Thursday, April 24, 2008

Chapter 19: An Explanation of Janna...and more

I made my phone call. He could tell that I was upset and asked if I wanted to talk about what was wrong. BOY DID I!! I just came right out with it...I told him what Eric told me and he tried to dance around it. He tried to play dumb and by this point I was shaking with anger. His bullshit didn't last long before the truth came out.

He told me that the reason he had been putting off a relationship with me was because he actually liked this other girl, Janna. They had been hanging out when he was at his cousins house because they were roommates. They had hooked up and he thought that we shouldn't do anything anymore because it wasn't going to go anywhere. He said he could see that I was developing feelings (NO SHIT SHERLOCK!) and he couldn't say the same. He actually had the audacity to tell me that he wanted to give things with her a shot to see where they went. I on the other hand, wanted to slap him, her and anything in between! I was dumbfounded and I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He honestly did do this to me...I know I had no reason to be mad, but let's not kid ourselves...I was furious and crushed!! I knew from day one that I had strings attached and don't like him fool you he knew I did too! Since I didn't know what to say...I did the next best thing. I sat on the phone and cried...I cried forever! I told him that I hated him and that I didn't understand why he did this. If he liked her why didn't he just tell me and stop sleeping with me? He didn't say much and I didn't care to hear any possible excuses that had a chance of leaving his mouth. I literally cried on the phone for what seemed like an hour (and it probably was because we were on the phone for 3 hours) and fed him some bullshit about how I just wanted him to be happy and that we would still be friends and nothing would change. Who the hell was I kidding?? This wanting him to be happy bullshit was only true if I was the one making him happy. I was ready to get off the phone. That's when he threw in a curveball and really sent me into WTF mode!

Out of absolutely no where, he says to me "Do you want to know why my parents got divorced?" Do I want to know why your parents got divorced? um no I want to punch you in the face right now! But since I had just told him that we would remain friends I thought what the hell, humor him and listen. He proceeded to tell me the wretched ways of his mom...all the things we know and love these days about her. He told me how she had come to Reno for a wedding and how his dad (please stay with me because this is actually his step-dad that we are talking about) had sold his gun collection to pay for her ticket and then she came home and was always talking to this guy. Next thing they know, dad is moving out and this guy is moving in. Home wrecked! I am having a hell of a time following this story because he is talking about Wyoming and his dad never lived in Wyoming. That's when I clarify that this is his step-dad but he calls him dad too. Then I make mistake #2 and ask why his biological parents got divorced. That was a young marriage and his dad had anger issues at the time. Wow this was all a lot to take in...I was suddenly realizing why he struggled so much with relationships and why I was having such a hard time getting him to make any sort of committment. I felt bad for him, but honestly WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH YOU JUST TELLING ME THAT YOU SLEPT WITH ANOTHER GIRL!!!!!

Months after this phone conversation when we had some breaking moments in our relationship, I relalized what this divorce talk had to do with the situation. This was his way of reaching out and saying, please don't give up on me...I don't have a clue what to do in a normal relationship. I don't know how to act or what a good relationship looks like. When I once asked him why he ever told me that, he said he saw it as his only way to make me understand that I couldn't give up. It was his way of letting me know that he was a work in progress and he realized that he messed up, but he wasn't ready to admit that in those exact words. Good thing we were speaking the same language that night huh...maybe I should be a mind reader!

1 comment:

Shawna said...

I am still mad at him.

I know the ending though so I know things changed and he grew up. I don't know what it is like to come from a broken home, so I guess I have to cut him some slack there. I am not saying his mom is a bad person but I can only imagine what it would be like to have a mom like that and how it would effect the way you view women.