Definition of a mom

I find it very ironic that Shannon posted a blog today about when you really know your a mom. Because here I am posting this very blog about wondering what should be the definition of a mom. You know how kids that come from single moms and they say they have a father, the man that provided the sperm to give them life, and then they have a dad...the man that actually fulfilled the role and helped take care of them and raise them. See I can't say that I've ever thought this about a mom because I can't really think of an instance up until yesterday.

**Be forwarned this blog is going to be very mean**

Dave and I haven't talked to his mom for about 3 weeks. I find this odd, especially since we went on a week long trip. You see she always calls on trips to see if we made it to where we were going
and then she always calls to see if we made it home. Well she didn't do that this time and I thought it to be a little odd, but actually enjoyed not having 15 phone calls a day to see what we were doing. I asked Dave if he had talked to her and he said no. A few days passed and still no word from her. I find this very odd so I tell him I am going to call her.

I call her cell phone and I get no answer. I decide that I should text message his sister to see if his mom is at work. She informs me that she is sitting on the couch and she doesnt' know why she didn't answer her cell phone. OK WTF folks? Clearly the woman always wants to know what we are doing and now she won't answer the damn phone...something is going on! I ask Kayla if his mom is mad at us for some reason, I really can't see why one wouldn't answer the phone that is sitting right next to her. She says no, she doesn't know anything. When Dave told her that we were going to Wyoming for spring break she seemed a little surprised and a little bummed out. He said she didn't seem mad, but you could tell she was like oh, you're not coming here? So I thought maybe she actually was annoyed but whatever. Wyoming was way more fun! I decide that I will chance calling the house and hope that her husband doesn't answer. He just likes to ramble forever and not pass off the phone to the person you actually called.

She answers and I immediately say geez we haven't talked to you in forever. "Oh I know I was just thinking that I hadn't talked to you kids in a while" Yes but you did not pick up the phone and probably only thought that in your self absorbed state when you saw our number on caller id! Anywhoo...we make some small chit chat and she asks about the trip and how the boys were all doing. Then she starts telling me about her going out the night before and how she was still hungover. Hmm...and how her daughter had to take her to her jeep in the morning because she had to leave it wherever they were partying at. Ok...I'm sure the family is still in town...oh no they aren't you say. Ok then what the hell is she doing out on the town so drunk she has to leave her jeep somewhere? Well let me just tell you!

It appears that this lovely "mother" has been going out pretty much every weekend with her "friends". I laugh at this because it was always about her and Darrell, her husband. She always complained how they never went out with friends and how it was always them. He is kind of a homebody, and in her defense (don't expect much more of these) she is a more social person. She enjoys going out and doing things rather than sitting at home sleeping in a chair. Well apparently 3 weeks ago, right before the last time we talked to her, she went out and didn't get home till 8am! Again...who goes out like that when they are her age? She has been doing this pretty much every weekend. I tried to prod around if Darrell had been going with her, and I got a blunt NO. She could care less if what he does and where he is. Dave hears this and suddenly I can see him getting very annoyed and upset on the couch. Why? Because he knows what's coming next and I don't!

She proceeds to tell me that when she goes to New Port Oregon in August (meaning she can't come to any bachelorette parties, or bridal showers because I was informed she had more important things to do...yes those were her words) that he probably wasn't going with her because he would probably be in iraq by then. WAIT WHAT THE HELL DID SHE JUST SAY?? So he is taking a job in Iraq for a year and she could really care less...she doesn't care what he does! WOW WHAT A BOMBSHELL! And we knew nothing about this. Apparently he also put in for a job in Cheyenne Wyoming but she won't be going with him she said. It was a bit awkward because I didn't know what to say, but I could see Dave getting more and more mad. I decided to hang up with her because it was very awkward and then I wrote Kayla. We got on the computer and she filled me in even more!

The night that she went out till 8am, there was some guy that she was talking to. Do you all see where I'm going with this? YEP RIGHT DOWN HER PAST PATH OF SCREWING OVER HUSBANDS!!!! I guess she has been calling him and he won't answer and then he never calls her so at least maybe he isn't as much of a whore as she is! This is what she always does...instead of just owning up to Darrell that she isn't happy and she wants out, she decides to find someone else first and then Darrell gets to be the last to know! The morning that she came home at 8am, he told her to give him 2-3 months and he would be gone. AND HOW DID WE NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS!

Do I feel bad for her because she is unhappy? Yes I do...I don't think anyone should stay in a marriage that they are "miserable" in. Do I think that she goes about it in a way that is appropriate? OH HELL NO!! She is quite possibly the poster child for HOW NOT TO ACT IN A MARRIAGE! I have no respect for her because she constantly runs around on her husbands. I have to wonder if she does it the whole marriage or if she does it just at the very end when she is unhappy. I don't know...either way I saw a whole other side to Dave last night.

He was honestly disgusted by her. He was yelling because he wanted to know why he didn't have a normal mom? Why was she so trashy (yes his words) and how he couldn't stand that she did this always. When was she going to grow up and act like an adult and a plethera of other things! Now when I said these things before I am the big bitch...I get it though. It's like you are the only one that can talk crap about your family...if anyone else says the same thing they are rude. Ok but seriously what the hell is wrong with this woman!

That brings me back to my point of this blog (other than to vent this all out). How does she even call herself a mom? She has never been a great mom to her kids. I won't say she is horrible (although by my standards she is), but she isn't like super mom by any means. Her two boys that are in high school are living in Texas with their dad. Kids don't get taken away from their moms...they have to really screw up. She just let them go there because that was a more stable environment for them and that way she got a cut of the money. She didn't come for Dave's graduation...she never comes to see us. She only has been here once in the 4 years and that wasn't to just see us, that was to come to that wedding last summer. So why then would she assume that we would go there for spring break? She never goes to see the boys in Texas and only sees them in the summer and now she won't even do that because after last summer they refused to go down there. She doesn't pay child support for either of them. She isn't happy about our wedding and she isn't supportive of anything any of her kids do. So how does she call herself a mom? To me the only thing defining her as a mom right now is the fact that she gave birth to 4 kids!!!

To me a mom is someone that is there for you, wipes your tears, makes you laugh, is supportive of your decisions and is happy for you over the smallest things. That's what my mom did...that's the kinds of moms I see Shannon, Jen, Julia, and Shawna being. Moms that would do anything for their kids and would never send them to live with their dads so that they could get some of the 401K money. What makes me most sad is that now Dave doesn't really want her at our wedding. I know that is probably being said out of anger, but it makes me sad. I would give ANYTHING for my mom to be able to be here even if just for that one day. And here is his mom who has the chance to be a part of his very special day and she if fucking it up left and right! I wish they could switch places just for that day so my mom could be a part of it and Dave's mom could continue being her selfish self and not ruin our day. I have a hard time agreeing with him because as much as I do agree and think that it would be nicer for her not to be there, it would break my heart for him because I know what it's like to not have your mom there. At times I think he takes it for granted, but why wouldn't he...he has no idea what a "real mom" is like! I know later in life he might regret her not being there, but then I think maybe she is such a train wreck that he really truly doesn't care...and I can't imagine not having my mom be a part of my day because she was everything to me. I would never not want her there. But then all I know was a stable childhood with parents that loved me unconditionally. He knows nothing of that from his mom...his dad yes, his mom no.

Another thing that irritates me is how hard I had to work to prove to him that I wasn't like his mom...to make him forget all the bad things of marriage that he knows. The hurt, the lies, the cheating all of that. I made him forget, or at least I made him put it so far in the back of his mind that everything else blocks it out. I would like to call her and thank her for throwing that all right into his face and saying wait see marriage really is shit I can prove it and doing so 6 months before his damn wedding! Ugh she is such a selfish bitch!!!!!