and as long as I eat at my own house I'm fine!! Of course I had to explain where the hell this random comment came from but hey it works for me.
So I feel a little better today about the whole thing. He took me to my car after school (I had the oil and stuff all changed before our trip) and then tomorrow I have to pick him up because he is having his car worked on. I made sure his wife was aware of BOTH situations and she was cool this time. So that also made me feel better.
Our other friend Christine called tonight and she said you know he's totally got a crush on you. I was overwhelmed with the freaked out feelings like everyone knows this and I'm apparently the one that was clueless to start with. I was rushed with feelings like people actually think we have something going on and that's not true. But then I just told her...apparently we enjoy each other's company, we fill some void for each other and as long as I eat at my own house I'm fine!! Of course I had to explain where the hell this random comment came from but hey it works for me.
So I feel a little better today about the whole thing. He took me to my car after school (I had the oil and stuff all changed before our trip) and then tomorrow I have to pick him up because he is having his car worked on. I made sure his wife was aware of BOTH situations and she was cool this time. So that also made me feel better.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Ok Jen
You should be entertained and busy at least for a few hours...the comments you will have to respond with will take you a while to give good advice and you have three long blogs to read. That should keep you busy for a few hours and then tomorrow you will have more new blogs! But right now I'm off to watch Private Practice becuase I"m pretty much a Grey's Anatomy/new spin off show addict!
Cross your fingers and all other lucky charms!
We leave for Disneyland in two weeks...this time in two weeks we will be in California! Chrissy and her husband are going down there with us. We planned this as a little birthday treat for Dave because he loves Halloween and his birthday is tomorrow. So the four of us thought it will be fun to go down there and do Disneyland and Knotts SCARY Farm (not sure I will like that because I HATE to be scared but I''ll suck it up for the other three that are going to enjoy it!). I'm excited for a vacation but I'm more anxious than anything and here's why:
I think (hope/pray) that Dave is going to propose while we are there! Here's why I think that: He told me so! Ok let me explain...a while back my friend Christine (not Chrissy) said that if she was me she wouldn't still be with Dave...she alluded to the fact that he is not worth waiting for and that he should have already made that kind of a committment. Well obviously I don't agree or I wouldn't still be dating him. I do think he is more than worth the wait and I know that we will be married so I've been ok about the whole thing. Anyway, her comment just hurt my feelers on that particular day and I came home and made the mistake of telling him about our conversation. This BLEW UP!!!! He basically had nothing nice to say about her...he was mad that I was letting my friends influence what I thought (he neglected to hear that I did NOT AGREE WITH HER!!!!!!!!) and basically just blew up at me. We got into a huge fight and I was trying to explain that I was just making the comment not agreeing or looking for info from him. In this process of losing his cool, he said and I quote! "Do you want to know when I was going to propose...do you?!@?!?!?!?!" Of course I said NO! Begging him not to tell me this because while I am fine knowing that it is coming I want no further details as to when/where/how. Well being that he was mad at HER he ruined MY proposal. He told me that he wanted to do it in Disneyland with both of our families there. TIME OUT! I don't want our families there...if it's Chrissy and Eric with us fine...but not all of our families no thank you! TIME IN! I was livid...why did he have to ruin that for me when he was mad at her?? I pointed out that if this is what he wanted then he should have been more active about getting Chrissy and Eric not to go (or go if he didn't care if they were there) and that if it was to be a surprise he needed to get the families to go and not tell me...clearly he couldn't leave the planning to me because I wouldn't know about a surprise so I wouldn't know to invite our gosh damn families! Anyway...I dropped it from that point on. I told him that I was going to be upset because I want the proposal that he had originally planned of course I wouldn't get it becuase now I knew about it. So I dropped it...I played dumb (not that he is dumb and thinks I don't remember) like I forgot all about him ever saying that. Ready for the irony of this situation? My sister and her family are going the same time as us now. Not becuase he called and said hey go so i can propose no no! Because they had to postpone their trip because my neice broke her leg! So if you are following this all...his little plan is just going to fall into place...right into his lap without him doing any work for it. His mom has called and wanted to know when we were going becuase they were going in November...hmmmm really! Now they might also be going the same time!
Here's my thoughts: Either he just said that at the time to hurt my feelings because he was made at Christine or that was really his plan. If it was his plan, I really hope he goes through with it because I want the proposal that he originally had planned not something new. If he just said it to hurt my feelings, I will be upset because how rude to do that! So those could be the reasons why he wouldn't propose, thus upsetting me. My other thought...my plan worked and he goes through with it (this could be my nerves about it actually happening or thinking that it might causing me to have the freak out crush from the previous blog), thus making me happy! Honestly I don't think he will do...because I have an idea so he won't go through with it. I would truly be surprised if he did it because while I have an idea I'm not expecting it because he knows I know (make sense?) But he keeps saying how excited he is to go to Disneyland and he has been super lovely the past few weeks (hence the happy couple...why am I freaking out again). Either way...
CROSS YOUR FINGERS AND ALL OTHER LUCKY CHARMS FOR ME! Update to obviously follow. What do you all think...pick it all apart and tell me how much I'm reading into apparently everything in life right now! :)
I think (hope/pray) that Dave is going to propose while we are there! Here's why I think that: He told me so! Ok let me explain...a while back my friend Christine (not Chrissy) said that if she was me she wouldn't still be with Dave...she alluded to the fact that he is not worth waiting for and that he should have already made that kind of a committment. Well obviously I don't agree or I wouldn't still be dating him. I do think he is more than worth the wait and I know that we will be married so I've been ok about the whole thing. Anyway, her comment just hurt my feelers on that particular day and I came home and made the mistake of telling him about our conversation. This BLEW UP!!!! He basically had nothing nice to say about her...he was mad that I was letting my friends influence what I thought (he neglected to hear that I did NOT AGREE WITH HER!!!!!!!!) and basically just blew up at me. We got into a huge fight and I was trying to explain that I was just making the comment not agreeing or looking for info from him. In this process of losing his cool, he said and I quote! "Do you want to know when I was going to propose...do you?!@?!?!?!?!" Of course I said NO! Begging him not to tell me this because while I am fine knowing that it is coming I want no further details as to when/where/how. Well being that he was mad at HER he ruined MY proposal. He told me that he wanted to do it in Disneyland with both of our families there. TIME OUT! I don't want our families there...if it's Chrissy and Eric with us fine...but not all of our families no thank you! TIME IN! I was livid...why did he have to ruin that for me when he was mad at her?? I pointed out that if this is what he wanted then he should have been more active about getting Chrissy and Eric not to go (or go if he didn't care if they were there) and that if it was to be a surprise he needed to get the families to go and not tell me...clearly he couldn't leave the planning to me because I wouldn't know about a surprise so I wouldn't know to invite our gosh damn families! Anyway...I dropped it from that point on. I told him that I was going to be upset because I want the proposal that he had originally planned of course I wouldn't get it becuase now I knew about it. So I dropped it...I played dumb (not that he is dumb and thinks I don't remember) like I forgot all about him ever saying that. Ready for the irony of this situation? My sister and her family are going the same time as us now. Not becuase he called and said hey go so i can propose no no! Because they had to postpone their trip because my neice broke her leg! So if you are following this all...his little plan is just going to fall into place...right into his lap without him doing any work for it. His mom has called and wanted to know when we were going becuase they were going in November...hmmmm really! Now they might also be going the same time!
Here's my thoughts: Either he just said that at the time to hurt my feelings because he was made at Christine or that was really his plan. If it was his plan, I really hope he goes through with it because I want the proposal that he originally had planned not something new. If he just said it to hurt my feelings, I will be upset because how rude to do that! So those could be the reasons why he wouldn't propose, thus upsetting me. My other thought...my plan worked and he goes through with it (this could be my nerves about it actually happening or thinking that it might causing me to have the freak out crush from the previous blog), thus making me happy! Honestly I don't think he will do...because I have an idea so he won't go through with it. I would truly be surprised if he did it because while I have an idea I'm not expecting it because he knows I know (make sense?) But he keeps saying how excited he is to go to Disneyland and he has been super lovely the past few weeks (hence the happy couple...why am I freaking out again). Either way...
CROSS YOUR FINGERS AND ALL OTHER LUCKY CHARMS FOR ME! Update to obviously follow. What do you all think...pick it all apart and tell me how much I'm reading into apparently everything in life right now! :)
Darkness
Since Dave is out of town I am obviously staying by myself...this means that I must turn on my OCD about the dark and have a fit about every single noise that I hear. Last week Quincy got out of his kennel somehow and tore up the house...like ripped down three sets of blinds and ruined them! Broke plates, trashed the bathroom, cleared the kitchen counters...you get the picture. So I have a huge freaking window with no blinds on it while Dave is gone! I do not like this...the computer sits right next to it (it's a sliding glass door) and I am having a hell of a time sitting here next to the dark open window typing becuase I am just positive that I am going to turn around and some man is going to be standing there looking at me...yes having a slight panic attack as we speak!
My alone in the dark OCD is so bad that when Dave said well honey just make sure the bar is down and the door is locked that I looked at him like he was speaking Chinese to me. I lock every door when he isn't here including the bedroom door! I lock myself in so that no one can get me! I have resorted to putting a blanket up the best I can so that no one can see in my window...did I mention that the window is in the backyard surrounded by a fence and no one can see into it...YEAH I DON'T CARE! I still freak out about it because I hate the dark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyone want to have a slumber party??
My alone in the dark OCD is so bad that when Dave said well honey just make sure the bar is down and the door is locked that I looked at him like he was speaking Chinese to me. I lock every door when he isn't here including the bedroom door! I lock myself in so that no one can get me! I have resorted to putting a blanket up the best I can so that no one can see in my window...did I mention that the window is in the backyard surrounded by a fence and no one can see into it...YEAH I DON'T CARE! I still freak out about it because I hate the dark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyone want to have a slumber party??
Freaking Out!
I'm not even sure that I want to write this post but I am seriously freaking the fuck out for a lack of a better way of putting it. Before I start writing let me make myself clear...you must read to the end or this post won't make sense...and no judging me!
My first question is: Is it ok to have a little crush if you are perfectly happy at home? Do the married women find themselves having little crushes or is this something that is just happening to me? Let me start by saying that I am very very VERY happy with Dave. We haven't had a fight or even a slight argument in a very long time (and yes I'm surprised because I am an argumentative person), the past two weekends have been an absolute blast together, we are going to Disneyland in two weeks (see next blog!) and things are literally perfect. So this is why I am freaking out about a little crush for lack of something better to call it.
I work with a guy who is just the sweetest. I'm pretty sure I have blogged about him before when I wrote about his wife (yes he's married!) freaking out about me giving him a ride. Anyway to make a very long story shorter...we flirt. I have come to terms with this...we call each other our school husband/wife becuase we are constantly doing things for each other and helping each other out. It all started three years ago when he gave me this ring pop ring as a joke and since then we have called each other school husband and wife. Totally a joke have NEVER thought anything about it. Then the whole ride thing happens and I don't get why the wife flips out...then my friend says maybe he has a thing for you and I say "What are you retarded? He's clearly MARRIED!!!!!!" This year things have just seemed to be even more where we do everything together. Again I reiterate that I am happy, he seems to be happy (I don't ask because it's a pointless subject) but suddenly I find myself actually wondering what the hell he is doing...as in right now as I write this! I find myself getting annoyed if he doesn't come in my room anymore and say good morning like he does EVERY SINGLE MORNING! I find myself reading into all of the little jokes he cracks that he has cracked for the past three years but suddenly I feel like they need to be read into. I find myself trying to spend more time with him. We have all (like about 10 teachers) been going across the street after school on Fridays to have a drink and he has been going (he would have never gone last year). Then Friday night he called and said that if anyone asked he was at a meeting...by anyone asking I'm assuming the wife! UH HELLO What does that mean???????????? I honestly think it was at that moment that I freaked out.
I am freaking out because I am happy. No guy has ever swayed me from Dave...when I dated Jonathan I was easily swayed or tempted. This has not happened with Dave...I haven't ever been tempted to want to do something or ponder someone for so long. Yes I can look at a guy and say oh he's good looking or whatever but never actually ponder the thought of him. And it's not like I'm being tempted into wanting to actually do something with this guy...that thought hasn't crossed my mind. Part of me thinks it's because I can see what a great guy he is and I think his wife way doesn't appreciate him. He's a good husband (another reason why I'm freaking out because hello it's not like he has come onto me or anything and here I am reading into stuff) he helps out all the time it's not like their relationship is one sided and yet I feel like she's just not right for him (as if that's my choice/decision to make!) So back to the freaking out...if I am happy why am I wondering about him? I miss Dave already but then I go to school and it's like oh but wait I have this guy to hang out with...Why is it that he is coming into my mind so much...why am I being bothered by the things he now says and why am I reading into every single comment? Today he could tell I was bothered and I'm getting bitchy at him like he's doing something wrong when he CLEARLY has done nothing wrong! Why be bitchy at him? Because I think he needs a better wife and I am now crushing on him, yet I don't want to date him? Yeah that makes perfect freaking sense! Because that's the other thing (starting to ramble I am aware) when I was with Jon I could see myself being with other guys...I knew in my heart that he wasn't the one for me but I stayed with him becuase it was comfortable and at the time I needed stability not happiness persay. But never with Dave have I felt that even now...the only way I could explain my attraction to him(the guy at my work) is this: I could make out with him but I can't see sleeping with him, dating him or anything else. It would be like ok let's kiss and then I'm done...so it's not like I'm all THAT attracted to him (holy shit if you understand that sentence amen to you!) I know that Dave is the person that I want to marry and I smile at him just becuase he's that damn cute to me...so if this is all the case WHAT THE HELL IS MY MIND FUCKING WITH ME FOR?????????????
I talked to Chrissy last night and she said that for him my friendship must fill a void that he doesn't get with his wife (when I thought of it like that I felt much better...much less of a piece of crap for wanting him to not be married to her anymore). She's not an overly friendly person and he is...so I must fill that outgoing void. But what is it that I'm missing that I am feeling a void that he seems to be filling? Is it just that I enjoy that someone is finding my personality or me attractive and is flirting with me? Everyone enjoys flirting! Or is it just normal to have a little crush...not one that you want to act on...but one you just want to daydream about? Make sense...yeah it doesn't to me either...HENCE THE FREAKING OUT!
The reason I said read to the end was because I want to make sure you all understand that I am in no way acting on this...or thinking or ruining what I have...or being a homewrecker to him...I am happy...just annoyed and confused that I am even sitting here writing a blog about feelings that I shouldn't be having!
My first question is: Is it ok to have a little crush if you are perfectly happy at home? Do the married women find themselves having little crushes or is this something that is just happening to me? Let me start by saying that I am very very VERY happy with Dave. We haven't had a fight or even a slight argument in a very long time (and yes I'm surprised because I am an argumentative person), the past two weekends have been an absolute blast together, we are going to Disneyland in two weeks (see next blog!) and things are literally perfect. So this is why I am freaking out about a little crush for lack of something better to call it.
I work with a guy who is just the sweetest. I'm pretty sure I have blogged about him before when I wrote about his wife (yes he's married!) freaking out about me giving him a ride. Anyway to make a very long story shorter...we flirt. I have come to terms with this...we call each other our school husband/wife becuase we are constantly doing things for each other and helping each other out. It all started three years ago when he gave me this ring pop ring as a joke and since then we have called each other school husband and wife. Totally a joke have NEVER thought anything about it. Then the whole ride thing happens and I don't get why the wife flips out...then my friend says maybe he has a thing for you and I say "What are you retarded? He's clearly MARRIED!!!!!!" This year things have just seemed to be even more where we do everything together. Again I reiterate that I am happy, he seems to be happy (I don't ask because it's a pointless subject) but suddenly I find myself actually wondering what the hell he is doing...as in right now as I write this! I find myself getting annoyed if he doesn't come in my room anymore and say good morning like he does EVERY SINGLE MORNING! I find myself reading into all of the little jokes he cracks that he has cracked for the past three years but suddenly I feel like they need to be read into. I find myself trying to spend more time with him. We have all (like about 10 teachers) been going across the street after school on Fridays to have a drink and he has been going (he would have never gone last year). Then Friday night he called and said that if anyone asked he was at a meeting...by anyone asking I'm assuming the wife! UH HELLO What does that mean???????????? I honestly think it was at that moment that I freaked out.
I am freaking out because I am happy. No guy has ever swayed me from Dave...when I dated Jonathan I was easily swayed or tempted. This has not happened with Dave...I haven't ever been tempted to want to do something or ponder someone for so long. Yes I can look at a guy and say oh he's good looking or whatever but never actually ponder the thought of him. And it's not like I'm being tempted into wanting to actually do something with this guy...that thought hasn't crossed my mind. Part of me thinks it's because I can see what a great guy he is and I think his wife way doesn't appreciate him. He's a good husband (another reason why I'm freaking out because hello it's not like he has come onto me or anything and here I am reading into stuff) he helps out all the time it's not like their relationship is one sided and yet I feel like she's just not right for him (as if that's my choice/decision to make!) So back to the freaking out...if I am happy why am I wondering about him? I miss Dave already but then I go to school and it's like oh but wait I have this guy to hang out with...Why is it that he is coming into my mind so much...why am I being bothered by the things he now says and why am I reading into every single comment? Today he could tell I was bothered and I'm getting bitchy at him like he's doing something wrong when he CLEARLY has done nothing wrong! Why be bitchy at him? Because I think he needs a better wife and I am now crushing on him, yet I don't want to date him? Yeah that makes perfect freaking sense! Because that's the other thing (starting to ramble I am aware) when I was with Jon I could see myself being with other guys...I knew in my heart that he wasn't the one for me but I stayed with him becuase it was comfortable and at the time I needed stability not happiness persay. But never with Dave have I felt that even now...the only way I could explain my attraction to him(the guy at my work) is this: I could make out with him but I can't see sleeping with him, dating him or anything else. It would be like ok let's kiss and then I'm done...so it's not like I'm all THAT attracted to him (holy shit if you understand that sentence amen to you!) I know that Dave is the person that I want to marry and I smile at him just becuase he's that damn cute to me...so if this is all the case WHAT THE HELL IS MY MIND FUCKING WITH ME FOR?????????????
I talked to Chrissy last night and she said that for him my friendship must fill a void that he doesn't get with his wife (when I thought of it like that I felt much better...much less of a piece of crap for wanting him to not be married to her anymore). She's not an overly friendly person and he is...so I must fill that outgoing void. But what is it that I'm missing that I am feeling a void that he seems to be filling? Is it just that I enjoy that someone is finding my personality or me attractive and is flirting with me? Everyone enjoys flirting! Or is it just normal to have a little crush...not one that you want to act on...but one you just want to daydream about? Make sense...yeah it doesn't to me either...HENCE THE FREAKING OUT!
The reason I said read to the end was because I want to make sure you all understand that I am in no way acting on this...or thinking or ruining what I have...or being a homewrecker to him...I am happy...just annoyed and confused that I am even sitting here writing a blog about feelings that I shouldn't be having!
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Blogging for Jen!
Alright Jen I'm not really blogging for you, but I finally have time and I have lots to write about. The problem now is that I have so much to write about I don't even know where to start organizing any of my thoughts to get them down! But I will be writing this week so you will have plenty to be reading!
Dave left this morning for his week long hunting trip. This is probably why I feel like I actually have some time to catch up on blogging. As I said before I just hate coming home from doing school stuff on the computer to sit in front of this computer and write. I feel like I get to spend no time with him so I have been cutting back and trying to blog before he gets home (which he has beat me home every single day for the past two weeks!) or doing it on the weekends. Either way I can catch up now!
For once I finally get the "alone time" factor. I am bummed that Dave isn't going to be here for a week, especially since Thursday is his birthday, but at the same time I am looking forward to it. I'm going to spend a little more time in the classroom and get caught up and get ahead on a few things so that I won't feel so overwhelmed at school. I bought a book that I want to read. I can probably finish that before he gets home. And I think that I am going to go out with a few girls this weekend and that should be a pretty good time. So I guess I'm happy for the alone time so that I can get this stuff done and not feel like I have to put it off so that I can actually hang out with him. Geez you would think we didn't live together!
I definitely have more to write and I will get them up here tomorrow. I started this one earlier tonight and then had to run errands. I made sure to finish this boring blog just for you Jen...then you can read the interesting stuff tomorrow haha!
Dave left this morning for his week long hunting trip. This is probably why I feel like I actually have some time to catch up on blogging. As I said before I just hate coming home from doing school stuff on the computer to sit in front of this computer and write. I feel like I get to spend no time with him so I have been cutting back and trying to blog before he gets home (which he has beat me home every single day for the past two weeks!) or doing it on the weekends. Either way I can catch up now!
For once I finally get the "alone time" factor. I am bummed that Dave isn't going to be here for a week, especially since Thursday is his birthday, but at the same time I am looking forward to it. I'm going to spend a little more time in the classroom and get caught up and get ahead on a few things so that I won't feel so overwhelmed at school. I bought a book that I want to read. I can probably finish that before he gets home. And I think that I am going to go out with a few girls this weekend and that should be a pretty good time. So I guess I'm happy for the alone time so that I can get this stuff done and not feel like I have to put it off so that I can actually hang out with him. Geez you would think we didn't live together!
I definitely have more to write and I will get them up here tomorrow. I started this one earlier tonight and then had to run errands. I made sure to finish this boring blog just for you Jen...then you can read the interesting stuff tomorrow haha!
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