Sunday, March 30, 2008

Hell Hath Froze

I'm not even sure how to begin such a blog...most of you are going to go NO WAY HE DID NOT!!!! But he did ladies...he really did.

Dave went to the store and bought me tampons!!!

We needed a few things for dinner and he was the one to go to the store. I said you wouldn't pick me up tampons would you? Of course he looked at me like I was a completely retarded creature and said "uh no". Ok didn't think so but I thought it was worth a shot. I went in to pee. He came in and said "honey I don't like to buy toilet paper for gosh sakes...what makes you think I would buy tampons?" (He also won't buy his own underwear don't ask me why) I responded that I just didn't think it was a big deal, but not to worry about it. Just forget it I'll get them tomorrow. He stared at me with those eyes like he really wanted to be nice and get them for me, but he couldn't sacrafice his manliness to do so.

He came home and I was in the midst of cooking what I could with what was here. He unloaded the bags and just kept handing me the things I was asking for. I never turned around and he didn't say a word. When I was all finished I turned around to see this lovely blue box sitting on the counter. I said "WOW HONEY YOU ACTUALLY GOT THEM!" His reply: Don't ever say I don't do anything for you again...especially not for a long time! Then he waited for the approval...did he get the right ones?

I polietly smiled and said they were right and he instantly knew I was lying! He said I grabbed the pink ones I thought you had the pink ones. I tried to explain to him that yes I used to use the pink tampax tampons when I had really light periods (when I was on birth control), but ever since I stopped I had gone back to the regular yellow ones. I said that now that I was back on birth control that these ones would be just fine because hopefully my periods would be lighter.
Was I to break his heart and tell him they were the wrong ones and that I really wanted the other ones so I wasn't in the bathroom every hour changing them for fear of bleeding to death?


It was very nice of him to get them for me and I really appreciated it. I asked him if it was really that bad and he said yes...I walked around the store forever! Good call...prolong the trip by carrying the box around the store with you forever while you get up the courage to just buy the damn things!

Either way beware...hell may have froze today with this purchase!

Monday, March 17, 2008


I have been slacking on blogging I know...bad blogger! I'm doing my best to catch you all up a little tonight.
Wyoming was wonderful. I would probably live there in a heartbeat. It was the first time that we were on vacation that I didn't wonder about my school, or my friends here. I just enjoyed my time and actually felt sad when we left to come home. Everyone up there made me feel right at home and it was wonderful to meet them all.
We stayed with Gabe and Bri...they have a daughter, Lexi, and then Bri's daughter, Kelsey. They are such adorable girls! They call call Dave "Cracker" because he was the only white guy they hung out with...they are all mexican (although you can't really tell because they are pretty white mexicans!). Lexi only calls him cracker too so I had to laugh everytime she would go Kra-ker to call his name. The day we went to Fort Collins, Kelsey decided that I should be cheese because Crackers and Cheese go together. There you go, I left with a new nickname too!
Saturday night was a ton of fun. They had a party for us and then we all went out. Gabe had been telling me that I couldn't hang drinking with the big boys and that the elevation would kill me if I tried (it's like 7100 ft up there!). Well I don't back down to a challenge...just kidding but I did pace myself and show them that I could hang with the big boys. I think we ended up going to bed around 7am that next morning...a very good time had by all I must say. I was able to meet all the friends this night and our best man Bubba...ok his name is Brian, but I rarely hear him called that! It's always Bubba. Let me tell you...I am thrilled to know that Gabe and Bubba are in our wedding. It makes me feel better knowing how much the love Dave and how good of friends they are. They got along great with me and I really like them. It's probably why I felt so at home with them up there!
Then we went to Fort Collins on Monday because there were a few restaurants that Dave wanted to eat at. We did a little shopping and just looked around town. Then it was back home to hang out with more friends again. We went to see Bubba and his wife...they are expecting their first child and she is due like anytime. She is actually trying to hold the baby it's ok to deliver but she has been in labor for 2 months! It was nice to sit and visit with them too.
I have tons of pictures and I would love to put them up but I so hate loading pictures on here...but ok I love pictures too much and must share just a few. Most of you that read here are on my myspace and there are tons of pictures on there!

Gabe and Bri

"Cheese" Lexi and "Cracker"

The boys: Dave, Gabe, Greg and Bubba

Jolene, Gabe and Me...breakfast at 3am after many drinks...yes I thought W.S.Y.A.M (Would Shannon Yell at Me) but then I thought yes she would but she would also be very proud of the 50 billion other important changes I made on this trip and she would let this one slide!

Bubba had to cheers the engaged couple and tell us how much he loved us and how happy he was for us and all that other drunk mushy gushy stuff!

Dress up on Sunday: I forgot to tell you about this while the boys were sleeping off their hangovers, we girls played dress up! Could Lexi seriously get any cuter with her boa? I think not!

I also forgot to tell you we went ice skating on Tuesday. It was lots of fun and we pretty much had the rink to ourselves.

Cheers at the Library: Seriously it's a bar called the Library and they sell shirts that say don't lie to your mom, tell her your at the Library!

Gabe, Bubba and Dave...the boys in our wedding!

Chapter 15: My World Unravels

July 26, 2004 was quite possibly one of the worst days of my life. It was the day my mom died. I've told the story before on the 3 year anniversary of her death. No need for more tears today...I said my mom died you get that it was a sad day...nuff said!

As soon as I watched her take her last breath, and watched my dad break into tears into the arms of his friend, I was out of there. That scene was just a bit too much for me to handle at the moment. My sister literally ran in the door as I came around the corner...missing my mom by less than 5 minutes. The most heart wrenching site was my nephew carrying a huge poster board that said we love you Grammy on it...wait didn't I say no tears...OK then moving on!

There was only one person that I wanted to call. Dave. He was in Arizona and wouldn't be back until my birthday, 5 days later. We had made a deal when I dropped him off at the airport...I would only call him if something really bad happened, as in her death, and he swore he would actually answer. You see in the days before her death, he and I had lengthy conversations on the phone. He tried to do his best to comfort me but really he didn't know what to say. So we agreed that I would only call if she died and he would answer because he knew that I would need him. We both held true to our deal and his little brother actually answered the phone. I remember Robert saying, it's a girl and she's crying and Dave said he immediately knew who it was and what had happened. I don't really remember what we said on the phone...I cried and I don't think he really said much. I told him that I would still pick him up at the airport that Sunday because at that point, that was the only thing that seemed normal to me. It was the only way I could see out of this hell that I was suddenly in. If I picked him up at the airport like planned, everything would be better and everything would go on. That was where I had to start from...or in some warped way that's what I thought.

After I talked to him, I called the shop where he works. Steve's dad owned the shop and I let him know what had happened. He was great and very caring. The next thing I knew I was on my way to pick out the plot at the cemetery for my mom's burial. Next stop, the funeral home to buy a casket and plan her funeral. All I could think of was my friends and how they were the only thing that seemed normal at the moment for me...the only things that were going to bring me out of this hell.

And for the most part they were. I talked to all my friends. Teela worked 4 tens so she could have Friday off and attend the funeral. Remember how I only met her a month before. Monica, Eric and her all came together. Shasta and Julie, my two childhood friends, were both at my house within the next few days so we could sit in my bathroom and talk. This was the room that had helped us through lost pets, broken hearts from our boyfriends, and many other traumatic things in our lives. Don't ask, my bathroom was just a good room for these things. I will never forget the moment Aaron walked into my house and wrapped me up in a big hug that made everything disappear for a moment. Some of these were friends that I saw everyday and some of these were friends that I had known all my life but were there for me when I needed them most. Do you notice anyone missing from this list...that's right Steve.

You see as if our friendship hadn't unraveled enough right after graduation, this was the sealing moment that showed me what kind of a friend he was. You see, Steve never called me at all. He was up at a football camp in Quincy California and clearly he was busy. Now some of you might say that he didn't call because he just didn't know what to say. While there is a chance that is true, it's not something that I believe because I know how he is. Plus I heard the excuses...oh my cell phone didn't work. Call collect if you have to...not an OK excuse try again. There weren't any other phones to call from. What am I an idiot? Not to mention that he called his 18 year old girlfriend every freaking day...keep the lies coming! No matter the reason, I was hurt. Crushed that the one person that I was the closest to at that point in my life, or so I thought, had completely let me down. He ended up calling on my birthday to wish me a happy birthday and then he had the audacity to act like it was just another day...I do remember him briefly asking me how I was doing and stuff but not like a good friend would do. His mom even called me the night my mom died to let me know that she had called the school and left a message with the coach for Steve...Steve's family sent flowers and the shop where Dave and Steve worked sent flowers. But not a call from Steve.

I still struggle with this today. I have a hard time knowing that Steve is in our wedding, but wasn't always the best friend like I thought he was. I can forgive (although I'm not positive that I have completely) but I won't forget. And it makes me wonder...when he stands up for us, is he truly happy for us or is he just there because Dave asked him and it makes him feel important to be in a wedding? This is something that I will probably have to address with him before I walk down that aisle because otherwise I may regret having him in our wedding. I know that Steve is the reason Dave and I met...had it not been for our friendship, I might never have met Dave. And I know that Steve and Dave were close like brothers and that together with the fact that Dave feels Steve is responsible for our meeting is the reason he is in our wedding. But for me, I have a hard time knowing that the person that I was inseperable from, the person that I did everything with 24/7 wasn't there for me when I needed him the most.

Definition of a mom

I find it very ironic that Shannon posted a blog today about when you really know your a mom. Because here I am posting this very blog about wondering what should be the definition of a mom. You know how kids that come from single moms and they say they have a father, the man that provided the sperm to give them life, and then they have a dad...the man that actually fulfilled the role and helped take care of them and raise them. See I can't say that I've ever thought this about a mom because I can't really think of an instance up until yesterday.

**Be forwarned this blog is going to be very mean**

Dave and I haven't talked to his mom for about 3 weeks. I find this odd, especially since we went on a week long trip. You see she always calls on trips to see if we made it to where we were going
and then she always calls to see if we made it home. Well she didn't do that this time and I thought it to be a little odd, but actually enjoyed not having 15 phone calls a day to see what we were doing. I asked Dave if he had talked to her and he said no. A few days passed and still no word from her. I find this very odd so I tell him I am going to call her.

I call her cell phone and I get no answer. I decide that I should text message his sister to see if his mom is at work. She informs me that she is sitting on the couch and she doesnt' know why she didn't answer her cell phone. OK WTF folks? Clearly the woman always wants to know what we are doing and now she won't answer the damn phone...something is going on! I ask Kayla if his mom is mad at us for some reason, I really can't see why one wouldn't answer the phone that is sitting right next to her. She says no, she doesn't know anything. When Dave told her that we were going to Wyoming for spring break she seemed a little surprised and a little bummed out. He said she didn't seem mad, but you could tell she was like oh, you're not coming here? So I thought maybe she actually was annoyed but whatever. Wyoming was way more fun! I decide that I will chance calling the house and hope that her husband doesn't answer. He just likes to ramble forever and not pass off the phone to the person you actually called.

She answers and I immediately say geez we haven't talked to you in forever. "Oh I know I was just thinking that I hadn't talked to you kids in a while" Yes but you did not pick up the phone and probably only thought that in your self absorbed state when you saw our number on caller id! Anywhoo...we make some small chit chat and she asks about the trip and how the boys were all doing. Then she starts telling me about her going out the night before and how she was still hungover. Hmm...and how her daughter had to take her to her jeep in the morning because she had to leave it wherever they were partying at. Ok...I'm sure the family is still in town...oh no they aren't you say. Ok then what the hell is she doing out on the town so drunk she has to leave her jeep somewhere? Well let me just tell you!

It appears that this lovely "mother" has been going out pretty much every weekend with her "friends". I laugh at this because it was always about her and Darrell, her husband. She always complained how they never went out with friends and how it was always them. He is kind of a homebody, and in her defense (don't expect much more of these) she is a more social person. She enjoys going out and doing things rather than sitting at home sleeping in a chair. Well apparently 3 weeks ago, right before the last time we talked to her, she went out and didn't get home till 8am! Again...who goes out like that when they are her age? She has been doing this pretty much every weekend. I tried to prod around if Darrell had been going with her, and I got a blunt NO. She could care less if what he does and where he is. Dave hears this and suddenly I can see him getting very annoyed and upset on the couch. Why? Because he knows what's coming next and I don't!

She proceeds to tell me that when she goes to New Port Oregon in August (meaning she can't come to any bachelorette parties, or bridal showers because I was informed she had more important things to do...yes those were her words) that he probably wasn't going with her because he would probably be in iraq by then. WAIT WHAT THE HELL DID SHE JUST SAY?? So he is taking a job in Iraq for a year and she could really care less...she doesn't care what he does! WOW WHAT A BOMBSHELL! And we knew nothing about this. Apparently he also put in for a job in Cheyenne Wyoming but she won't be going with him she said. It was a bit awkward because I didn't know what to say, but I could see Dave getting more and more mad. I decided to hang up with her because it was very awkward and then I wrote Kayla. We got on the computer and she filled me in even more!

The night that she went out till 8am, there was some guy that she was talking to. Do you all see where I'm going with this? YEP RIGHT DOWN HER PAST PATH OF SCREWING OVER HUSBANDS!!!! I guess she has been calling him and he won't answer and then he never calls her so at least maybe he isn't as much of a whore as she is! This is what she always does...instead of just owning up to Darrell that she isn't happy and she wants out, she decides to find someone else first and then Darrell gets to be the last to know! The morning that she came home at 8am, he told her to give him 2-3 months and he would be gone. AND HOW DID WE NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS!

Do I feel bad for her because she is unhappy? Yes I do...I don't think anyone should stay in a marriage that they are "miserable" in. Do I think that she goes about it in a way that is appropriate? OH HELL NO!! She is quite possibly the poster child for HOW NOT TO ACT IN A MARRIAGE! I have no respect for her because she constantly runs around on her husbands. I have to wonder if she does it the whole marriage or if she does it just at the very end when she is unhappy. I don't know...either way I saw a whole other side to Dave last night.

He was honestly disgusted by her. He was yelling because he wanted to know why he didn't have a normal mom? Why was she so trashy (yes his words) and how he couldn't stand that she did this always. When was she going to grow up and act like an adult and a plethera of other things! Now when I said these things before I am the big bitch...I get it though. It's like you are the only one that can talk crap about your family...if anyone else says the same thing they are rude. Ok but seriously what the hell is wrong with this woman!

That brings me back to my point of this blog (other than to vent this all out). How does she even call herself a mom? She has never been a great mom to her kids. I won't say she is horrible (although by my standards she is), but she isn't like super mom by any means. Her two boys that are in high school are living in Texas with their dad. Kids don't get taken away from their moms...they have to really screw up. She just let them go there because that was a more stable environment for them and that way she got a cut of the money. She didn't come for Dave's graduation...she never comes to see us. She only has been here once in the 4 years and that wasn't to just see us, that was to come to that wedding last summer. So why then would she assume that we would go there for spring break? She never goes to see the boys in Texas and only sees them in the summer and now she won't even do that because after last summer they refused to go down there. She doesn't pay child support for either of them. She isn't happy about our wedding and she isn't supportive of anything any of her kids do. So how does she call herself a mom? To me the only thing defining her as a mom right now is the fact that she gave birth to 4 kids!!!

To me a mom is someone that is there for you, wipes your tears, makes you laugh, is supportive of your decisions and is happy for you over the smallest things. That's what my mom did...that's the kinds of moms I see Shannon, Jen, Julia, and Shawna being. Moms that would do anything for their kids and would never send them to live with their dads so that they could get some of the 401K money. What makes me most sad is that now Dave doesn't really want her at our wedding. I know that is probably being said out of anger, but it makes me sad. I would give ANYTHING for my mom to be able to be here even if just for that one day. And here is his mom who has the chance to be a part of his very special day and she if fucking it up left and right! I wish they could switch places just for that day so my mom could be a part of it and Dave's mom could continue being her selfish self and not ruin our day. I have a hard time agreeing with him because as much as I do agree and think that it would be nicer for her not to be there, it would break my heart for him because I know what it's like to not have your mom there. At times I think he takes it for granted, but why wouldn't he...he has no idea what a "real mom" is like! I know later in life he might regret her not being there, but then I think maybe she is such a train wreck that he really truly doesn't care...and I can't imagine not having my mom be a part of my day because she was everything to me. I would never not want her there. But then all I know was a stable childhood with parents that loved me unconditionally. He knows nothing of that from his mom...his dad yes, his mom no.

Another thing that irritates me is how hard I had to work to prove to him that I wasn't like his make him forget all the bad things of marriage that he knows. The hurt, the lies, the cheating all of that. I made him forget, or at least I made him put it so far in the back of his mind that everything else blocks it out. I would like to call her and thank her for throwing that all right into his face and saying wait see marriage really is shit I can prove it and doing so 6 months before his damn wedding! Ugh she is such a selfish bitch!!!!!

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Something Old...Something Borrowed

In your wedding you are supposed to have something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue. Well fortunately for me, I already have two of those out of the way and they will probably mean the most to me in my wedding.
I've said before that Shannon and I are cousins. Technically, we are second cousins but I have never thought of her like a distant cousin because we are the same age so to me she was always just my cousin. Her mom is my cousin and my mom's neice.

My parents were married 42 years ago this September. When they got married, Anna (Shannon's mom) was their flower girl. Anna is also my godmother.

You must understand this about Anna...she is a pack rat. And not in a bad way either! She holds on to everything that has any kind of meaning to her. I think it must be a family trait that we all have because I too hold on to things. However, you can imagine my surprise when Shannon wrote me to tell me that Anna had hung on to the basket that she had carried at my mom's wedding 42 years ago.

Anna said that if I wanted, I could use the basket at my wedding because she knew it would mean a lot to me to have something from my mom. She has no idea exactly what that is going to mean to me. I know that for her to give me the basket was really hard because it was something that she had from her aunt and it meant something to her. But I am more than greatful that she is willing to share that piece with me and allow me to have something extra special be apart of my wedding.

Here are some pictures of the basket:

When Shannon emailed me the pictures I actually thought that it was a really big basket. As you can tell especially from this last picture, it's really really little. To give you an idea, it fits inside one of Dave's hats. Shannon had told Anna that I was going to paint it brown and she said she was ok with it. She agreed that it needed some paint (although she would have painted it white I to keep it the same I believe) but that it was something from my mom's wedding so it's ok that it looks older. When I went down to get the basket from her, I was shocked at how little it was. I told her again that I was going to paint it and you could see in her face that she really didn't want me to paint it, but she said it was ok. I just couldn't leave it not needed something you can see that 42 years has taken it's tole on it. I told Anna how much it meant to me although words really can't describe what it does mean to me.

I took it home with me the last time that we went to Winnemucca to show my sister because you can't see it that great in the pictures of my parents wedding where Anna is holding it. The more I thought about it and the more I talked about painting it, the less I wanted to do it. I got to thinking that if I painted it brown, that was somehow going to take away from what it was. My mom's was white, not brown and if I wanted it to be from my mom, it needed to stay as it was. I toyed with the idea and thought oh geez it's February, I have plenty of time. Well Allie, my niece who is going to be my flower girl, and I went to Wal-Mart. We decided to go look at some of the ribbon so we could make our basket pretty and we found the chocolate brown ribbon and two bows that were perfect for the sides. Her and I decided that we didn't want to paint it because we liked it just the way it was at Grammy's wedding. I know that this will make Anna very happy because it isn't being painted brown **

We brought it home and I made Dave start thinking of some ideas. He's pretty crafty like that and we decided that we would braid the ribbon around the handle and then wrap it around the little sides to add some color from our wedding, but keep the oldness of my mom's wedding. Here is how it turned out...

I think it turned out pretty good. Dave had the idea to braid the ribbon all the way from the bottom up the handle and then we decided to add the ribbon around the sides for a little more color. I know the bows are a little big for it but it's supposed to be a foofy flower girl basket so that's ok...they make it all nice and feminine. And I couldn't wait to see what it looked like with petals in it so I went and bought them tonight ( we are just using some silk ones) and they are so cute in there! It holds way more than what I thought!
Needless to say I am thrilled to have something old and something borrowed for me wedding that will mean a lot to me. THANKS SO VERY VERY MUCH ANNA!!!!
**I added these because as I was writing this post it occured to me that I could have painted it white so that it was the same color but at least all painted. After I decided I didnt' want to paint it brown, I forgot about painting it all together. Oh well where the paint is chipped off there are flowers to fill that area and you know what I like it just the way that 42 years made it...

Marriage Counseling

Shawna asked if we went to that counseling session just because or if it was for religious purposes...and Shawna you can ask me were in no way being nosey :)

We had to go because we are getting married at Our Lady of Snows Catholic Church. Apparently, this is the only church in Reno that has couples take this FOCUS inventory. The lady explained that about 8 years ago there was a different priest there that was noticing that people that were getting married in the church were coming in like 2 years later to get annulments because they didn't know that their new spouse did this or that. He said that just because it was a sacramental marriage it wasn't changing how they went about divorces. So he researched and found this FOCUS inventory thing and had couples do it. I guess that when he left, he asked the Bishop if he would continue to do this inventory in the church. So that's how we came to do it.

I had to agree with Shawna because it did give you a change to talk about many things that either you might not have thought of yet or might not wanted to have talked about it. It goes over things like finances and how to combine two people's debts and monies. It goes over communication and how we talk about our feelings with each other. It went over our sexuality and discusses what we want out of our marriage sexually (which I found to be odd). I basically covers all the main things that can lead to divorces and annulments. So it was neat to see all the different things and until she told me on the phone that we scored the 58, I wasn't apprehensive about meeting with her. I was actually a little excited because I thought it would be interesting to see Dave talk about his feelings and things in front of someone else where he had to provide an answer.

I also chose this church because a teacher at our school got married there the weekend we got engaged. She isn't religious at all and she felt very comfortable with this priest. So really I chose the priest and the church came with him. I'm not a super religious person although I was raised in a Catholic home. I had always wanted to get married outside but with an October wedding, you can never tell what the weather is going to be like in Nevada at that time. I didn't want that added stress and so the church was the only other place I was willing to get married. Dave isn't Catholic and since Kristen, the teacher at my school, had such a good experience there I thought that it would make for a good experience for Dave. And he really likes the priest so I'm glad I went with that choice.