Chapter 8: So...

So...

My favorite little phrase and a complete secret between me and Dave.

January 5, 2004 (yes I remember the date because I'm good like that!!) changed everything I had ever known about a lot of things. Dave had gone home that morning after our ordeal with the crazy girl that the boys had picked up. I knew that he must have liked me at least a little. There were all those little signs and he was giving me all those little looks like a guy does when they are interested. After he left, I sat at home alone for the day just thinking about him. I couldn't get him out of my mind. He told he him would probably call me later that night or something. I didn't get my hopes up, but secretly I was wishing and praying that he called and maybe just he and I could hang out for once alone.

He actually did call. We started talking and one thing led to another and suddenly we were talking about hooking up. It was the joking around like oh yeah right you are the one that doesn't want to do it bullshit that high schoolers play but you know what I bought right into it all. After about an hour or so on the phone, he had convinced me that he was coming into town and we would just hang out. Ok we just spent the last hour talking about having sex with each other and now we are just going to hang out? YEAH RIGHT!!

I suddenly flipped into girly oh my gosh my crush is coming over mode. I ran and threw on some make up. I straightened everything up at the house...and thanked god that Jonathan had gone to Winnemucca for the weekend so I didn't have to wonder where we could actually do this without him being home. We might have been on a break but we were still living together. After 45 minutes of heart pounding anticipation, he finally showed up. I was like a giddy school girl. I had just spent the last 5 days straight with him and now it was like I didn't know what to talk to him about. Probably because I knew we were going to have sex for the first time and probably because I wasn't quite sure what to expect.

He decided that we should just go for a drive and talk. Wait I thought I was going to have sex...what is this driving around and talking bull shit about?? We drove around for almost 3 freaking hours! As we were talking we figured out that he didn't want to hook up at my house because that would be disrespectful to Jonathan (yes this is the same guy that said I had a boyfriend and that was my problem not his...now he was worried about his feelings?). If I had been in Winnemucca I would have had a million places where we could have gone down a dirt road away from people and had our little time in the car. But this was Reno...where the hell was I supposed to go. As I said we drove around forever trying to find a spot to park. We ended up out by Red Hawk golf course. The entire time we had been driving around I had butterflies in my stomach. My heart was racing like the first time you are going to do something and you are super excited about it! Now we had found a place that was secluded...now what the hell was I supposed to do with him?

We sat there in completely awkward silence for a while (this is why friends with benefits doesn't work out so well for me). How were we going to take our friendship to the next intimate level and still make sure that we remained friends? Oh I know I tell Dave that we are going to have sex with no strings attached...it's just something we both need! Uh huh...I happened to leave out that I had some pretty strong feelings brewing for him and that those were going to end up being some tough strings to break. After about 10 minutes, he said something and I turned to look at him and he gave me a kiss. It was the most melty, mushy gushy kiss I have ever experienced. I shit you not I melted right there. It wasn't like the other times I had kissed him (maybe because he was sober!) no no people this was completely different! Of course one thing led to another and we ended up finally hooking up. Excuse if this is TMI, but it was the best sex EV-AH!! I'm pretty sure I have never had sex like that again and I knew damn well I had never had sex like that before. All the corny things I could possibly say like it was mind blowing and blah blah blah...yeah it's all true! The guy was a great dancer and it most certainly transferred over into the bedroom...er uh front seat of my car!

It was from that point on that Dave and I started our year long secret affair if you will. We hooked up, we talked on the phone, we spent time together just the two of us, and we hid it ALL from our friends and everyone else. The only people at the time that knew anything of Dave were two people that I talked to at work that I completely trusted. Plus I knew they weren't going to be hanging out with me on the weekends with my friends so no possibilities of it being leaked out.

You might ask what so... means. That was our text message to each other if we wanted to hook up. Our agreement was that if one of us sent that to the other, it was to come and have sex with each other again no strings attached. We used it often and it seriously made my heart skip a beat when I would get that text message. Everytime I would get it, I would go to him...and every time I would fall a little more for him. I thought the same could be said for him. I mean do people really have friends with benefits for as long as he and I and actually not end up harboring any feelings for each other? I knew this couldn't possibly be true...he had to at least like me a little bit right?