I have two friends that are dating each other. I was the person that introduced them and I was the person that helped bring them together. In the beginning, she was an incredibly independent girl. She was the kind of girl who was like "I don't need a boyfriend...or Ugh he is so mushy with all this relationship stuff and I don't like that"...interestingly enough we call her Dave's twin weird huh! In the beginning, he was way into her and just loved absolutely everything about being her boyfriend. He would seriously just dote on her...one night even telling her that she was "amazing". Again this was in the beginning.
They have been dating for three years now. Things are much different. She is no longer the strong girl that we once knew. He has completely widdled away her self confidence and any self esteem she had for herself. He has made her completely uncomfortable in her body because he chooses to say "I'd fuck that bitch...or I'd bang her" to every girl that walks by. Tends to wear one down. This is nothing I haven't told her...she knows all of this and is aware of it. Yet she can't bring herself to break away. He has a I do what I want attitude and no girl is going to tell me differnet. Out of all our friends, and we all have boyfriends/girlfriends now, serious ones, he is the one that has the least respect for his significant other. He is the one that doesn't want to call to just say hey I'm still out with the guys sorry I wasn't home when I said I would be. Or he just goes off and does what he wants when he wants. He would go to dinner with girls or go out with his friends and not invite her. He told her she needed her own friends to hang out with and when she got those friends, he decided to incroach and always wanted to hang out with them. I think he wants to always be with them because he sees that the rest of us are settling down. We are over going out and getting wasted every weekend.
Now to why I'm writing this...apparently she met someone this weekend. She is interested and she doesn't know what to do. She loves her boyfriend very much, but I think it is becoming a difference between loving him and being in love with him. She said last night that nothing they do they couldn't do as friends ie. they aren't having sex. So I did my best to give advice to one friend that will only hurt the other. What do you do when you are so close to both people? I think they could use the time apart in order to really appreciate each other means to the other. And like I told her, yeah it will be weird when we all try to hang out because we are all mutual friends, but I can't tell her "geez you know it would be better if you stayed so it's not weird for all of the friends" She deserves to be happy and I don't think she will be truly happy with him. I have a feeling if they do break up he is going to act like he's ok, but really actually be hurt by it. I could be wrong maybe he won't act ok and be hurt or he will be fine with it and not be as hurt because he sees it too. What I am frustrated with is that he has told her before that when he wants to break up with a girl he just pushes her away and treats her like crap until she dumps him. Uh hello...why not just man up and say you want to be done??
So what do you think...what advice do I give to both friends because in the end he will ask me too
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3 comments:
I'd stay out of it.
Sure, you brought them together, but they're both grown individuals. They'll figure out if they want to be together, and if they get their needs met in that relationship. Tell them that---that you are friends with both of them, and you cannot & will not take sides; but they each need to ask themself: am I getting what I want & need out of this relationship?
Okay...that's my advice...
Oh Holy Geeze... this is QUITE a pickle... I think that it is obvious that neither one of these people seem to be on the same wavelength at the moment. He says and does inconsiderate things, and the fact that she is finding interest elsewhere goes to show that there is definitely something lacking in her relationship. I think they could probably use some time apart. Life is really too short to waste your time in a relationship (at least as far as a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship is concerned) where you are truly unhappy, and feeling the need to stretch your wings. Now is the time for them to see if they really are meant for each other, or if they may be happier with someone else... It would be really unfortunate for them to continue down this road and end up in an unhappy marriage... and if this relationship isn't heading towards marriage (and that is something they both ultimately want) then what is the point?
tell him to let go. tell her to go for it and follow her heart. the fact that she met this guy and is even considering it is her biggest answer right there. I think she needs to break away. Maybe take time apart and date others, and in the end if they are meant to be it will happen. but they both should be mature enough to realize that this isn't a normal and happy relationship
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