Friends

Well this seems like the topic of the day. I read Shannon's post and I read Steph's post and I see both of their points. Call me the mediator if you will but after reading both of them it made me stop and look at my friends.

I have friends that I tell absolutely everything to. I also have friends that don't mix so well because some of my work friends are in their 30s and the friends we hang out with all the time are our age and at times act 12. Hence why I see both of the points.

Growing up I had three close friends. I had Shasta, Julie and Callie. Shasta and Julie have been my friends since I can remember knowing what a friend was. I did absolutely everything with these girls and we always seemed to end up in my bathroom. Don't ask...my bathroom has that affect on people and it was just a place to talk. When our pets died, when our hearts were broken, we headed to the bathroom. My mom understood this...my dad thought we were the weirdest people on the planet. These were the two girls that when my mom died, the drove to the house and I literally waited for them on my front steps. These were the friends that I chose to need because they knew my mom and she was like their mom...they felt like they too lost a mom. At that point in the night, my friends from college were there. My friends that I spent every single day and night with. Even my friend Teela was there and I had only met her the month before, but she was a good friend taking time off work for someone she was just becoming close with. However, while those friends were already there I remember thinking...I need Shasta and Julie. I need the girls that have always been here for me, the girls that I probably haven't talked to in the last month (Well I talked to Shasta more often than Julie but even then not that often). I need the friends that I have neglected because I have been busy with my life just haven't had the time to pick up the phone...but I need them now and I KNOW they will be here. Sure enough those girls showed up and immediately walked me into the bathroom where we closed the door and cried. My friends from Reno didn't know that I would find comfort crying in the bathroom, but these girls did. So these are my close friends that I can count on even if I haven't been the best of friend at calling them or spending time with them.

Then there's Callie. I met her in second grade and we were literally inseperable from that point on. We did everything together spent every moment together and then she moved away our freshman year. I was sad thought my world was ending (well at that point it was because life when Callie moved turned to shit with my mom getting cancer, my boyfriend dumping me and my close friends at the time not being allowed to be my friend anymore...only Shasta was around at this point). We kept in touch and we have visited each other. She was here for my college graduation and that was a great time. We had a blast...yet another friend that I could just pick up and go right from where we left off at. So there you have my three close friends.

I have now noticed however that as you get older, you do have different groups of friends. It is hard because sometimes these groups don't mix. They don't mix not because they can't get along, but at times they simply don't mix because they have personality differences. For me you can take my "work friends" and my "all the time friends". My friends that we hang out with on the weekends and go on trips with...the people I call my friends can really be immature at times. They haven't all grown up or really moved past that let's go out and party hard core and then get wasted and act like an ass. (Ok maybe it's just Eric that hasn't moved past that). My work friends are all older than me. I'm the baby at my school. They range from ages 31-42. I have an absolute blast with these people. I look forward to going to school each day to spend time with them. I think this is so because they are more mature. They are all family oriented and all married. Not that that matters, but they aren't really down for going out and getting wasted. Maybe going out and having a few drinks and having a good time, but not getting obligerated and acting like a total ass. So these people aren't going to mix well. I will be the one that is uncomfortable because I will feel like I have to be mediator and make sure everyone is enjoying themselves and then forget to enjoy myself. So in this case I can see how the lots of friends don't mix, but I seem to want each of those people in my life for one reason or another.

I like Stephanie have lots of friends on myspace. I don't talk to all of them all the time and a lot of them are people that I have graduated with. I do like keeping in touch and just seeing where we all are. But I bet that I don't talk to each of them once a month. I probably don't talk to them once every six months. But then I wouldn't consider all of those people my friends. They are my acquaintences, people who I like to keep in touch with, but could live without if I lost touch with them. Who do I talk to most on there...Shasta, Shannon and a few other people.

Also as I have gotten older I have noticed as I said that I am valuing the people I work with more than the friends that I am with on the weekends. We are all growing to be so different that really all we hang out with is our friends Eric and Teela. Even they are still in the go out and party mode and I'm just not. I was over that when I turned 21. Our other friends strained friendships and for me it's like walking on eggshells when we are all together. These are the big things that Shannon referenced in her blog. My friend Steve and I were inseperable in college. People thought we dated we spent so much time together...then my mom died. Not a phone call, nothing! He was at a football camp and his mom called him to tell him. He claims he didn't have service yet he called his girlfriend. Hello if I was important you could have called collect. To me that is a big thing...we were close and I have a very hard time forgiving that. Even Eric who can't be mature at times was there for me. It is a big thing that I can cut that tie. And I pretty much have. I used to spend everyday with Steve and then talk to him on the phone for like 5 hours each night. Now I only spend time with him because he is dave's friend and I don't want to alienate dave's friend from him. My friend Monica that I lived with and was pretty much best friends with I hardly talk to. She moved to Fallon to student teach and got a job there and we grew apart. I know I could go to her and we are still very good friends...by no means have I written her off. But I also used to talk to her every minute of the day and now I maybe talk to her once a week. I have learned that you grow apart from people and you learn who your real friends are. I still consider Monica a friend but at this point in our lives it seems we have very different agendas and have just had too much time apart...we have almost filled each others need for each other with other people. Holy shit this blog is all over the place...let's get back to those work friends.

I have a friend Chrissy that I work with. I actually met her in college through Steve (I should thank him he introduced me to her and Dave!) and then she did her student teaching at my school. We get along great and were good friends but it wasn't until this year that we have really become close friends. I totally consider her one of my closest friends and I tell her everything. She is the first person that I call when I am having a bad day and when she rips my head off for no apparent reason, I just take her some cookies and say have a better attitude by lunch when I see you again. She is the person that I have my relationship/friendship that Shannon referenced. I fight with her like I am married to her and yet we know that when we do rip the other one's head off, we just needed that moment and we will be sorry in a minute. We know that we don't take it personally and we are still friends. Even Dave and her husband Eric (totally different from the other Eric I talked about) have become better friends and now we all spend time together. But I still find that we haven't managed to work ourselves into "that group of friends". Your "all the time friends" as I like to call them and at times that bothers me. I know we appreciate each other like no tomorrow, yet I also know that as a whole group of friends we don't mix well together. So I think this is where the non mixing comes in again. I can tell you that Chrissy has made me realize the value of a friend again that I haven't seen since Shasta and Julie. We became close this year because another teacher was on maternity leave and it gave us the chance to work together. The constant being near each other is what I feel I need. I have learned that when my friends go away for a while I realize the things that make me not really miss them...I find those more than the things that make me miss them. With Monica I missed her a ton at first, then it was like I had a life here and she had a new roommate and a whole new set of friends there. I think you need that constant in your life in order to maintain friendships in a healthy way. At least for me when I find that I am away from the people for a long time I think I forget why I always had them as my friend. The qualities that I couldn't live without get replaced by someone else filling that need and then I forget how important those people were. I would venture to say that I take them for granted in that aspect. But when I really really stop and think about it, there are two people that are the definition of a friend in every single aspect. I know I can call up Shasta after not talking to her for months and know she will be there. I can do that with Chrissy too. I don't see Shasta but maybe twice a year and I see Chrissy every single day. Somehow I maintain with these two people everything that is important to me. I know they are there and I don't have to worry about them not being there tomorrow because I forgot to call or I didn't go to see them. (Ok I'm really starting to ramble!)

So long story short...I have many acquaintences, I have quiet a few friends that I enjoy spending time with, and I have two close friends that I share all with (ok three if you include Dave but I was talking about girly friends here). I see why Shannon needs her three close friends and is ok with that because I always want to talk to my close friends and be around them too. I see why Stephanie has friends that don't mix because she enjoys spending time with the different people but they might not all enjoy spending time together as a big group for various reasons. I guess I need both...I need my friends that I know are there for anything and everything and I need my wacky friends that don't mix with my fun work friends. I need them all for one reason or another.

As Christina Yang on Grey's Anatomy put it...Shasta and Chrissy are my people!