Mending the Broken Pieces...

Ever since this post I have had a lot on my mind in this area. I didn't feel bad about writing the post because at the time it was how I felt...at times it is still how I feel. But it just didn't sit right with me and I knew that there had to be something more.

The other day Dave's sister Kayla told me that she had talked to their mom and asked her what her deal was lately. She is very distant from everyone and so on. She then asked her why she was so uninvolved in our wedding. Her response was that everytime she made a suggestion she was shot down or it was already done. I was highly annoyed by this because she only made a suggestion about a cake topper and toasting glasses and I didn't shoot her down, I said I thought those were things that we should pick out. I didn't say her idea was dumb or hell no I wouldn't do that. I just said I thought those were things that Dave and I should choose.

So ever since that conversation the other day, stuff weighed down even heavier on me. I don't agree with the way she is being, but at the same time I know that somewhere under all this unhappiness there is a good person. (I know you are shocked to hear that if you read the post above) I decided that I couldn't let this eat away at me or my wedding was going to be yucky while she was around. I had to clear the air and set things straight so that I felt better and could let go of some of this resentment that I have developed towards her.

So today, I started mending the broken pieces...

I talked with my friend Monica and she gave me the courage to call and confront Dave's mom about all this stuff. But Monica doesn't have a mean bone in her body so Monica could tell me how to do this in a nonconfrontational way!

I called his mom on my way home from work. We made small chit chat to start with and then I started telling her about our invitations and our cake. She actually seemed more interested than normal so I couldn't use my in and ask her why she seemed so uninterested! Damn! I did what I had to do and just laid it all out there. I told her that I really do want her to be a part of our wedding and to be involved in the planning when needed. Especially with my mom not here, I want that mother figure to help plan and have that experience with. I want to be able to call her and ask her questions and I want her to be excited. I actually said when I call you should be excited, fake it if you have to! Figured I should be honest. Her response to this was ok good. Apparently she felt like she was waiting for permission to join the game again if you will. She felt like we didn't like her ideas and that I had shot her down (all the stuff Kayla told me). I explained I just thought that was something for us to do and that everytime I called her she seemed like she blew me off or she was very uninterested. She said when she was teasing about the dresses (not sure if I blogged about that but she was teasing me telling me she was going to wear a white or some color of white to the wedding for 45minutes she teased!) that she thought I got mad. I stated that I did find it annoying but that she had apologized the next day. I told her that when she blew me off and said that she wouldn't be able to come to any showers (not that she had been given any dates yet) because she had other things going on that it hurt my feelings. I intentionally want to plan the bridal shower and bachelorette party in the late summer so maybe they can actually come up because it's far enough from the wedding. Her not so much the bachelorette party, that one more for Kayla and Shasta, but the bridal shower I would like her to be at. I would like her to meet my family and get to spend some time with all of us so they can all get to know one another. Before she had said point blank she wasn't coming to them. Today she said she did want to be there and she was sorry for being that way earlier. She then came out and told me that she has a lot going on and she started to cry.

She told me how unhappy she was with her husband and how she doesn't want to be with him anymore. Again, I agree she shouldn't be unhappy, but she should go about this in the right way. I told her that it frustrated Dave that she was doing this again (4 marriages...she's earning a track record) and that he wanted her to do this the right way and not the way it happened with Bruce (the dad of his two brothers that Dave adores). I hoped that she got the picture that you divorce first, find boyfriend second. Not the other way around. She told me that she is tired of Kayla living there because she doesn't help. I told her to stand her ground and make Kayla pay rent. She works full time she could contribute but I said she won't unless you make her.

We talked a bit more and then her phone died. She's supposed to be calling me back on her way to dinner and I'm sure that she will.

I know that I took the right step today. I don't want to harbor all this ill-will towards his mom. I want her to be a part of our lives and I don't want her to take for granted these moments that she has with her children. I still may not agree with everything she does, but at least we are both on the same page on the wedding stuff. She knows that we want her to be involved and she knows that she is welcome to be involved. I know that she was waiting to be invited again and now she is. It made me feel better to be able to let go of some of this anger towards her and be able to just have a normal conversation. I know Dave appreciates it because then he isn't stuck in the middle.

Hopefully this was all that needed to be done to clear the air, clear any misconceptions and make it where we are both comfortable with the involvement of the wedding.