Friday, April 25, 2008

Chapter 23: A Defining Moment

This is by far my favorite chapter of our entire story. Without this chapter, we certainly wouldn't be where we are today!

I talked to my sister and asked her if I could come home the day before Christmas. I explained to her that I really wanted to go do this and that it was something I needed to do. This was our first Christmas without my mom, and to my utter surprise my sister didn't put up a fight. So I made the decision to go and it was the best decision I have ever made.

Kayla and Kenny backing out of this trip was the greatest thing could have happened. This meant that Dave and I would be in a car alone for 12 hours. Certainly I would get some answers to all my questions and things would be settled by the end of this trip. It's not like we were just going down there and then I was turning right around and flying home...I was there for 5 days.

We left very early the morning of December 18. I remember him having to tell Kayla bye and all the tears and it really sucked. I remember thinking that he was dumb for moving and clearly he could see that we all wanted him here much more than anyone in Arizona.

Once we were in the car, everything changed. It was like it always was when we were together by ourselves without the influence of our friends. He was just himself and my myself. We started listening to music and he would play songs for me and it was literally the most fun car trip we have ever taken together. Once it started to get dark outside, he would reach over and hold my hang...butterflies would flutter and I tried to soak in every single second of it. Every road trip I hope that feeling will be recreated, and every road trip I am let down. Never again will I have those butterflies in my tummy...never again will I cling to every single word that he says in that way. We got lost on the way...making the trip even better. Sometimes words can't even describe how I felt on the entire was absolutely perfect and trying to write every single detail down won't even do it any justice.

When we got to Arizona finally, I was able to meet his mom and grandparents...yeah did I leave out that I had to meet the family on this trip. He wouldn't bring me along if he didn't like one was going to believe that we were just friends, especially after the car ride down there. This trip was also the most fun I have ever had with his mom...I again try to recreate this feeling with her to no avail (obviously!). We spent the next few days going to Mexico and having BBQs drinking at his grandparents house. Again, words can't describe the amount of fun I was having...why couldn't we have been like this in Reno? Oh friends here to outside influence...just Dave here in Arizona.

The night before I was to leave, we went to his mom's Christmas party for her work. We had an amazing time, but then we got a phone call from Steve. They of course wanted to know what we were up to and my drunk self was about to tell him! I told him that I really liked Dave and that I was tired of getting shit from them. Then I felt like an ass and went crying to the truck because I wanted to go home. You good times when you are way drunk!! He came and sat in the truck with me and I really don't remember at all what he said. The next thing I knew, Darrell (mom's husband) came out and gave Dave the keys and said to take the truck home and that they would get a ride home. Very nice of him I must say.

When we got home, we sat down on the couch. I told him that I was really sad that the next morning I was going to leave him and I wouldn't get to see him anymore. I was really sad that nothing more every became of us...all the while drunk crying here. I was snuggled up with him on the couch when all of a sudden I hear a sniffle. Could it be that he is crying?? I look up and sure enough he is like bawling crying. What the hell is he crying about? He then tells me that all this time he liked me. He is so afraid of relationships that he didn't know what to do but that he doesn't want me to leave...he wants me to stay there and he is going to be so sad when I get on the plane tomorrow. Most girls would be touched...most girls would be like YES I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG!! This girl, however, was thinking...HELLO MORON YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO MOVE, along with thinking, NICE FUCKING TIMING YOU GENIUS!!!!

He drops this on me the night before I am to leave...who does that!!! Oh yeah Captain Disaster here. We spend the rest of the night just cuddling and talking about all of our memories made thus far. We briefly touched upon where we might go from here, but I didn't want to get into that. I had already decided that I wasn't going to do a long distance thing and he was staying in Arizona so really what hope was there for us? It was going to be one of those things that at least I got my answers and I knew that I was important to him, but that the timing was just never right.

We both cried once we got to the airport the next day. Darrell went with us so that was a bit awkward. I was looking forward to some major movie goodbye here. Hugs, tears and lots of kissing...I really wanted to make sure that I got lots of kissing in. But kinda hard to do with Darrell tagging along. I didn't know what was going to happen and my plan of me being the one to leave him was pretty much out of the question now that I knew he had feelings. We both hugged and were sad...Darrell on the other hand sat back and laughed at us. Darrell's exact quote of the day, "I don't know what you guys are crying about...I have a feeling that we are going to be seeing a lot more of her around here." (So glad that Darrell could see it!)

They called my plane, we had one last hug and we promised to call each other everyday. Knowing how he was about the phone I figured that it was a pretty empty promise on his end, but to my surprise I was wrong. I waved goodbye and I was gone.

Chapter 22: Surprises

Shortly after the Halloween party, Dave decided that he was going to move back to Arizona. I tried to talk him out of this, throwing every excuse of why to stay at him. But his mind was made up. So I did all I figured that I could do...I tried to spend as much time with him as I could before he left. I went to see him at work everyday after I got out of school and we would all hang out on the weekends sometimes. I started to think that he was moving for a reason and this was going to be good for me. Obviously although I thought I was winning the battle, I wasn't. He was going to move and if he couldn't deal with a relationship in the same city, there was no way in hell that he could do a long distance one and frankly I didn't want that either. I tried to pull back feelings and tried to just stay on the friend level. We all know that's much easier said than done!

About a month before he was to leave, Kenny, Kayla and I decided that we would all drive down there with him. We didn't want him to have to drive for 12 hours by himself and they were really upset he was moving. (Kenny is his cousin, Kayla his sister) I had another motive...I had decided that if I stayed here, he was leaving me. It would feel like there were so many unanswered questions and I would also cling to the what ifs. But, if I went to Arizona with him, I would be the one leaving him there. It would be my way of saying goodbye and letting go. When I left, all my feelings and everything for him would have to stay behind with him. This was seriously my logic...looking back I might have been a little crazy at this point.

We decided that we would throw him a surprise going away party. I called his dad and we were able to have it at his house. Teela, Monica and I planned it all out and it was going to be perfect. I was going to go to the shop and ask him to help me with something and then we would go to Fernley. Everyone would already be there...I didn't count on one thing. When I got to the shop, someone wanted to have a little sexual before we went on our way to Fernley! Hmm...I looked at the clock...I had plenty of time and who was I to pass up sex with him before he left! Teela kept calling me and calling me and I wouldn't answer. God knows he didn't make this one a quickie...oh no he wanted some romance! Hello did he not know I had a surprise party waiting for him in Fernley...oh wait right he didn't. Teela covered for us as long as she could and by the time we arrived 2 hours late (OOPS!) everyone knew that there was clearly something going on. We made him this great book and filled it with pictures of all of us. Everyone wrote him some goodbye message on their page and we put this roast of him in the front. It was a lot of fun, but it still didn't mask what was really going on...he was leaving and I wasn't sure how to cope with this.

There was one more surprise in store for me. A week before we were all to leave, Kayla and Kenny backed out. They decided that they weren't going to go and that left just me to go. I thought for sure that he would say that he would be fine by himself and that he didn't want me to go. Imagine my surprise when he said he didn't care and if it was ok with me that I should still go.

Thursday, April 24, 2008


Hopefully I got the bumps smoothed out! I had this story all discombobulated (a word my mom loved to use) halfassed and turned around that hopefully now it is all back in the right order. I still am in awe that I forgot literally the most important part of our love story and how we came to be. Shannon is right I am taking way to long to write this...I'm starting to forget the important parts! I think I did pretty good tonight...I got 4 chapters done and hopefully tomorrow I can get a few more up.

So Shannon I did my best and stayed up late to get some chapters up haha! Can't wait to see your comments on my two favorite chapters...18-19!!

Chapter 21: I'm No Quitter...

Obviously I didn't give up. If I had given up that day, I wouldn't be where I am today with him. But I backed off even more. I went home that night and told myself that I was not going to let him "use" me or whatever the hell he was doing. I wasn't going to play the games, I wasn't going to let him run this little "relationship" that we had, and I certainly wasn't going to play second fiddle to anyone! So that meant that I had to not be at his every beck and call. If I got the text message to meet, I had to learn to say no. A few times of that and suddenly someones attitude was a little different!

I couldn't give up. Even with all that had happened, I knew in my heart of hearts that he had to like me. He wasn't really just using me (although at times it was easier to think that so that I could be mad at him and get over him). I really wasn't second best, rather he just realized what he wanted. He had to care about me, otherwise why would he have shared all that stuff about his parents divorce? That was him stretching out to tell me to work on him a little more. A little more time and he would come around. The question was...did I have the patience to give him this time? Did I have the patience to trust him again and to put myself back into him after how he had been about Janna?

You know the know the story doesn't end here!

Chapter 20: An Open Wound


A few chapters back Shannon wanted to know why Dave had stood me up for dinner...since I had forgotten a major part of the story I had answered her in this chapter...I said it was just because he was that much of a flake...after writing the last two chapters, I must wonder why he really didn't come to dinner...maybe he was busy with someone else! Not to mention in this original post I said nothing interesting happened...I guess chapters 18-19 weren't interesting haha!!

Back to the story...Janna remained an open wound forever (by forever I mean still occassionally today). They never hooked up again, but I backed way off. I wasn't sure how to handle the situation. There was no sense in looking like a pathetic girl that couldn't take the hint...I mean he told me that he was interested in her! But at the same time, I couldn't help but feel that there was something between us. He still flirted although everytime he did I made sure to throw her in his face! He still called me at night and acted like he cared. Obviously he didn't end up with her. Janna was "hot" according to his friends so they encouraged him to hook up with her, and they often talked about how great it must have been to sleep with her. Again, here he was impressing his friends. I think that she wasn't interested in him that way because she was busy being a slutbag and so since she didn't work out he came back to old! This thought has always bothered me, will always cause me to question things, and will probably haunt me for many years. It's like I was the back up...if things didn't work out with the girl that he really wanted, well then he could settle for me. I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does. I know he is marrying me, and I know this thought it absurd, but in the back of my head I will always have that nagging thought that maybe just maybe I was the number 2 that he settled for.

Back to where I was...Up until this point, I thought I had been winning the battle. Even with the whole Janna situation, I really thought I was making progress towards him wanting to actually be my boyfriend and to end all this secrecy. It was a tough battle, but little by little he was coming around. Or so I thought.

Teela had also been a wonderful support system. Being the only friend that knew anything she was really good about giving me advice and not just advice I wanted to hear. She was getting to the point where she started telling me that maybe he wasn't worth it anymore (especially after the Janna situation). She was starting to tell me that maybe he really wasn't interested in that way and that I was wasting my time. This all came to a huge head the night of the Halloween party.

We attended a Halloween party at our friend Gillespie's house (his name is Steve too so to avoid confusion, we call him by his last name). Everyone was having a good time and Dave was being really flirty, yet he was being distant when the boys would walk up. He, Teela, Eric and I were all in the backyard talking. These mixed signals that he was throwing at me were starting to really piss me off so I decided that I wanted to go home. Earlier in the night he had told me that he wanted to stay at the apartment with me...ok that meant he wanted to get laid. Whatever, worked for me! After this Janna incident, I was going to pay him back somehow. I was going to show him that I could just sleep with him and send him on his way in the morning...again who was I kidding? So I told him that I was leaving and asked if he was going to go with me. And here is where the night turns to shit!

He stood there like I had just asked him something in a foreign language. He looked at me, then looked back at Eric. He did this for a few minutes. What was he supposed to say? Should he go with me because he knew that's really what he wanted to do, or should he succumb to the pressure and put on his show for his friends...let's see he picked option #2! He told me that he was going to stay there for the night. WTF! A half hour ago he was going with me, but now that Eric is around he is going to play hard ball and be a tough ass. So I did what any rational, I mean crazy, girl would do! I played the game for like the next hour or so.

I stormed out of the house and acted like I was leaving...hello did he not get the picture? He was not following me out telling me how he screwed this up. Ok...I go back in and say are you coming with me or not? No...storm out again! Wait outside...hmm he still doesn't seem to be getting the hint that I am done hiding shit and it's time for it all to come out. This goes on for at least an hour...go in, get told no, storm out, go back in. What an embarrassment I made of myself that night. Looking back that's ok! He acted like he could give two shits less about me and I was livid. The last time I walked out Teela left with me. I was in the street crying and yelling and she was trying to actually be rational and talk some sense into me. She told me that obviously he wasn't interested in taking this any farther and that it was about time that I gave up. If he had gone home with me it would have shown his friends that he cared...he didn't so that meant that really I was nothing more to him than a piece of ass. That combined with the Janna stuff should have been enough to make me see it for myself. She gave me some wonderful speech about how she really liked Dave, but that if he wasn't going to man up she thought I deserved better. All I heard was GIVE UP.

I couldn't give up...I was winning the battle...wasn't I? I thought for sure he was finally seeing the good in a relationship. I couldn't give up now...I was so close. But after his actions that night, giving up seemed like the only option.

Chapter 19: An Explanation of Janna...and more

I made my phone call. He could tell that I was upset and asked if I wanted to talk about what was wrong. BOY DID I!! I just came right out with it...I told him what Eric told me and he tried to dance around it. He tried to play dumb and by this point I was shaking with anger. His bullshit didn't last long before the truth came out.

He told me that the reason he had been putting off a relationship with me was because he actually liked this other girl, Janna. They had been hanging out when he was at his cousins house because they were roommates. They had hooked up and he thought that we shouldn't do anything anymore because it wasn't going to go anywhere. He said he could see that I was developing feelings (NO SHIT SHERLOCK!) and he couldn't say the same. He actually had the audacity to tell me that he wanted to give things with her a shot to see where they went. I on the other hand, wanted to slap him, her and anything in between! I was dumbfounded and I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He honestly did do this to me...I know I had no reason to be mad, but let's not kid ourselves...I was furious and crushed!! I knew from day one that I had strings attached and don't like him fool you he knew I did too! Since I didn't know what to say...I did the next best thing. I sat on the phone and cried...I cried forever! I told him that I hated him and that I didn't understand why he did this. If he liked her why didn't he just tell me and stop sleeping with me? He didn't say much and I didn't care to hear any possible excuses that had a chance of leaving his mouth. I literally cried on the phone for what seemed like an hour (and it probably was because we were on the phone for 3 hours) and fed him some bullshit about how I just wanted him to be happy and that we would still be friends and nothing would change. Who the hell was I kidding?? This wanting him to be happy bullshit was only true if I was the one making him happy. I was ready to get off the phone. That's when he threw in a curveball and really sent me into WTF mode!

Out of absolutely no where, he says to me "Do you want to know why my parents got divorced?" Do I want to know why your parents got divorced? um no I want to punch you in the face right now! But since I had just told him that we would remain friends I thought what the hell, humor him and listen. He proceeded to tell me the wretched ways of his mom...all the things we know and love these days about her. He told me how she had come to Reno for a wedding and how his dad (please stay with me because this is actually his step-dad that we are talking about) had sold his gun collection to pay for her ticket and then she came home and was always talking to this guy. Next thing they know, dad is moving out and this guy is moving in. Home wrecked! I am having a hell of a time following this story because he is talking about Wyoming and his dad never lived in Wyoming. That's when I clarify that this is his step-dad but he calls him dad too. Then I make mistake #2 and ask why his biological parents got divorced. That was a young marriage and his dad had anger issues at the time. Wow this was all a lot to take in...I was suddenly realizing why he struggled so much with relationships and why I was having such a hard time getting him to make any sort of committment. I felt bad for him, but honestly WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH YOU JUST TELLING ME THAT YOU SLEPT WITH ANOTHER GIRL!!!!!

Months after this phone conversation when we had some breaking moments in our relationship, I relalized what this divorce talk had to do with the situation. This was his way of reaching out and saying, please don't give up on me...I don't have a clue what to do in a normal relationship. I don't know how to act or what a good relationship looks like. When I once asked him why he ever told me that, he said he saw it as his only way to make me understand that I couldn't give up. It was his way of letting me know that he was a work in progress and he realized that he messed up, but he wasn't ready to admit that in those exact words. Good thing we were speaking the same language that night huh...maybe I should be a mind reader!

Chapter 18: More Devistating News...

The post that I am about to write is the worst part of our entire story. It was the one thing that did bring me close enough to actually give up and be done with him. Oddly enough, I forgot this entire chapter. It's such a thorn in my side that I have no idea how I could have possibly forgotten thing, but I see it as a good thing. It must mean that I have started to actually put it behind me and not dwell on it anymore. These next few posts are going to seem out of order because I forgot this chapter, but I will go back over and smooth them all out.

As if my world wasn't devisitating enough right at this moment with everything that had just happened, I was about to receive more devistating news. There was a night that I spent on the phone with my friend Eric. Eric had lost his dad a few years earlier and at the time, he was the only friend I had that had any idea what I was going through. He knew what it was like to lose a parent at a young age. We used to spend hours talking on the phone together, and this night was no different. We talked about my mom for a while and then the conversation somehow turned to Dave and I. Of course I played it off, but I slowly started telling Eric that I did like him. I wasn't letting on to everything, but he knew that there was more than friends there.

As nice as Eric tried to be and as much as he said he was looking out for me at this time, what came out of his mouth was enough to make my stomach churn like I had been on a carnival ride for 8 continuous hours. Eric informed me that really I didn't have a chance with Dave because there was this other girl that he liked. She was way hot (apparently I was dog meat at the time) and he was totally into her. Then he gave the crushing blow..."You know he fucked Janna" I shut down. I asked how he knew this and he said that Dave had been bragging about it to the guys. I quickly tried to get off the phone, but Eric knew that the damage was done. He knew I was going to tell Dave that I knew this and Eric reminded me that Janna was a way better choice and that I should just let Dave be. I heard none of head was spinning.

How could he do this to me? I know we weren't together, and we were sleeping with each other no strings attached, but I really didn't mean that and in no way did I think he did. We had been doing this for 8 months and we had never slept with anyone but each other. Was everything I thought about him really all a lie? Was he really using me when he needed me and then actually "liking" another girl? No sense in making myself sick over the what if was time to get some answers. I hung up the phone and called Dave.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Chapter 17: My Career Begins

Most people think that dates around my mom bother me. Her birthday, my parent's anniversary, Christmas, Mother's Day. Ok Mother's Day does bother me a lot...but I get bitter and sad that my mom isn't here and everyone else has a mom to celebrate with. But those other dates don't really bother me. I can get by them like they are just another day. But there is one time of year that I really really miss my mom. I cry each and every day of this week and to some it may seem silly. But to me it's very upsetting.

You see my mom died before my first day of teaching. She died in July and my first day of teaching was in August. This is very hard for me. I really wanted to be able to tell her all about my first day and tell her how my kids were and even tell her what I wore. But no, I couldn't do that. Telling my sister wasn't the same...there wasn't that excitement in her voice. Not the excitement like mom. Mom would have said "that's great babe". "I'm so proud of you." That's what mom would have said...but mom couldn't say that because she wasn't here.

Steve and I's friendship continued to strain. After him not being there for me with my mom's death, I really found less time that I needed to spend with him. I didn't care to share my first year of teaching with him and I didn't care to get help or ideas from him. We began hanging out even less in the months to come until it came to the point where months would pass before we spoke or spent time together.

Fortunately for me, I had a class of angels for a first year teacher and a "mama bear" that was right next door. While she's not an important part of our love story, she is an important part of planning our wedding and my teaching career. Shari is the woman that teaches next door to me. She is an older woman and a wonderful teacher. Our first year of teaching, there were about 7 new teachers. We had to take a class after school on Tuesdays because we were new and this class was held in Shari's room. She stayed for all the classes even though she didn't have to. All the first year teachers came to her when they needed anything because she had that motherly persona about her. Thus her name "Mama Bear". She truly is a mama bear. She helped me through that first year of teaching and she has been wonderful while I have been planning my wedding. She got teary eyed one day and told me that she would be there to help in any way she could and she would do all those mom like things with me if I wanted her to. She is wonderful and I would be lost without her.

Dave and I continued to hide everything from our friends. We talked almost every day and I went to the shop to see him every single day after school. I would stay there until 5 and leave when he did. It was around this time that everyone grew a little suspicious of all the time that Dave and I were spending together.

Chapter 16: My Birthday Dinner

We buried my mom the day before my birthday. On my birthday, Steve finally called. By this point in time, there was no reason for me to stay in Winnemucca. It was time for me to head home and start to adjust to life without my mom. So that afternoon, I hugged my family, shed some tears and drove back to Reno.

That Sunday (my birthday was Saturday) was the day that Dave came home. Remember I was picking him up from the airport. This was the thing that was going to prove to me that life went on and things that were planned would still happen even though she was gone. Seemed pretty trivial now, but it made sense to me at the time. When I arrived at the airport I was thrilled to see Dave. He gave me a hug because he could clearly see that I needed one. We drove to Fernley so that I could take him to his dad's house. We talked about the funeral, we talked about his trip to Arizona and then I dropped him off. He swore to me that he would be there that night for my birthday dinner. At this point in our friendship...Dave was a flake! He often made plans and then just didn't show or just told you he would come to get you off his back. But I knew that tonight he would show because he knew I needed him to be there. I needed my friends around me to make life feel somewhat normal.

We went to Outback and all the girls were there. Monica, Heidi, Teela. And all the boys were there. Kenny, Steve, our other friend Steve, and Eric. EVERYONE EXCEPT DAVE! Steve made the incredibly retarded choice to bring his sister with him...have I mentioned I HATE HER! Why yes I have...please refer to Chapter 6: The Skank! So now Dave isn't there and I am texting him and calling response. How could he seriously pull his flakiness at a time like this? Was he really that much of an ass that he couldn't see that even as just a friend I really really needed him there? Apparently so!

The one person I really wanted to be there totally stood me up and the person I disliked the most was now there! Wonderful...Happy freaking Birthday!

Christmas in March

Shannon reminded me that I never posted a picture of my real bed that finally came the end of March!! It is beautiful and you have to remember when you look at it we need a new mattress because that is a full and the bed is actually a queen! So we must go purchase a new mattress...who the hell knew they were so expensive!!

My bed! With my kitty laying in the middle

A close up of the headboard

The bottom of the bed...a close up of all the wood and the knots in the wood!

I really like it and it's way better than I ever thought!

Didn't forget about her...

I was rereading my blog the other day about the friends I have found on here and I forgot someone! I think it's because she doesn't write a blog (although now she is), but she is always good about commenting and I look forward to her advice and thoughts!


Lisa is my other cousin and I am very happy that I have been able to get back in touch with her. I'm glad that she is reading my blog and that she leaves me comments and gives me that advice! I really didn't forget about how much I value her friendship the other day...I just didn't have anywhere to link to her. :)

So this is in amendment to my post...she was left off but that doesn't mean that she was forgotten!

**I also fixed it in the original post!

Mending the Broken Pieces...

Ever since this post I have had a lot on my mind in this area. I didn't feel bad about writing the post because at the time it was how I times it is still how I feel. But it just didn't sit right with me and I knew that there had to be something more.

The other day Dave's sister Kayla told me that she had talked to their mom and asked her what her deal was lately. She is very distant from everyone and so on. She then asked her why she was so uninvolved in our wedding. Her response was that everytime she made a suggestion she was shot down or it was already done. I was highly annoyed by this because she only made a suggestion about a cake topper and toasting glasses and I didn't shoot her down, I said I thought those were things that we should pick out. I didn't say her idea was dumb or hell no I wouldn't do that. I just said I thought those were things that Dave and I should choose.

So ever since that conversation the other day, stuff weighed down even heavier on me. I don't agree with the way she is being, but at the same time I know that somewhere under all this unhappiness there is a good person. (I know you are shocked to hear that if you read the post above) I decided that I couldn't let this eat away at me or my wedding was going to be yucky while she was around. I had to clear the air and set things straight so that I felt better and could let go of some of this resentment that I have developed towards her.

So today, I started mending the broken pieces...

I talked with my friend Monica and she gave me the courage to call and confront Dave's mom about all this stuff. But Monica doesn't have a mean bone in her body so Monica could tell me how to do this in a nonconfrontational way!

I called his mom on my way home from work. We made small chit chat to start with and then I started telling her about our invitations and our cake. She actually seemed more interested than normal so I couldn't use my in and ask her why she seemed so uninterested! Damn! I did what I had to do and just laid it all out there. I told her that I really do want her to be a part of our wedding and to be involved in the planning when needed. Especially with my mom not here, I want that mother figure to help plan and have that experience with. I want to be able to call her and ask her questions and I want her to be excited. I actually said when I call you should be excited, fake it if you have to! Figured I should be honest. Her response to this was ok good. Apparently she felt like she was waiting for permission to join the game again if you will. She felt like we didn't like her ideas and that I had shot her down (all the stuff Kayla told me). I explained I just thought that was something for us to do and that everytime I called her she seemed like she blew me off or she was very uninterested. She said when she was teasing about the dresses (not sure if I blogged about that but she was teasing me telling me she was going to wear a white or some color of white to the wedding for 45minutes she teased!) that she thought I got mad. I stated that I did find it annoying but that she had apologized the next day. I told her that when she blew me off and said that she wouldn't be able to come to any showers (not that she had been given any dates yet) because she had other things going on that it hurt my feelings. I intentionally want to plan the bridal shower and bachelorette party in the late summer so maybe they can actually come up because it's far enough from the wedding. Her not so much the bachelorette party, that one more for Kayla and Shasta, but the bridal shower I would like her to be at. I would like her to meet my family and get to spend some time with all of us so they can all get to know one another. Before she had said point blank she wasn't coming to them. Today she said she did want to be there and she was sorry for being that way earlier. She then came out and told me that she has a lot going on and she started to cry.

She told me how unhappy she was with her husband and how she doesn't want to be with him anymore. Again, I agree she shouldn't be unhappy, but she should go about this in the right way. I told her that it frustrated Dave that she was doing this again (4 marriages...she's earning a track record) and that he wanted her to do this the right way and not the way it happened with Bruce (the dad of his two brothers that Dave adores). I hoped that she got the picture that you divorce first, find boyfriend second. Not the other way around. She told me that she is tired of Kayla living there because she doesn't help. I told her to stand her ground and make Kayla pay rent. She works full time she could contribute but I said she won't unless you make her.

We talked a bit more and then her phone died. She's supposed to be calling me back on her way to dinner and I'm sure that she will.

I know that I took the right step today. I don't want to harbor all this ill-will towards his mom. I want her to be a part of our lives and I don't want her to take for granted these moments that she has with her children. I still may not agree with everything she does, but at least we are both on the same page on the wedding stuff. She knows that we want her to be involved and she knows that she is welcome to be involved. I know that she was waiting to be invited again and now she is. It made me feel better to be able to let go of some of this anger towards her and be able to just have a normal conversation. I know Dave appreciates it because then he isn't stuck in the middle.

Hopefully this was all that needed to be done to clear the air, clear any misconceptions and make it where we are both comfortable with the involvement of the wedding.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Flowers continued...

After everyone's comments on flowers I thought I would go and look at some pictures on the internet. In my previous post I said that I really didn't want all the fall colors in my bouquets...I must retract that statement. (You're right Jen they are really pretty!) I guess I had to see fall colors all together...I just want to make sure that it goes with the colors of the wedding and people aren't like why in the hell are her flowers that color when her dresses are that color! Below are some that I liked...

The bottom one is actaully my favorite! Lisa commented about roses and calla lilies in my colors. Having wine roses and white calla lillies and after seeing the above picture with the red and yellow ones, I think that my bridesmaids will have something very similar to that! Those flowers together are really pretty! I guess that I am just going to have to go and look through books (although I already did that once unsuccessfully!) and sit down with the flower person to get some ideas. I have plenty of time for flowers so Iwill wait the 5 weeks until school is out and that will be my first task of summer!!

Following the Trend

Alright, I couldn't resist joining in the fun. Dave told me that it wasn't necessary to do everything that my blogging friends did...I informed him that why yes when it involves posting embarrassing pictures of him from the past I must do as my blogging friends do!! So without further ado, here is my soon to be hubby back in high school or a year right out. I got these pictures from one of the guys in our wedding!! I can't say any of them are that embarrassing but I had to laugh because he had earrings!!

Anyone need a babysitter...upon asking him who this child was, he said he had no clue! That's good some poor kid has been corrupted in Laramie! Also, Gabe that we went to see that's him in the top pictures...I'm sure he won't mind being part of pictures back in the day!!

The earrings, the stoned/incredibly drunk look...yep he was hot stuff there!

Straight out of his senior yearbook...his senior picture!! He looks exactly the same...he can still pass for 12 at times haha!!

Those are really the only pictures I have here at the house of him from back in the day. I have a few more group shots that Gabe sent us, but you can't see him good. I had to crop the senior picture off of his high school reunion page hahaha!!!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Wedding Assistance

I think this is a fitting post after my last proves that I really value your opinions and want your advice. I need some wedding advice and assistance.

Issue #1 - Registry
Ever since we got engaged and I set up our wedding website, I have had this cool little calendar thing that tells me when I should do things. Like start looking at hair styles now because you probably think that you don't need to look until like a month before the wedding. Or you should order your dresses by now so that you aren't freaking out when they aren't here in time. Some of the things have been really helpful because they might have been things that I overlooked and the website in general gives some pretty good wedding tips. Other things have just been kind of a joke on there and apparently I can't seem to think of one right now...but just things that I would never do at my wedding anyway, but I guess they didn't make the checklist for me, they made it for all to use. I digress...the registry was one of the things that has already come up and I was surprised at how early it was on there. So we followed suit and got excited that we could go register for things and walk around the store making a wonderful wishlist. Well that was all fine and dandy till we got to the store.

First place I wanted to go was to the towels section...I thought it would be fun to pick out decorations and colors for our bathroom since really only our guest bathroom has a theme. Of course I wanted to go with like a dark burgandy and a black for our bathroom. He said no. Wait what...I'm making a wish list here and you are telling me no??!?!! Ok I must consider your feelings too. He then states to me that he really doesn't like dark towels and that we should go with something lighter because dark towels leave fuzzies. I want dark because dark hides any possible stains that may never come out! Then I start thinking to myself and I say "Self...why in the hell are you taking his opinion on this because he is fucking color blind!!!!" We are now off to a bad start because I feel he is just being a pissy pain in my ass making the section I looked forward to the most a disaster!

We move on to bedding...nope can't agree on anything there. I figure let's go over to appliances because we do have some common ground there. We knew that we wanted to register for a griddle and an omelete pan. Found those and got them on the list. Got some glasses that we could agree on and that was about it. After spending like an hour and a half there we registered for maybe 20 things. And the freaking towels that are on there match the ones we already have in our guest bathroom! Figured we could use the same colors and have two sets so stuff still matches. We also got silverware and some fun little margarita glasses. I wanted some wine glasses and then we headed to pots and such. Here in lies the problem. We don't have a clue what we should be registering for!!!

Yes Bed Bath and Beyond give you this lovely little list that you can follow as a guideline of what most people register for and such. But you see we aren't most people. I am by no means Emeril, I more rank under Chef Boy-R-D! Dave can cook and so obviously we will be registering for pans and pots that I will someday hopefully be able to use. Knives...I expect Shannon's expertise here because I want some good kitchen knives.

What did you guys all register for? What was the one thing that you registered for that you were so excited to get or you couldn't wait to get it? Or what was something that you registered for that you really wish you hadn't? I have heard that you can get carried away and you really only want to register for things that you will actually use. There's the first area I would like your advice. If you go to you can type in Angie Plaza or David Reeder and find our registry. I have the number somewhere but am too lazy to leave the computer to get it! You can see how far we got and see the few things we already have and make suggestions from there. See that I have added nothing as we went and did this back in like February I think!

Issue #2 - Flowers
I am not a flower person...I like them yes but not all the time. I like to get roses once in a while but not for every occassion. Therefore I have not a clue on flowers. We are getting married in the fall and our colors are chocolate brown, wine and ivory. Let me know some good flowers and color arraingments. I'm not sure how I feel about all the "fall" colors that I have heard should be in our bouquets. I'm not a huge orange color person so I would have to see it arrainged to see if I like it in a bouquet. I would like roses to be a main theme, but I would also like to have simple bouquets.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Friends across the distances

I started blogging a while ago and it has been a great experience for me. Shannon got me started and I'm really glad that she did. It gave her and I a chance to get closer again and not to mention she kicked started my butt on the Tummy Tuck Club. But that isn't all that I have gained from writing this blog.

Patty posted a blog the other day and it was really sweet of her. With all that is going on with her dad, I sent her a card with a little angel. I hoped that the card would bring a little smile to her face and show her that she has a friend way on the other side of the states that cares about her.

I feel that I have gained several friends since having this blog. Granted I know Shannon and Lisa in real life and I have met Steph because she works with the parent of one of my students, but there are more friends on here that I have never met, yet I consider them a friend. I have never met Jen, Julia, Patty, or Shawna in real life, but I feel like they are good friends to me. I feel like I have met them before because we read each other's blogs and we know what is going on in each other's lifes through that. Maybe that's why I feel like we are friends. I genuinely care about them and the things that happen in their lives. I hope that they all feel the same about me. It's nice knowing that there is support out there even though I have never actually met them.

When I am having a bad day, my first thought is to come here and write about it. I might want opinions about what to do or just want someone to comment and say they too had a crummy day. But what I have noticed is that sometimes I can't wait to get a comment back from one of you because I truly value your opinions and thoughts. It's like I'm waiting for a friend to return a phone call or something. I find that sometimes I tell you guys more than my friends that are actually around me in my everyday life. It might be because you don't know me in person or because I just trust you all as friends. Either way, it's nice to know that I have that support.

So Shannon, Steph, Jen, Julia, Patty, Shawna and Lisa....thanks for being such wonderful friends...even if for now it is only in the blogging world!

(PS this blog made so much more sense in my head...sorry if it's a bit rambled)

Monday, April 07, 2008

Frustrating Day

From the previous posts, you wouldn't know I was very frustrated today. But I am!!

Our yearbook at school is due today. Teachers have to put their pages together and have them turned in. We know that these are all due all year long, and yet we all put them off to the last minute. Don't get me wrong...I finished my today at 4pm. We all procrastinate and we all do it. But the teacher that usually puts the whole thing together and sends it off to print is unable to help this year. Her mom is dying and she just can't spend the extra time at school. Clearly I do not blame her. This is why I offered to HELP if she needed anything. She was also my lead teacher when I was a student teacher and I can't tell you how wonderful she was to me with my mom being so sick. She would let me go home early on Friday's or leave anytime I needed if I needed to get home to Winnemucca. I went to Winnemucca every Friday so that's why she let me leave early most Fridays. Helping out on the yearbook was the least that I could do for her at a time like this after how wonderful she was to me in the same situation.

Well as I said I offered to HELP...not do the whole thing! Apparently (and I don't know that this is the way it truly is) our boss told her that me and Chrissy would do it. No one asked us, he just told her that we would do it. Well I offered to help, but I never volunteered Chrissy so not sure how she got thrown in the mix. I take it as a compliment that he thinks I can get this done on time for Wednesday and make sure that it is right. However, if he really did just tell her we would do it, I would have liked to have been asked. As I said I don't mind helping, but I have never done the whole thing on my own and I don't want to screw it up because I'm not sure what goes where! Anyway...this stressed Chrissy very much and I don't like her to's not good for her and it's especially not good for the baby. So I told her not to worry, but she will because she doesn't think it should have all been dumped on me either. Anyway...that's what's frustrating me.

Shannon would be proud because all I wanted to do after spending three hours after school trying to put the pages that I had from teachers together (this is not including what they will all turn in tomorrow!) was come home and eat Olive Garden. Particularly this...

Ravioli's in alfredo sauce plus of course the 15 breadsticks that I was craving. But did I go to dinner and have that...NO!

I had this...

The raspberry chipoltle salad at Quizno's for 490 calories! And you know what...after I ate it I was very satisfied and glad that I didn't go to Olive Garden! (I took a picture of my actual salad, but honestly I'm too lazy to go get my camera and load a picture of the salad on here)

I also wanted to go and walk my dog after school, but as you read above I spent three hours after school doing yearbook so I didn't get to do that either!


I went shopping this was a great spot...everything was a really good deal? Dying to know where I went?


My bed finally came...I must post a picture of that in a moment...I forgot to blog about it. We went out mattress shopping and we want to put our old mattress in the spare bedroom. Well we would have to move some things around and there is a big dresser in there. Dave said it was full of all my clothes...this translated into one drawer had some pants in it and the rest of the drawers were full of his upholstery shit! Anyway...I started looking through the pants.

Now as Shannon and I have clearly stated before, no sizes are the same. Just because I am now comfortably in a size 12 at Old Navy does not mean that the size 12 jeans in my closet will fit of course not. In the drawer, I found that I had pants that were sizes 11/12, 12, 13 and my all time two favorites, an 8 and a 9!!! Well I looked at the 8s and just far from that. But then I held up the 9s. I shit you not I they look like a size 0!!!! I was like when in the hell did I live in Reno and was that size? I really can't had to have been like my second year in college. I don't even know where I got these pants. I had this great plan on Saturday (see that's when I wanted to write this blog) to go and take pictures of all these pants and post them, but then I remembered how much I hated loading pictures on blogger and decided that you will have to use your creative imaginations! Back to the size 9s...they were seriously so small and I thought they looked smaller than the size 8s. I held them together and what do you know...the size 8s probably have at least 1/2-1in on each side making them bigger than the 9s! I tell you sizes are retarded.

I decided that if I was having this much fun in this one little drawer, my closet must be a haven. was. We took all the pants in my closet out and I started trying them on. The sizes ranged from 10-16. And that is clearly the size I wear...10-16!! I have two pairs of pants that are 10s...both from Old Navy. One fits very nicely, the other I can't even get all the way up my you go figure that one out they are the same brand! Shorts that I bought at walmart that are a size 13 don't even remotely fit, and the other pair of shorts from Walmart that are a size 13 fit way looser than they did the summer I bought them. All my size 16s that I expected to be really big on me, not so much. They fit fine, just much looser through the butt and legs. So I know that I am losing weight which is really nice. But seriously anywhere between a 10-16? Could the range at least narrow itself a little!

All in all, I found like 5 new pairs of pants that I can use at school. Today I wore a pair and many people told me how skinny I looked in them. They are a size 13 and I haven't been able to wear them for at least 3 years. I also found a pair of capris that I know I haven't been able to wear for at least 2 years and they are a size 11/12. They fit the best out of anything I tried on and I was very excited because they were one of my favorite pairs of capris. It was rather fun going through my closet and seeing what clothes I had that haven't been worn forever because I grew out of need for me to go spend money...there were new clothes hanging right there!!

A Way Overdue Blog for Jen!!!!

Alright...I have been owing Jen these pictures for um I can't remember how long. So Chrissy came over this weekend and I finally got a picture of my in my dress. Excuse the look on my face...I think that I was nervous that I would get it dirty or get sweat on it or something. So I was looking a little mortified to have it on. You will all notice that at the top it gapes a bit at the boobs are disappearing as I lose weight, but that's just wonderful in my world!!!

I think I am now back in the good graces of Jen haha! I don't really remember if there were more pictures I was supposed to post for her, but if so she will probably tell me in a comment :)